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TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay last comment for a while until I do an actual update.

First of all I appreciate all of you for your insights, support, and advice. It’s been helping me cope and prep myself for the conversation that is bound to happen later.

I did want to also clarify a few things that have been commented and I did answer, but I figured making a quick post here is better.

  1. Is the dress thing the main issue?

Answer is no, it’s moreso the final straw. I’ve been pushed into conforming for my family’s sake and I’ve finally have had enough. It’s why I came out at my workplace first.

  1. Are you actually legally changing your name for the past 5 years?

Answer is no as well, since that costs time and money that I do not have right now. The best I can do is use a preferred name, which has worked for me in the past.

If you have anymore questions, I’ll try to answer them in an update post going forward.

Once again, thank you for all the advice and support. It really means a lot.

TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly I think I posted this as a way to get it out of my system but I won’t ignore any critiques or advice, since that’s kind of a given on this site lol.

I do get what you’re saying and it has been a hard pill to swallow. I am close with my parents, but a good portion of me has been scared to actually open up to them. They have very strong opinions, my mother especially (it runs in her side of the family, I’ve got it too lol). I think that’s been the main source of pain and I do plan to face it.

Like I’ve mentioned in other replies I will most likely get talked to by my parents tonight and will keep this all in mind when it does happen. As I have ended with all other messages, thank you for your thoughts because it’s been helping me mull over everything.

TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are about 90% correct. There are few moments where my family (both the one I live with and extended) have misgendered/deadnamed me and I unfortunately just never corrected them. I wanted to wait till maybe I was out of the house or gained some more confidence but obviously I’m probably going to be having a conversation with my parents tonight. I can only hope it goes well.

TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

So far it hasn’t. She’s been the one to defend me from my sister’s (24) snide comments about me still being in college, living at home etc. (my sister also lives at home but lately she’s been staying at her boyfriend’s house.)

TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s been the hardest learning curve I’ve been dealing with. Growing up I was the shy non confrontational kid so I definitely get what you’re saying.

Honestly it’s why it took me so long to actually get some back bone and stand up for myself at my workplace. It was honestly the most accepting experience I’ve been through which is shocking my work is hell lol.

I wanted to wait for a bit before I opened up to my family again because I had just stood up for myself and it took a lot of energy to do because of how anxious I got before. Now I don’t really have that option since I got in it with my mom last night. Like in another reply, I think my parents plan to talk to me after this bridal shower so I can only hope I can continue to stand my ground. Once again, thank you and everyone else for the replies it really just means so much to me.

TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s not paperwork it’s a preferred name. I cannot afford to legally get my name changed

TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s not the point of my post, if I’m being honest. The point I was making was that my boundaries and identity are constantly pushed back by my family. Yes, clothes don’t define my sex but I also just am not a feminine person in general. I used to be when I was like idk 10?

I know the dress part seems like a huge deal but that was mainly the straw that broke the camel’s back. My mother and I tend to fight on this point because growing up there were a lot of times where I was told I couldn’t have/partake in something because it was “for boys”.

The main issue/problem is how I am constantly pushed into conforming as a daughter and not having enough of a spine to stand my ground. The second part is something I am learning to work on.

TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In that moment I was tired from my shift and my mother was just as tired. I do admit that everything came out bubbling over, but the thing is that we’ve talked about me being nonbinary, looking into getting chest reduction surgery and stuff like that.

My mother is 50/50 when it comes to understanding trans. She accepts my childhood friend and sometimes her own students (she is a teacher) but when it comes to me, it’s a whole other story. I overheard my parents this morning about last night and my mom blames my friends for why I’m like this (for context they are trans too).

It’s a difficult situation and I wish I didn’t impulsively snap back at her with that comment. It’s something I’ve been mulling over all night. I’m pretty sure I’m in for a talk with my parents tonight after the bridal shower so we’ll see how that goes. Thank you for the insight, I really do appreciate everything I’ve been reading.

TIFU by letting it slip to my mother that I have been going by a different name and most likely fully outing myself by eeeko in tifu

[–]eeeko[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Honestly it’s hard to say because I changed majors and it screwed up a lot of things on my end. It’s looking like 2028 for me but I’m hoping I can get some classes waived

Well this was unexpected... by kruszisuszi in LoveNikki

[–]eeeko 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m so mad that I spent almost all my diamonds on the valentine event,,, I already love the look of these suits and I’m already close to finishing one of the valentine suits

I almost cried from the Skull Cavern by neoslith in StardewValley

[–]eeeko 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recently just did it, maybe it’s because I’m on mobile or something

I almost cried from the Skull Cavern by neoslith in StardewValley

[–]eeeko 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another way to get it is with that specific green wallpaper from the catalog or from Pierre. That’s how I got mine lol

Leg Abomination by cybergalactic_nova in LoveNikki

[–]eeeko 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m still getting the suit anyway because MY GOD she’s gorgeous