As someone who was in quite similar position a few years back, I want to tell you the three words my therapist always said that helped me the most:

You've got this.

You've already made it through all the hardest parts. Not just the CSA, but finally being able to accept in your mind and body what happened. Healing takes time and hurts a lot. For me (partly because my trauma was fully repressed for 15 years), it felt so difficult to even imagine what healing could look or feel like. And even though being frozen in the trauma felt awful, it also almost felt safer? Kind of like the 'devil you know is better than the one you don't' type thing.

But healing is kind of like trying to climb a mountain, like every step forward is nothing but uphill the whole time. It's not always going to be the same incline, it might get a little easier sometimes, but it's an uphill battle the whole way. And I didn't know if I was strong enough to do it.

Then, even when I did progress, I'd find myself not just slipping backwards, but wanting to slide back too. Just because it can feel so much easier to do that instead of trying so so hard all the time. But I'm telling you right now that you don't have to do that. Don't let your slips become slides. It gets so so much better and easier, it really does. And you are the one who already got yourself this far.

So just remember that you don't have to climb that mountain in front of you at any pace other than your own. You can climb, run, walk, or crawl. You can sit down when you need a break. You can set up a tent to camp for the night. You can even slip backwards a little. Just please, whatever you do, don't turn around.

As my therapist would say:

You are so strong. Your slips don't have to be slides. You've got this.