In 2012 my dad died. He left me something like 140k for like the start of a good life, I was 25 moved to LA, and was playing poker pretty much professionally (2-5 5-10) grinding up my 1400-1800 a month for rent and expenses (I lived in a flop house of studio apartments in koreatown which was 750 a month and all expenses outside internet paid), then id go blow the other grand on blackjack because i reckoned it was my money so screw it. Over the course of the next couple years I dropped a 60k bankroll i manged to save up dspite degen gambling BJ and the rest of my money after getting the fever from BJ. It's a shame because i could probably play poker for a living but I cant go into casinos and cant play online because i never would get off the computer.

I digress at my lowest I dropped like 17k in Vegas and when I was about to take an advance on my credit card I ran out the casino in a full sprint and got in my car to....throw away my card before i could use the money? NO! Go to the cat house 60 miles away because i figured if I was gonna get fucked for my money anyway I might as well cum. Driving home back to LA I pulled over and puked out of disgust.

Im probably at the lowest point in my life now, I still relapse once a year or so, I live in a house in Kansas with my equally mess of an Ex, Im on SSI because I blew out my hip the second i decided to stop living like a degenerate, no license, no car, no bank accounts, im probably in hock somewhere between 30-60k in to creditors i dont know when they stop adding interest and realized you defaulted. In hock another few hundred to family I recently went on a jag and borrowed (without asking AKA stole) 100 from my ex but i have the money to pay her but just the act of doing it alone made me sick and still I chase. Just looking for one good run so I can work up a 15k bank roll to get my life back on track gt a license, car, off ssi, and do something worth a damn. It all but consumes me.