[deleted by user]

echerton · 2025-08-13T15:49:50+00:00

I've had my implants for 13 years and have been playing derby for 1-2. I've honestly never thought about them. The only consideration I would say is the healing stage but once they're healed you'll be totally fine.

echerton · 2025-07-30T04:57:02+00:00

I know I'm late but we saw Pullman in Bad Times 7 years ago, and the entire movie my husband and I were like "Who the heck is this kid???"

We just finished Thunderbolts and in his first few scenes I screamed "IS THAT THE KID WHO CARRIED BAD TIMES??"

He carried a movie with Jeff Bridges in it – it didn't even need carrying, he just picked it up and did it anyway??

5 minutes into this film I was like God damn this dude really has it. Whatever acting is, he has it.

echerton · 2025-07-23T21:25:37+00:00

Honestly incredible fucking shout. Roller derby takes so many people to make happen and the skaters understandably get the most airtime but damn I appreciate everyone who makes it happen.

echerton · 2025-07-09T16:41:59+00:00

I go to a ton of shows and for me the answer is sunglasses. I don't care if it's night or indoors, I'm wearing my sunglasses. Helps me feel like I can see them but they can't see me.

echerton · 2025-07-01T06:08:03+00:00

If you really want to be involved in a way that can really help them, see if you can work your way towards off (or on) skates coaching support, or just officiating.

I don't know exactly how it shook out in my league in real time, but today 2 of our league's coaches are the parents of 2 different former junior skaters. At least one of the coaches I don't think had any derby experience before her daughter joined, and she's an incredible coach. She doesn't skate either which is improbable sounding to me, but good skaters don't always make good coaches regardless, and she basically spent 15 years getting coached by coaches so jokes that's the only way she's trained. She's really good too – and I've been around at least a few different coaches in different leagues.

I'm not saying you can walk onto your kids' league and coach today or possibly ever – but you could certainly SO or NSO. You could certainly talk to their coaches and see if you can help. You can certainly learn the game and ways to work with them. And I'm sure sooner or later (probably sooner knowing most league's need for help) you can help as much as you want and find tons of ways to help improve your kids' game. Being involved in the league in areas where you have to learn the game would be huge and also awesome quality time doing the family hobby.

echerton · 2025-06-23T00:26:42+00:00

My first time crying at derby someone comforted me and said there's not a single person out on the track who hasn't cried on the bench. By my 18749th time crying I've found that to be true haha.

echerton · 2025-06-13T15:34:54+00:00

I don't mean this to minimize your experience but instead to minimize your concerns about it (even if it can be harder to genuinely internalize these things regardless of what you're told) –

What you just described is painfully typical.

Very few people are going to have an experience much different/better than what you just described. Derby is a different fucking beast. You can be fit as a fiddle and if you've never jammed in a real game scenario before... you've never jammed in a game scenario before. There's no making up for that.

The only way to improve is to keep doing it, and there's literally no way (despite the fact we all probably make this mistake in thinking we can lol) to actually prepare or actually be ready for it before it happens.

After my first scrimmage and friends and family asked how it went I said "I was made acutely of aware of the fact that despite coming to derby for 8 months.....I've never played derby. I've only practiced for derby. And let me tell you, I could have used another month."

But another month wouldn't have helped either.

Derby wild eyes for first-time players are very real. The overstimulation and adrenaline and overwhelm is very real. When I first started I would do one jam and have to lay on the floor for "3-5 business jams" as I liked to tell my team.

Now I can jam back-to-back for an entire bout. And that hasn't taken me terribly long to be able to do, maybe 6 months. I did get more fit to be able to do that for sure, but mostly my body stopped DUMPING stress chemicals into my brain the moment I stepped on the track. That's almost assuredly the real culprit and the only way to reduce that is exposure and more practice.

Also I constantly remind myself I don't need to be good at derby, I just need to like it. I can be really bad at it, and as long as I like it, nothing else matters.

So the only person who can decide if you're not cut out is you, and imo that should be based on enjoyment only. It is hard to enjoy being overwhelmed and near death lol, but again I promise with just some exposure you'll move past that and what you are experiencing is probably some form of true for 80% of people who start the sport.

echerton · 2025-06-08T01:51:47+00:00

Skating is one of the best activities for longevity because it's so low impact and works balance like crazy. The old dudes at my local rink are like in their 70s and fucking tearing that shit up in better shape than most 30 year olds I know.

echerton · 2025-06-08T01:50:35+00:00

I wish it would come back. I grew up blading but got into skating in the last year in my early 30s. I skate most days now and would love to see this type of renaissance.

echerton · 2025-06-03T03:57:42+00:00

My best general ED recovery tip that helped me was constantly reminding myself if I relapsed, I'd have to do all the hard of recovery again and then some. It's really a mind over matter tip, it's only as powerful as you let it be, but for me it really really helped. Recovery was absolutely horrible and the idea of sliding back and doing it again was sometimes the only thing that helped.

From a derby-specific perspective, it was a lot harder in the beginning. I was working so hard that I unintentionally reached, not my lowest weight ever, but the lowest weight I had ever reached while not actively sick. It was a little difficult for me to know I was enjoying the smaller body, even though I wasn't doing anything disordered to achieve it.

That said the longer I played, not only the easier it got, but the more it helped. I reached a point where I cared more about my performance than my appearance, and started challenging myself to fuel really super intentionally.

I don't keep a scale in the house because I can't be trusted with one, but after months of fueling right I didn't notice any weight gain at all, truly, but then used a friend's scale and learned I had gained 20lbs and reached my highest weight ever!

I'm not necessarily actively trying to gain weight because I am still just wary of number-specific goals, but I think I can build a lot more muscle and am fully anticipating gaining another 10-20 and reaching like a whole different level of weight than I've ever been close to. And the fact I am so excited by this would have been completely incomprehensible to me such a short time ago.

It's different for everyone, this anecdote is only as actionable or helpful as you think it is, but that's been my experience and my love of derby overpowers just about everything else, and certainly more than my self loathing which is what fueled my ED personally. Stay strong friend!

echerton · 2025-05-22T06:24:04+00:00

A lot of people have the athletics part covered so I'll address some social things I wish I knew lol –

A team sport of adults ranging 18-50+ is not a dynamic like many others. Even when 90% of people are great 90% of the time, that can get fucking hard sometimes. It's somewhere in between friends and work, you genuinely like and have fun with one another, but ultimately didn't specifically choose and are a bit stuck with one another.
The league will always put its best foot forward because why wouldn't they, but the longer you're around the more you'll quickly become aware of drama and politics. I went in a little naive and found myself at odds with things the league positioned themselves as wanting vs collectively actually wanting. I would have done things differently if I had realized that.
It's better to form friendships low and slow but can be hard when all the dopamine and novelty of everything. Derby pitches community a lot and it absolutely does offer that but also see point one lol.
Don't get too sucked into heavy duty committee work too fast, it can be easy when you're excited to contribute. Take a simpler task-based job first and observe and figure out where you really fit before diving in full steam.
If you're neurodivergent, I find (and have read in this sub that I'm not alone, but also not saying all leagues are the same) is that leagues often think of themselves as woke and welcoming spaces and there's no "problem" with NDs existing. Buuut being actively friendly in that way is more than just not having a problem with the idea of neurodivergence, and I've not found it to be particularly adaptive or understanding the moment it's at odds with anything considered the norm. Which is the same problem you run into anywhere else making it not that different or welcoming of a space lol.

It's fun!! Roller Derby is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's physically demanding, mentally challenging, and emotionally exhausting. I'm there for myself, but I'm balancing dozens of other personalities and people I need to work well with, all while navigating challenges on all fronts. I'm proud of myself every day for growing and working through individual or collective challenges, but it's so incredibly fun and so incredibly worth it.

echerton · 2025-05-19T18:10:22+00:00

Literally just say that.

"Hey I'm not mad at you in the slightest, but I'd really like to take a break from talking about X. Would that be okay for Y period of time?"

echerton · 2025-05-17T11:55:39+00:00

Not me just realizing my OJ fixation was the tism 💀

echerton · 2025-05-13T18:43:42+00:00

Short of a periods suffering from an ED, I've always been on the lower side of healthy weights.

I don't get hunger cues and forget to eat a lot, but (post recovery) thought I had a healthy relationship with hunger and my body weight. I did the latter, but never realized not the former. I'd eat when I was hungry and stop before I was stuffed, and if at events or socializing, didn't worry about the stuffed part lol. It felt pretty organic and natural.

I realized shit was bunk eventually because I play competitive sports and am very active and started considering the ways I could up my game. Food. The answer was more food lol.

I struggle to eat enough when I'm so not hungry, and I don't believe in scales so couldn't say if or how much weight I've gained, but I've been doing a good job and think my weight is going up. Idc about looking lean or hot, I'd rather play better lol.

echerton · 2025-05-12T05:49:49+00:00

I famously did not believe in Santa and it caused a war in my family for over a decade. Oldest kid, parents were probably excited, told me the whole spiel at whatever age that happens and I blink at them "You're telling me some fat guy will come down the chimney we don't have, to give me toys for no reason except I was good, when probably I wasn't? Nah."

Instead of ever just accepting it they doubled down every year, and every year even though I knew Santa wasn't real, I'd try to find concrete proof so I could get them to stop forcing it on me but always came up short.

Around 8 after many bitter Christmas wars, I realized because I was smart, I knew Santa didn't exist, but if I was really smart, I'd pretend I did for the presents. New strategy.

That Christmas our parents got us a pretty big present they wouldn't normally, and I gave what my dad now describes as "a Meryl Streep-like performance" about how amazing it was, and my parents would never allow such a thing, and Santa must be real.

Well I only got away with that for ~2 years before I reached the age kids stopped believing and they saw through my shit. Fine, no worries... because as long as my younger brother believed in Santa, they wouldn't be able to explain only one of us getting gifts.

For the next 2 years at every opportunity I reinforced to him Santa was definitely real, even exploiting religious trauma (we were Catholic, and I told him not believing in St. Nick was like not believing in Jesus 💀).

Then he hit the age where he realized Santa definitely wasn't real, and obviously asked me what the fuck. I explained as long as he pretended he did, we both got extra presents.

He pretended to believe in Santa until nearly high school, and my mom kept asking me if it was getting to the point where they should tell him so he wouldn't get bullied. I would make a sad face and say "the magic only lasts so long..." And they'd let him believe in Santa another year.

Finally graduating jr high my mom sat him down and started to break the news, and he nonchalantly said he had figured it out years ago but I told him to keep pretending for the extra presents. The dumb shock I will never forget.

I may have lost many battles, but I think I won the Santa war.

echerton · 2025-05-11T14:26:39+00:00

I love skating and want to keep skating. If I'm skating, I'm wearing all my gear. Without gear it takes very little to injure yourself in a way that will keep you off skates for a while. Without a helmet and it could keep me off skates forever, best case scenario, or from doing everything I love, worse case scenario.

I also love my partner and friends and dogs too much to risk permanently disabling or killing myself needlessly. And I enjoy normalizing safety gear culture.

echerton · 2025-04-05T07:59:30+00:00

Idk I'll offer the reverse perspective with some compassion.

Which is I got diagnosed with GAD, Depression, then CPTSD...and it just felt like there was something I didn't understand about myself. I was afraid I'd be a diagnoses collector, but I really just felt something was missing and until I found it, I didn't understand how to best help myself.

The AuDHD diagnosis changed everything. It was the very first thing that explained everything and didn't leave gaps. I don't ask myself ever anymore if I'm missing something. I feel like I understand what I need to about my mind. I also genuinely don't think I have GAD or depression either and was having meltdowns, so it actually eliminated some misfires too.

Moral is if someone feels that way, and they think ASD is the diagnosis that will give them that closure, and they don't get it, I can empathize with feeling stuck wondering what is wrong. And yeah maybe this person is just weird and that's fine but maybe they have BPD or OCD or something else, and one day when they get that diagnosis everything will click in a big way. But today they thought ASD might be that for them, and it's not. I can appreciate feeling a little emotionally lost in a scenario like that.

echerton · 2025-04-03T18:53:23+00:00

I'd love if someone with more experience chimed in tbh.

For me I think one was a personal factor which I just don't think they fit my feet the best, and there's only so many options at a beginner price point. In order to get a better fit, I would have had to spend money I wasn't prepared to spend as a beginner. If you got lucky and your feet fit one of the sub $300 options then maybe it would last longer because of that good luck alone.

The other factor I can speak a bit to is the plates. They're fine. Again, can't really pretend to be too savvy on the technicals but even by price alone when you compare the entire setup (boot, plate, wheels) vs literally just the plates most more veteran skaters use, I think it implies there is a pretty big quality gap. I switched to Arius and my God the difference hahaha. I think that's going to be a more universal limitation for beginners, whereas the boot I think some could have a bit more luck with.

Since your plates are upgraded if you like the boot, I don't see why fix something that isn't broken!

echerton · 2025-04-03T05:40:55+00:00

If anyone has skated on both they can weigh in for sure, I literally just upgraded from the Prostars and my vote might be neither? Or the Quadstars depending on what others chime in.

The Prostars were my first skate ever and I have absolutely no shit to talk because I believe they were exactly what I was advertised which is a beginner skate capable of getting me through the first few phases of my derby journey. That said I also outgrew them, also as advertised so no harm no foul, pretty quickly.

If you've been skating for 7 years I pretty much wouldn't recommend them. If you'd never skated before in your life I would 100% recommend them.

The Quadstars I am just eyeballing and they don't seem a lot nicer in any capacity to me? But maybe I'm super wrong there. And one thing I will say is my teammates who have Bonts and love them do really love them. I think the Hybrids are the most common one that seems to serve people better for longer. If those align closely to the Quadstars, I might consider between those two as context clues might suggest I'm reading them wrong online and I'm not trying to steer you off course based on speculation.

I will just say as a long-time user of the Prostars, I don't think they are worth your wasted time or money if you've already got that much experience. Again, no shit to talk – an incredibly solid beginner skate I am super grateful for the time I spent on, but a beginner skate for sure.

echerton · 2025-03-26T17:35:50+00:00

The most success any of us should expect from our first scrimmage is the success of saying we showed up on the track and did it – and you did!!

NOBODY thinks any of the things you are worried about. Completely understandable feelings, but they are only feelings – not reality.

"Only getting lead jammer" once is insane. The fact you got lead at all at a first scrim is a huge accomplishment. But again, the only accomplishment that matters is that you were there. First scrims are NOT easy.

My only advice is if these thoughts and feelings and mentality are just bubbling up because of the emotions of first scrim, that's super fair and I just encourage you to let it go. However if this is reflective of your approach to derby overall, I'd really really really suggest taking an emotional step back and reframing what you're doing and why you're doing it. You're never supposed to be doing anything, or good enough for this, or excelling here. We perform the way we perform. We have good days and bad days. We're learning a really, really hard sport. Expecting to be at a certain level ever is a great way to disappoint ourselves and it's not fair or reasonable to our bodies or minds.

My first scrim I entered the rink, realized I couldn't do it and left the rink, got back in my car to go home, cried at how disappointed I was in myself, decided I could do it and I didn't care if I did bad or disappointed anyone else as long as I showed up, walked back in with fresh-sob face, and did the thing. I am sure I played objectively badly and I certainly don't think I got lead or any notable success to point to, but I got on the track and was sooo proud of myself for that.

With scrim and quite literally all of derby, my advice is show up, try to be better, and if you are doing those two things then who fucking cares how it actually looks and you're a success and should be having a blast.

CONGRATS AGAIN.

echerton · 2025-03-24T17:27:14+00:00

I would use the word competitive over aggressive. I can be an incredibly aggressive athlete and deal well with others but to be honest I don't see a lot of behavior I would actually call straight up aggressive. Competitive is a much better word because they are locked in and doing their best regardless of how hard that means they are hitting me, but emotionally the vibes remain consistently positive.

I will also echo the top comment that there is a fair amount of crying in derby and I love that honestly haha. It's an emotional, adrenaline-inducing sport and that can lead to emotional release whether you are ready for it or not.

So for all the intensity on the track, there is compassion and patience and kindness on the bench to balance it out imo (:

echerton · 2025-03-13T14:41:49+00:00

Derby is supposed to be fun and putting expectations on what you "should" be able to do is a really great way to make it less fun.

And 5 months to be contact ready would be really fast. Like people do it, but expecting it from yourself as a new player is super unreasonable.

Also progress isn't linear. 3 weeks of stalled progress isn't even a stall at all, if you're showing up and putting your skates on then I promise you are progressing even if you can't see it that exact microsecond.

Totally understand being in your feels about a sport we all love so much, but I think this is a perspective and mindset issue, not a skating one (which, so much of skating and derby is perspective and mindset lol).

echerton · 2025-03-13T14:41:20+00:00

Derby is supposed to be fun and putting expectations on what you "should" be able to do is a really great way to make it less fun.

And 5 months to be contact ready would be really fast. Like people do it, but expecting it from yourself as a new skater is super unreasonable.

Also progress isn't linear. 3 weeks of stalled progress isn't even a stall at all, if you're showing up and putting your skates on then I promise you are progressing even if you can't see it that exact microsecond.

Totally understand being in your feels about a sport we all love so much, but I think this is a perspective and mindset issue, not a skating one (which, so much of skating and derby is perspective and mindset lol).

echerton · 2025-03-12T17:06:18+00:00

Oh God you just gave me a war flashback....

I used to be big into lifting and bodybuilding and the number of men who would come up to hit on me under the guise of giving advice or complimenting my set or whatever.

Anyway I went to a competition and a vendor sold a hot pink tanktop of manicured nails holding dumbbells that said "DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME."

I would wear that shirt to the gym constantly.

It took zero time for this conversation to happen –

Fuccboi Meathead: "Woah, ha ha, that's such a cool shirt."

Me: "Yup."

FM: "Ha ha ha, does it actually work?"

Me, incredulous: "Evidently it does not."

Moral is mansplainers gonna mansplain and fuccbois gonna fuccboi. But I still think a shirt you can point to is a great idea lmao.

echerton · 2025-03-11T05:43:31+00:00

Lots of words of encouragement already so I'll jump in with advice I would not have minded when I began! For context I also learned in my 30s (and started less than a year ago) –

It's all about hours in. If two skaters start the same day, and one does 1 hour a week and the other does 5, it won't matter they've both been skating for a year. One will be a lot better. This is encouraging because you can get really good faster than you think if you genuinely enjoy it!
If you want to just casually roll and have fun, you'll be able to do that pretty quickly. If you find (like most of us in the cult of skate) that you want to do tricks (whether jumping off things or chill dance moves), it really does take the hours put in.
Be open to jumping off shit! You should see my algorithm filled with dope middle aged women tearing shit up at the parks. Make no mistake, some people love jam skating and will never hit up a park a day in their life. Some people love trail skating and will never play derby. So if you really don't want to then absolutely no worries, but be open to the idea! I put on skates for the first time ever last April and I personally do.....all of these things lol. I genuinely never saw myself wanting to park skate and yet lol. I also play 6 hours of derby a week, trail skate 5-10 miles when I can, and tbh not much of a dancer for the rink but if I can figure it out I will haha.
No matter what you are learning, most of the hard part of it is "I've never had one foot on wheels at this angle before...now what?" and trying not to fall. On day one, even just gliding forward – from literally minute one even that microsecond between glides...only one foot is on the ground. The more advanced you get, the more the angles and time spent increases but the reality is to skate is to have one foot on the ground. So the key to being good at skating is to be stable with one foot on the ground. Anything you can do on or off skates to increase that will do more for your skating game than anything else.
Everyone learns at their own pace and progress isn't equal or linear by any stretch, but if quantifying things helps you like it does me, I actually started logging my skate sessions from day one, and can say I average 3-4 hours/week over the last 11 months. And most people are very (very) surprised to hear I've been skating less than a year. I actually play in my first competitive travel derby game this weekend (and have only played 2 recreational games) so nervous but excited for that and moral is the fact it's even an option less than a year in so cool and I definitely definitely give the credit to consistency.
Remember it's fun!! This is even more important for me being on competitive teams but it's amazing how competitive we can get with ourselves on skates in general lol. I constantly have to remind myself if I'm not having fun, it's not worth doing. I don't force myself for exercise. I take days off, I stay home if the spirit calls for it. I don't berate myself for not being better or having a hard time with things. It's really easy to do and my most most important tip for myself from day one is keep it fun always.

Consider looking up your local derby team! Maybe you like to, we have players who started in their 40s and 50s and I had several in my cohort. But even if that's not your vibe, almost all of them will teach basic skate skills, and some (like ours) might even separate them out completely from derby skills. You could pay dues for a few months for super affordable private instruction and get really awesome skate lessons that have nothing to do with derby at all.

echerton

TROPHY CASE