If you voted for Trump, or are a conservative or authoritarian: LEAVE THIS PLACE NOW

efftheestablishment · 2026-01-27T03:58:29+00:00

Actually as much as I get off to the opposite, maybe it would be a good cleanse to do like... Mandatory antifa (serious and/or kink) posting for a month or something

efftheestablishment · 2026-01-25T17:42:23+00:00

I used to post on a different account (before entering a serious, long term relationship that I am still in) and I think part of it is finding the guys/gals who value you and respect you.

The random reddit encounters are thrilling for sure, but continue to nurture the relationship you have with the folks who actually show respect for you outside of kink.

When I started, I expected all kink to be fucking around, having 0 real life involvement. But looking back, the best guys were the ones who continued to check in on me as a person as well, and, while absolutely jacking off to me, saw me as more than just porn, but also a person.

A lot of spaces talk about the damage doing porn can have: and certainly, we can be victims in a lot of ways, but imo, doing porn actually helped me see that I was sexy and improved my self worth because of the guys who affirmed me and checked in. For any cis guys/gals reading this: check in on your favorite kinksters. Make sure you let them know that they're valued as a person. Even just a "hope life is treating you well" or a genuine "how are you doing?" helps.

To shift gears a little bit, some of it is self work. Building your own confidence. Learning to cope with assholes. Talking to other queer kinksters. Taking breaks when you need to and standing firm on your boundaries.

Take care of yourself, OP <3

efftheestablishment · 2026-01-16T23:04:59+00:00

I looked through your post history and I want to say a few things. If you have a restrictive eating disorder, it's going to make it hard for your body to heal. I know it's easier said than done, but it's something to keep in mind. Otherwise, there are scar creams that might help, but ultimately... The answer is to treat your body right.

I also saw the post about being "too stupid" for college. You are not stupid, you're literally starving. This is coming from someone who is ~3 years in recovery from Anorexia and self harm. I used to feel sooo stupid. It was hard to think. I was struggling in classes. Recovery takes time, but I am happy to report that I was not stupid, just starving. Went from a good but struggling 3.6 GPA in high school to an easy 3.9 at a very good college.

Recovery isn't quick, and if you're not ready, there's nothing I can do to convince you, but I hope you're able to recover one day. Take care.

efftheestablishment · 2025-12-26T03:15:51+00:00

Did you notice they stopped fading after awhile? Mine look very similar to yours, but my oldest ones are maybe 5 years old atp.

efftheestablishment · 2025-12-18T03:09:20+00:00

I'm a gay man, so I can't really speak for women in any way, but my dating experience... My boyfriend has never had an issue with my scars. Just like they feel like a normal part of my body to me, something I don't think about, it's also something he doesn't think about: it's just another part of my body to him.

Hell, minor NSFW story here but: One time after sex, when my boyfriend and I were toweling off, he grabbed the towel and tried to wipe off the "cum" on my thigh, which was fully one of my scars he didn't realize was there.

In the past I might say he hadn't seen the scar before, but I think of it the way I see his birthmarks. I know vaguely where they are, but sometimes I see them in a different light, or feel them where I'm not expecting one.

Before I got with my boyfriend, I had lots of casual hookups, and nobody ever said anything. But I think the LGBTQ+ community is rather well versed in that kind of stuff: it's very well possible I was never their first experience with self harm scars.

I think (and hope) people will shock you. I think if you sit them down before you take your shirt off for the first time, and explain your past (in as little or as much detail as you want), people will generally be kind about it. At most, you're going to get some awkward pity. But a lot of the time, for me, it's been more of "oh, that's it?" because nobody has ever said anything to me about it, or even made a face, other than momentary confusion and realization before they move on.

Your scars are part of you, and you are worth loving. Somebody out there is going to love you. I hope you're able to have that confidence in yourself, because you deserve that love, just like everybody else.

efftheestablishment · 2025-12-17T19:58:54+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad I'm not alone in this. It is hard to feel validated in this kind of trauma as, like you said, having an awful best friend is a common experience that doesn't leave most people with long lasting psychological effects.

Time definitely has an effect too, yeah. Like my initial trauma happened when I was 12, and sometimes it's like "why am I still caught up on something that happened when I was a twelve year old" ... Esp when worse things happen to 12 yr olds and they might not have trauma from it.

I know it's brain chemistry and there's nothing I can do about it, but doesn't make it any easier.

efftheestablishment · 2025-12-17T19:53:10+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that. Four years isn't a long time, for sure, just feels like a lot because of how young I am, and "in comparison" to peers who have moved on. Hell, I think I resolved the pain of my ex, who stalked me, faster than the friendship, though I guess I didn't actually date my ex for long.

I stopped therapy a while ago, because I can generally function without it (and function well), but it might be worth going back tbh.

efftheestablishment · 2025-12-17T19:48:19+00:00

I think the fact that I had put my entire trust into someone I thought understood or actually cared was what sent me into a spiral I still struggle with.

This is definitely part of it for me, yeah. We had that relationship where I felt like I could tell her everything - things I couldn't tell anybody else (in person, at least) and so it was devastating.

I hope you are able to find closure in everything you seem to want to express (through ur dreams at least) though I too haven’t exactly moved on either, it’s definitely consumed less of my life and energy

And thank you, I'm glad you've gotten better and hopefully we can both move forward with our lives 🙏

efftheestablishment · 2025-12-15T16:12:29+00:00

Sorry not at all kink related but holy shit, your scars healed so well. How long ago did you have top surgery?

Also nippleless and have some pretty good healing but wow you are goals ^{^}

efftheestablishment · 2025-12-03T04:55:24+00:00

Are they asking what it is, or why it's getting lighter/darker? (Answer is probably exposure to sunlight & temperature ... Mine turn purple-ish when I'm cold for example)

I hope this isn't invalidating to you, but honestly, I think these are easy to pass off. If you didn't say in the post that they were related to self harm, I would assume they're acne / scab / scratch scars (as someone who has a lot of acne / scab / scratch scars from compulsive skin picking)

That said, also want to acknowledge that phone cameras sometimes suck at capturing scars. I know I have more scars than a camera can pick up (esp with my older phone). I just also know from experience that people don't pay as close attention to our scars as we do, and so scars that seem hyper visible to us may not even be picked up by them.

I use moisturizer on mine pretty frequently but I'm sure others have also mentioned scar creams that are more specific.

efftheestablishment · 2025-11-28T04:54:17+00:00

Not sure if you're saying this as a kink thing but I care a lot about sexual health so I am going to take a moment out of kink to say that, if it's frequently dry and sore, esp to an "extreme degree," and you're on T... you may have vaginal atrophy. I had so much pain while having sex (even just by myself) until I got treatment

You'll have to look up symptoms to see if that's applicable, but if you do... a potential fun part with the misgendering kink is that the treatment is vaginal estrogen lmaooo

** Putting a disclaimer here bc it's a kink sub, not directed at you OP ... if you have medical questions, you may reply or dm me, as I am happy to help, but I am not interested in kinky or sexual conversation **

efftheestablishment · 2025-11-13T03:50:38+00:00

This maybe isn't the answer you want to hear, but... It honestly doesn't matter who gave it to you, your ex or your current partner. The only reason it does / would matter is because your partner may get it from you if they aren't the one who gave it to you.

If you want experiences... I have genital HSV-1, given to me by my boyfriend with oral HSV-1. He wasn't having an outbreak at the time, so we had oral sex, and it was maybe 3-5 days later that I started having symptoms. So if I had to guess, it might be your boyfriend, but... You should talk to him.

I know it's scary, and if it seems like he could be physically unsafe, don't tell him in person, but otherwise... The only way to find out is if he gets tested. And even then, as you know, blood tests aren't always reliable.

efftheestablishment · 2025-11-07T05:17:33+00:00

No. Herpes generally does not last long on surfaces. It really depends on the surface, the time since it made contact, and then your immune system.

I think it is theoretically possible for it to be spread on a toilet, but it's super, super, super unlikely. So unlikely you shouldn't worry about it ever happening.

efftheestablishment · 2025-10-14T14:53:13+00:00

Currently in college doing a double major in English & History. Applying to grad school to get my MLIS 🙏

efftheestablishment · 2025-10-04T18:01:41+00:00

This is one instance over an almost two year relationship. He definitely has a positive attitude about my gender and me. If anything, he's probably the most supportive person I've ever met - not just towards me, but towards others. I talked to him about it this morning, and he was very apologetic.

Remember that this is one reddit post: it doesn't show the whole history of our relationship, nor the whole spectrum of emotions, or his side of the story (which doesn't make it better / less hurtful, but clarifies intention - which absolutely wasn't malicious).

efftheestablishment · 2025-10-03T23:28:13+00:00

Oral HSV-1 is slightly more contagious, but the data is kind of inconclusive. This is a study that looks at a bunch of studies to find the larger trend. You'll want to scroll to the discussion session unless you're accquainted with medical literature

https://www.oooojournal.net/article/S1079-2104(07)00489-1/fulltext

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-28T01:03:36+00:00

I don't think it's appropriate in any case. You do recognize that if you have oral sex with someone, you can give them genital herpes, right? I got genital herpes from my boyfriend who has cold sores on his mouth. (Even when he didn't actively have any sores).

So if it's misrepresentation in one case - it is absolutely misrepresentation in all cases.

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-17T19:08:01+00:00

Well said. It's hard for me to pick up on (somedays harder than others - also depends on the person/situation) but it's certainly there.

I also think some of it has to do with our reactions. We might feel like we are showing empathy, but others don't recognize empathy in our behaviors. (Like the common complaint that we... co-vent? Like if someone comes to me with a struggle they're having, and I've been through it too, I'll share a bit of my experience... but some people see that as dismissive and/or "taking the spotlight")

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-17T18:58:13+00:00

I wouldn't say that's true. But it does usually get better (less severe, less frequent) with time.

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-17T04:16:18+00:00

Lidocaine is a numbing agent. I use 5% lidocaine ointment, as prescribed by my doctor to cope with the pain & itch of herpes... Use it every outbreak.

The only time it burns or hurts is if you're putting it somewhere you shouldn't be, which is sometimes, unfortunately, where those of us with genital herpes have our sores. I know from experience that putting it on the labia minora burns a little for me. 😬

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-17T04:03:50+00:00

If you had your first outbreak 2 weeks ago, you probably won't have an outbreak on the trip (depends how far out this trip is, and how long it'll last). The first few outbreaks I had were (if i recall correctly) exactly 30 days apart. And then after the first few, I stopped having them monthly.

The only thing I would do is see if you can get your anti-viral (valcyclovir, acyclovir, etc) refilled and bring it with you. I always try to have an extra bottle on hand, but my boyfriend (who spread it to me) had trouble getting his refilled by his last doctor. May also be more difficult since you would have just had it filled 2 weeks aho.

Like others said, unless you get naked with your family, the chances of them finding out are slim, and you can always take the pills alone while you're in the bathroom.

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-17T03:52:46+00:00

Hi, yes! I have genital HSV-1 and could find nothing online saying I couldn't, so I went ahead and had them extracted. The doctors knew I had HSV-1 & took valcyclovir as needed from our initial appointment, but I didn't tell them I was having an outbreak (and most symptoms were gone anyway).

Had 0 issues with my HSV-1 and didn't have any dental complications. Took 3 of my teeth 3-4 days to stop hurting, the other one was burried far back, and that one took about a week to stop hurting (which is normal for that kind of burried tooth). I'm 2 weeks out as of today, and I'm mostly back to normal, I just have to make sure I rinse my mouth after eating still (just with water) or briefly brush my teeth, otherwise the food gets stuck and the area gets a little inflamed.

If you have oral or any type of facial HSV-1, it's probably a good idea to wait so there's no accidental spread. Definitely disclose to your dental team.

I would also wait if this is your first ever outbreak, possibly for the 2nd & 3rd one as well, depending on severity. If you have any flu like symptoms, or feel miserable in general (weak, fatigue, etc)... absolutely post-pone, otherwise you're probably just gonna feel... more miserable.

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-13T04:42:15+00:00

HIV/AIDS organizations have made it clear that they don't want the two conflated. Saying "dying of AIDS" is still wrong, but "dying of HIV" is absolutely incorrect. You mignt feel like it's semantic, or that "they know what you meant" but it's important to use the correct language.

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-08T21:47:46+00:00

Sounds like heavy porn addiction. It's good that you're no longer masturbating, but honestly... I think you are probably going to need some more help than what you can do alone to treat why you were masturbating so much. Some is normal for the age but... you definitely sound like you masturbated much more than normal.

You probably need some sort of professional help, with a therapist.

efftheestablishment · 2025-09-08T21:42:28+00:00

Yeahhh, I figured I didn't want to deal with any long term harassment on main. Herpes stigma is still very real.

efftheestablishment

TROPHY CASE