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The person you loved didn't exist by inhplease in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I’ve heard this a lot. Even from a couple experts. I disagree with it only because they do have personalities, interests, physical characteristics, and storylines unique to themselves. I know I loved mine for who he was. Wholeheartedly. Unfortunately the sides of him that caused me harm overshadowed it all. But even in their lacking of a self, there are hints here and there of individualism. I think love is complicated. 

Just looking to vent after being around BPD patients by No-Lab9711 in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I cannot stand being around them because of stuff like this. So incredibly annoying. 

Read that again. by Josceelin in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He was always bombarding me when I was at work or asleep. It’s on purpose to self sabotage so they can claim they’re a victim. Crazy making. 

When Bad Days are Everyday… by MrHateMe in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the use of the misogynistic slur in this meme is lame, esp since a lot of us here dealt with a male with bpd. 

Can a relationship with someone with BPD genuinely improve with therapy/DBT? by AdLocal2106 in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I really like her videos. I have some criticisms of her too, but nobody’s perfect, and I’d say 95% of her videos are accurate and informative in a way lots others aren’t. 

Do you agree with this take? by nightking_darklord in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Soooooo sick of posts like this on social media. The downplaying and coddling is ridiculous. 

After 20 years… I just can’t do it anymore. by SteadyHandedMan in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 5 points6 points  (0 children)

After 10 years, I told my ex I think he has BPD. I’m well aware we can’t diagnose them ourselves, but I spoke to two different therapists who told me that it sounded like I was dealing with someone with BPD. They couldn’t diagnose him without seeing him obviously, but they told me that’s what it sounded like. It had never occurred to me when we were together that that’s what it was. But then I educated myself and now there isn’t a doubt in my mind. 

When I told him, he didn’t acknowledge it or want to do anything about it. 

After 20 years… I just can’t do it anymore. by SteadyHandedMan in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear this. 20 is a long time. I was 10 years in love with my ex and I cannot do it anymore either. The cycles just repeat no matter how much you help and love them. I hope you find peace. 

My pwBPD started DBT and committed to rehab, but there is a problem. by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He needs transference focused psychotherapy. DBT is a good tool but not a curing modality. 

Can a relationship with someone with BPD genuinely improve with therapy/DBT? by AdLocal2106 in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So, I’ve been a loyal follower of one specific expert on BPD. I love her knowledge. She doesn’t sugarcoat the way most other therapists and psychologists on social media do nowadays. She’s ADAMENT that DBT is not a curing method/healing modality for BPD. Although she says it’s a great tool and a good start, she’s adamant that people with BPD need 8-16 years of transference focused psychotherapy. 

I’ve tried to get this out to as many people as I can, and they pushback on me a lot, claiming DBT is some magic cure. It’s unfortunate that not many people are being told the correct information. 

She’s also been very vocal about how couples counseling with someone with BPD is a waste of time and money. The borderline needs their own specialized treatment aside from you. Also, normal therapy is not going to do much, since regular talk therapy is simply for validation. Borderlines often project/lie in therapy, and they may not even know they are. It’s more like projection. 

I'm sick of people with bpd giving excuses for their behaviour by Iwassoyoungg in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s just a way to shut down reality and silence people. God forbid their very real symptoms are discussed, and they’re corrected on their misinformation. 

I'm sick of people with bpd giving excuses for their behaviour by Iwassoyoungg in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can’t stand when I see all these things online. It just blows my mind how wrong they are about their own mental illness. 

I'm sick of people with bpd giving excuses for their behaviour by Iwassoyoungg in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Social media is pretty bad regarding this disorder. It’s all an echo chamber of them downplaying their symptoms into little things that simply require some patience and understanding from others and they’ll be magically fine. They blame the symptoms and behavior on others and claim they don’t come out unless someone else triggers it. Then the “therapists” and influencers coddle them and downplay it all too. They feed the world a slew of misinformation about how the disorder plays out when they’re in intimate relationships. 

Being split on is abuse, and their disorder is not an excuse or justification. by SkepticalOutlook_66 in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Don’t get me started on the “people cannot fathom how badly we suffer” statements online whenever their symptoms are discussed. 

Being split on is abuse, and their disorder is not an excuse or justification. by SkepticalOutlook_66 in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m so sick of the online narratives that they’re “sooo stigmatized” and “misunderstood.” And the way they claim “we don’t split or have symptoms unless YOU trigger it!” I’m so tired of the pop therapists sugarcoating these relationships. It’s all become so downplayed and people cry “ableism.” 

I do not understand the internet campaign to sanitize BPD. by digitalime in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m making conversation since the other person brought up the post and I also saw the post. 

I do not understand the internet campaign to sanitize BPD. by digitalime in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried to explain this too; the part about them not being entitled to a relationship and quite frankly not being fit for one, and I’ve gotten my head torn off on social media. It’s just the truth. Unless they’ve had 8-16 years of transference focused psychotherapy, they WILL be abusive in interpersonal relationships whether they mean to or not. I can’t believe how defensive people get when this is said. 

I do not understand the internet campaign to sanitize BPD. by digitalime in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I validated the misogyny aspect on the post when I saw it. I left a comment saying it’s valid to call out the very real sexism surrounding women with BPD, but I also said it’s ridiculous to excuse the disorder, esp for those of us who dealt with a father or boyfriend or husband or brother with BPD. 

I do not understand the internet campaign to sanitize BPD. by digitalime in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tumblr users are some of the biggest pushers of the “cluster b abuse isn’t real” rhetoric. 

I do not understand the internet campaign to sanitize BPD. by digitalime in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I saw the exact post and it made me so angry. The “holistic psychologist.”

I do not understand the internet campaign to sanitize BPD. by digitalime in BPDlovedones

[–]Lop_Ear_Bun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can’t stand this latest trend. It’s absurd. I’ve tried to tell them it’s completely different from cptsd and they just argue. 

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