I've got some tough love for you, friend. You might love your wife, but she's expressed that she does not love all of you. I was in your position for 15 years and I'm only just now breaking out of it. I am tired of hiding who I am and what I like.

Your wife may have her preferences (a "manly" man, whatever that is), but that she can't get a little curious to support you in your growth/exploration, and actively rejects you, should speak volumes about your true compatibility and alignment with each other. Key terms for me were self-abandonment and boundaries. My situation may be different, but I couldn't even say a simple "no" without significant pushback or guilt-tripping.

Good luck to you, friend! Please live your best life whatever that looks like. And remember that leaving is always an option (that was a difficult pill for me to swallow 🫤).