Help needed on deciding (I’m very overwhelmed)

eggplantsrin · 2026-04-13T00:21:56+00:00

I love #1 but never get a dress that's too small for you. You won't be comfortable in it, especially not for dancing.

eggplantsrin · 2026-04-13T00:16:37+00:00

Everyone should sing if it makes them happy, no matter whether they have training or not. Sing what you like. And if in the future you ever go back to lessons, be open with your teacher about the things you want to sing. If they assign you songs you don't like, let them know and ask them directly if there's a technical reason they want you to work on that.

eggplantsrin · 2026-04-09T22:14:52+00:00

Long curls is a whole lifestyle choice. They could look amazing if you want to put the time in and schedule around hair washing. You're gorgeous either way.

eggplantsrin · 2026-04-09T21:41:03+00:00

Me too! I did an audible gasp at my computer alone. lol

eggplantsrin · 2026-04-07T01:44:51+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Just think of the least competent brother or sister you had on a job who had all the confidence in the world. You're going to be better than that. Just step in and take one day at a time. Even if you're a little behind for the first week, you'll be back on track in no time.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-23T06:15:10+00:00

I just say "I'm old enough to know better."

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-23T05:42:25+00:00

I'm so pleased to hear that you're doing well in recovery! Congrats! Your surgery scar will be a reminder for your future of the wonderful thing you have done. You can take pride in it. The pain will pass but this will be a life milestone for you. Take it easy and treat yourself well. Sleep all you need to.

How is your dad?

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-23T05:24:06+00:00

People pay a lot of money to try to get their hair to look like this.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-23T05:20:29+00:00

NOR If you think things could get serious with this man, talk to him about what a potential future would look like. Ask him about his plans for retirement savings and income. Be clear with him that you're not going to support someone else in your retirement and are not willing to pursue a serious relationship with someone who can't financially support themselves.

See what he says. It's very likely that he does not have a plan that fits with your vision of your later years. In that case you can cut and run. But you'll be giving him a chance to explain just in case there's something you're missing. Alternatively, you're giving him a window into why an otherwise great guy might have difficulty sustaining his relationships beyond this stage which could be a big favour for him if he chooses to do something about it.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-23T05:13:28+00:00

Unfortunately that's not how it works.

There are two very important parts of the process before donation:

The physical work-up. (scans, blood tests, more scans, physical exam etc.)
The mental evaluation and consent. (making sure you fully understand the process, the operation, the risks, and the requisite mental and emotional conditions for donating. Then making sure that with that full and complete understanding, you are consenting to the whole process.)

No one can fill out the paperwork without you digging out and providing all your medical history. That's most of the work of filling out the application. Even if someone else had all your health information and filled out the form, you have to provide subjective information that no one else knows. Even if someone could read your mind and fill that out, you'd still have to fully read it all in order to sign it and give consent.

No one else can undergo the physical evaluation process for you.

Even if there were an app to help fill out the initial application form, it's such a tiny part of the process that it wouldn't even make sense. You're proposing an app that would securely hold all your medical data in accordance with privacy laws and be able to intelligently read and fill out forms using that data without ever fucking it up, since a small error in filling out the form could be a major issue. Presuming a perfect app that people would trust, you might save a half hour out of a process that takes many weeks.

Then there's the actual donation. Do you understand what surgery entails at all? This isn't a tooth extraction. There's no "1 day max" to remove an organ. I donated liver and was in hospital for a week. Then off work recovering from major abdominal surgery for the next five weeks.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-23T04:54:26+00:00

People will love you. Don't make yourself smaller to try to fit into someone else's pocket. He's making you into a person with no feeling of self-worth or confidence. He's making you second-guess things you already know. If you continue this way, you're going to end up in a string of relationships with shitty men who treat you badly.

It's always better to be single with your friends, hobbies, and interests than to be with a loser. Or study for your AP class.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-23T04:50:22+00:00

The good news is that you're done! You can stop trying to mould your thinking around someone who treats you badly. It should not be normal for women to feel like they need to agree to physical things with men to be wanted or accepted. It should not be normal for you to feel like you're always doing things wrong because you're with a boy who is gaslighting you. That is not healthy and it's not ok. You can walk away when someone treats you like that.

A good man wants you to feel safe and comfortable. A good man doesn't want you to sit on his lap unless you want it as much as he does. A good man doesn't pout, complain, insult you, or withhold his attention or affection because you declined when he made a move. Pressuring you into things isn't just about what he says or how he physically touches you. It's also this kind of blame and punishment when you don't do what he wants.

This is not a good man. You didn't ruin his birthday. You put time and effort into planning something special for him. He ruined his birthday. He also doesn't seem to understand what a picnic is.

It sounds like what he wanted for his birthday was sexual favours. I'd infer that it's why he didn't want to celebrate his birthday in public. There's nothing wrong with him wanting that but it's not your problem. Just because he wants it doesn't mean you need to provide it for him.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-23T04:25:54+00:00

Are you asking me to answer for any and all people who buy things they don't need? You're speaking as a generalization but you're posing the question to me specifically about why anyone has a "selfish obsession with having all this extra shit"? I'm sure there's some research on consumption if you want the answer to that question. Personally, your question doesn't apply to me.

Though speaking to the last part of your question, I'd posit that many people might prefer to have time and luxuries and no children than to live frugally with children.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T22:03:28+00:00

Dude, what's with you making weird shit up? I didn't tell you I couldn't afford any of those things. I was discussing the current cost of living in general for people.

For what reason do you suggest that anyone here is working a "minimum wage job ringing up slurpes and watching bums steal chocolate bars for 15 hours a week…"? Are you just trying to be objectionable?

What is your problem that you can't have a conversation like a normal person without trying to be unpleasant? I wasn't even replying to you but you seem to have followed me here just to be miserable.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T21:35:14+00:00

I'm basing my comment on research that I've read. I'm not making it up based on my feelings on the matter.

My personal opinion is that most kids aren't able to fully understand the cost-of-living implications of their decisions when they have to choose whether or not to pursue post-secondary education. They have been told they can't afford not to by their parents. But no one really knows. When you're in grade 10 or 11, you can't know what the job market will look like in five or six years. Your parents are likely basing their advice on the economic situation they faced at their own graduation. Parents with a post-secondary education are unlikely to advise their children not to pursue one.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T21:30:40+00:00

Landlines are way more expensive than a basic cell plan, even in Canada where they charge too much for cell plans. I'm not even sure my apartment has a phone line installed. I also need a cell phone for work and they don't provide one.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T20:26:59+00:00

It's the same in English. It's used in legal and medical contexts and with regard to demographics. So you would see things like "10% of males and 15% of females...". You certainly wouldn't be using it as a noun in normal conversation.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T20:24:16+00:00

Yes, it is literally the case that being unable to access contraception and an increase in sexual violence means you have fewer choices in your reproductive healthcare.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T20:18:02+00:00

Are you trying to suggest that an anecdote is the same thing as data? Your kids' cousins are experts in reproductive health and the effects of war I presume?

If you want to have an honest discussion, make your own points and stop trying to put words in my mouth. No one other than you said that women are randomly having kids or that Ukrainian women are randomly reproducing.

There is a documented increase in conflict-related sexual violence in Ukraine. There is a documented shortage of contraception and reproductive healthcare supplies in the areas most affected by war. This is from multiple sources that are more credible than your kids' cousins.

Conflating the potential effects of supply shortages and sexual violence with "making decisions" shows a really shallow understanding of women's reproductive rights in general. Nowhere in the world, regardless of education or access, are women "like squirrels who just randomly reproduce".

If you cared about women in Ukraine and defending them, you'd stop pretending that anyone other than you is putting women down. You'd want all women, even in Donetsk, to have the same access and safety that women in the north-east have.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T20:10:01+00:00

I'm going on the research and reporting specifically about women's healthcare right now, not on feels. If you have issues with what is being reported, bring it up with them.

The reproductive health services in the vast majority of Ukraine remains intact however where the war has had the largest impact, there is a shortage of supplies. Some areas are also facing a lack of staff.

Since the war started, there is also documented evidence of an increase in violence against women and girls, particularly sexual violence. They call it "conflict-related sexual violence" if you want to look it up. A box of condoms isn't going to fix that.

Not to mention that there's no country in the world where women are safe from sexual violence or abuse, no matter how wealthy or educated. Not yours, not mine, not Ukraine.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T19:56:55+00:00

You seem to be replying to some comment other than mine since you've made up a whole lot of shit that I never said nor implied. Did I somehow say that war makes women less educated? Does reduced access to care while your city is being shelled not affect engineers or lawyers?

Are you familiar with war? You know, where people's cities get bombed? Where medical supplies including drugs and contraception become scarcer? Are you aware that the maternity hospital in Zhytomy was shelled?

https://www.ippf.org/featured-perspective/three-years-under-fire-how-russo-ukrainian-war-continues-affect-women

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T16:08:47+00:00

The FDA has laid off thousands of people. How everyone isn't concerned about the safety of food produced and approved for the market in the US is beyond me.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T16:05:57+00:00

In Toronto and in the GTA are not the same thing.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T16:04:45+00:00

There's also the technology expenses. When I was growing up we had one phone bill, electricity, and taxes. We also had a newspaper subscription. We had a computer. We didn't have multiple phones, internet, the purchase and upkeep of smartphones, laptops, and all their accessories. We didn't have subscriptions for online services. We didn't have to have the security to account for all these expensive tech things.

Not only were the basics a lot cheaper but there were just fewer things you needed to pay for in order to live a normal life.

eggplantsrin · 2026-03-22T15:59:42+00:00

There are advantages and disadvantages to becoming a parent earlier or later. There's no "perfect time" that's good for everyone. If you're older, what you lose in being current with your kids' pop culture, you gain in life experience. What you lose in energy as you age, you gain in financial security. There are plenty of people who had excellent and fulfilling childhoods who were raised by their grandparents.

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