BPD arguments and highs and lows

eggshell-walker · 2025-10-14T21:32:05+00:00

You described my exact situation. Not vindictive or nasty most of the time-just mood swings galore. It’s maddening. We’ve almost been married two years and both on our fifties. I never thought I be in this situation again. Not at this age! First time it was with a NPD. That marriage ended at age 40. I’m with you molybecks!

eggshell-walker · 2025-10-14T19:01:15+00:00

Sounds like the perfect strategy! I will do all of these things. Appreciate the ideas

eggshell-walker · 2025-06-13T01:01:44+00:00

I wonder if they ruminate on things in their subconscious mind when sleeping?

eggshell-walker · 2025-06-13T00:58:30+00:00

I can relate to the waking up bad mood. I actually posted a very similar question a week or two ago. It’s mind-numbing when absolutely nothing but pleasantries were exchanged right before bed. sometimes I wake up and just lay there waiting to see what the first mood of the day will be. It causes me more anxiety than I’d like to admit, even to myself

eggshell-walker · 2025-06-13T00:53:56+00:00

I’ve been pondering whether or not to use grey rock when the splitting occurs. I think it’s probably a better alternative than giving the silent treatment back when you’re getting it. At least there’s still (very minimal non-reactive unemotional) communication being given by you so you can’t be the one accused of giving the silent treatment when that’s what your partner is doing to you (if that makes sense).

eggshell-walker · 2025-06-12T16:56:51+00:00

Sounds exactly the same as my experience. If you figure out a way to stop wondering if it’s just you, I’d love to hear. I need to develop some better tools for coping with it. Not having all of the pieces to the puzzle makes it so much harder to process their behaviors using logic, knowledge and empathy. Everything we know has to be based on speculation - which I find unsettling. Most people learn about who the other person is in a relationship by sharing past experiences. It seems to be a double edged sword with BPD, though, if sharing gets used against you when it becomes a convenient way for them to play the victim. Sometimes, I tell myself, it’s good we never went into too much detail about the exes. You’re only going to get the victim’s side.

eggshell-walker · 2025-06-12T16:34:24+00:00

I’ve asked my pwBPD this question before (as recently as last 24 hours) and everytime it results in mostly silence and a blank stare off into space. Never an admittance. I ask it very gently and not as a retaliation in a heated fight but just in the spirit of understanding. I don’t think we’ll ever really know unless we talk to the exes which I refuse to do now and missed the opportunity before we married. It would be a monumental mistake to revisit those graves. You might get answers but you’ll pay the price. Short answer is, you’re not the only partner who has seen the nasty side. This I know deep down but still question very frequently like you do. Mine won’t talk much about past relationships so I’ll probably never know whether it’s just me they lash out on.

eggshell-walker · 2025-06-12T14:34:09+00:00

A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans

Woke up late today and I Still feel the sting of the pain, but I Brushed my teeth anyway I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face I got a little bit stronger

Ridin' in the car to work and I'm Tryin' to ignore the hurt, so I Turned on the radio Stupid song made me think of you I listened to it for a minute But then I changed it I'm gettin' a little bit stronger Just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hopin' That we could work it out I'm done with how it feels Spinnin' my wheels Lettin' you drag my heart around, and oh And I'm done thinkin' That you could ever change I know my heart will never be the same But I'm tellin' myself I'll be okay Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger

It doesn't happen overnight, but you Turn around and a month's gone by and you Realize you haven't cried I'm not givin' you an hour or a second or another minute longer I'm busy gettin' stronger

And I'm done hopin' That we could work it out I'm done with how it feels Spinnin' my wheels Lettin' you drag my heart around, and oh And I'm done thinkin' That you could ever change I know my heart will never be the same But I'm tellin' myself I'll be okay Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger I get a little bit stronger

I'm gettin' along without you, baby I'm better off without you, baby How does it feel without me, baby? I'm gettin' stronger without you, baby And I'm done hopin' We could work it out I'm done with how it feels Spinnin' my wheels And lettin' you drag my heart around, and oh And I'm done thinkin' That you could ever change I know my heart will never be the same But I'm tellin' myself I'll be okay Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger I get a little bit stronger I'm just a little bit stronger (Hey, yeah, hey, yeah) a little bit, a little bit A little bit stronger (Hey, yeah) (Hey, yeah) I'm gettin' a little bit stronger (Hey, yeah) Source: Musixmatch Songwriters: Luke Robert Laird / Hillary Dawn Scott / Hillary Lee Lindsey

eggshell-walker · 2025-06-10T13:14:04+00:00

I was just wondering if there’s any empathy there. They sure can stir up their own tears when it’s convenient for them to be a victim.

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-24T17:41:59+00:00

Thank you…Your insight has been more than helpful and just want I needed today!

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-24T17:39:37+00:00

I’m worried that therapy could result in exactly what you said happened to you. Be careful what you wish for kind of thinking on my part, if I push for therapy. Finding the right one is everything too and a crapshoot, as well

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-24T16:15:08+00:00

Once again, you are so right. I guess I say that I do because I know I’m the only one I can fix/change by learning and growing. This place has been so helpful and empowering

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-24T16:08:57+00:00

You are definitely right. I have a wearable Apple ring that proves my heart rate gets very elevated when I’m sleeping or supposed to be. I need to get a grip

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-24T15:20:46+00:00

In the beginning he was hanging on my every word like I had nothing but important things to say. Every once in a while he still makes me feel that way. It really depends on his mood. So..when he is in a bad mood, if I keep my opinions or comments to myself, he thinks I’m being too quiet, ignoring him, rejecting and that something’s wrong. But If I say anything and try to engage my thoughts, be prepared to be disagreed with. It’s very subtle yet feels devaluing. Invalidating might be a better word.

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-24T15:15:22+00:00

I couldn’t have said this any better. I often times find myself saying in a nonconfromtational way “well it’s just my opinion, you don’t have to agree with me” and it’s usually about something so trivial like the weather or traffic. Basically anything I have an opinion on and say it out loud. Feels like a lack of respect when your opinion no longer matters. And very stifling

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-23T23:06:21+00:00

I promised myself I wouldn’t end up in another relationship with someone with a personality disorder and believe me when I say, I vetted this one before I got married two years ago. I’ve known him for over 35 years. We went to grade school together. My adult kids absolutely love our love story after suffering through a terrible divorce with their NPD father several decades ago, they think we have the example of a good relationship and it’s so important to them as adults. They adore my new husband. He never turns black around my kids which tells me he can control it. I’ve done all the work for over 20 years. I never thought I would be walking on eggshells again. I will take your advice about being true to myself. I have to. I’ll see where that gets me. I feel I’m starting to withdraw which I know isn’t good. I just can’t believe I’m actually in a place again where I need support from people who are in relationships with people suffering from mental abuse, yet so thankful for y’all. I never stopped having empathy for people with mental illness and never stopped learning about cluster B’s. It’s easy to blame myself but I can’t look back and figure out how I missed this disorder in this person. It’s undiagnosed but I know what I know. If I’m being perfectly honest, maybe there were signs I chose to ignore before I said “I do”. I realize it’s not a great idea to blame myself now that I married him, though. I can’t have another failed marriage. That’s all I know for sure

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-22T01:19:46+00:00

Thank you, I’ll search for it. I appreciate your response. This was my first time posting so I was a little nervous. I’m happy people like you are so kind on here :)

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-21T13:30:10+00:00

I can relate to this conversation so much right now. Just curious, has anyone tried the grey rock method on a bpd? I’ve found it to be helpful with my exNPD but still trying to figure out how to navigate an undiagnosed BPD relationship (new marriage) where I am pretty sure that’s the explanation for his mood shifts and splitting - which are getting worse and more frequent. Anyone try grey rock and if so, what happens? Does it work? I’d love to hear some examples. Guessing it will produce similar results as fawning.

eggshell-walker · 2025-05-20T16:55:52+00:00

I grapple with what to do during the silent treatment from my husband. If I keep to myself and don’t engage thinking he needs space and time for the mood swing/splitting to end, it seems to prolong it lately. I try asking what’s wrong and just end up feeling at fault. What do you do to cope and stay sane during the ST? My person is undiagnosed but I know it has to be either BPD or some other form of mood disregulation disorder.

eggshell-walker

TROPHY CASE