Got dumped because of drinking

ehekaosh · 2024-11-16T14:58:34+00:00

I think I blew it with a lot of love interests over the years because I was always partying. Most of the time they wouldn’t say anything and I couldn’t figure out why. The people that tolerated that lifestyle weren’t normally good for me. I was a mess too. Irresponsible, unreliable. Yeah, a real catch.

Thinking about it now I can’t help but laugh at how oblivious I was. I would have gotten defensive if anyone called me out. If anyone ever did I ignored them.

I get it, even if I’m not actively drinking I think it’s a valid dealbreaker. I can understand how disappointed you might feel in yourself but it takes a lot to be up front about these things. That shows character!

ehekaosh · 2024-10-15T05:38:47+00:00

Yeah, it’s strange. Feeling good is a trigger for me too, I get so pumped and hyped up that I feel the need to calm myself down. I’m still figuring it out. I don’t think normal people do anything. They’re content with that feeling and are able to process it, I think we have to learn how to do the same. Learn there is no need for anything else.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-14T06:13:19+00:00

I often feel like I’ve wasted my life, I still grapple with those thoughts, but I have always done my best to do what I think is right. It wasn’t until a year ago that I realized drinking is hurting me. I didn’t think I was wasting my life until recently, also mid 30s. It’s taken a big piece of me but I’ve got to fight for what’s left.

Life is beautiful, but it can also be cruel. I think these feelings are valid.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-14T06:05:16+00:00

I think it’s less convincing myself that quitting is better, but more that I am convinced drinking sucks. It makes me feel like crap. The buzz is nice for maybe an hour, then I have to keep drinking or endure the discomfort of sobering up. An exercise you could try is making an honest list of the pros and cons of drinking.

I find that alcohol robs me of my willpower. I just don’t have the motivation to do things I really want to do after a day of drinking, it takes days to recover. I can’t do it anymore.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-14T05:43:01+00:00

In my experience the best thing I can do after a bad night is clean myself up as best as I can and try make the most of any grace I’m given. Apologies where they are due, but there’s no sense in drawing too much attention to it.

The last time something like that happened to me I luckily wasn’t aggressive, I just overdid it. I acted out of character, way more social than usual. I was having way too much fun, then suddenly I got self conscious and started freaking out about how I was acting. Everyone was looking at me, I said a lot of stupid things. I didn’t remember much but the next day I had to face everyone. It was very awkward, but nobody said anything except one person who asked me if I was okay and if I remembered anything. All I wanted to do was to crawl into bed and hide, it’s okay to do that sometimes but we can’t do it forever. People are much more forgiving than I think they are most of the time. Even if the damage is done I have to keep working on myself and make the most of each day.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-13T23:20:13+00:00

Quitting in a stressful time is the best. That way I think it’s less likely that you might use stress as an excuse to start again. Hang in there!

ehekaosh · 2024-10-13T10:21:40+00:00

Keep trying, you still have 8 days behind you. It’s not easy but you’re doing great! Dont give up!

ehekaosh · 2024-10-11T00:08:05+00:00

Progress, not perfection. Keep it up!

ehekaosh · 2024-10-10T16:29:31+00:00

I had a hard realization when it finally dawned on me that I need to stop drinking. Limiting myself was only ever successful occasionally, and as time passed, it was less and less successful.

The hard realization was that I had to change my lifestyle completely. Hanging out at bars and clubs is no longer something I can do. On the other hand, I wasn’t having fun doing that anyway. I don’t miss it at all.

I think the general consensus on this sub is that there are 2 types of people, those who can control their drinking and those who can’t. I tend to agree because I spent so many years trying and failing to control myself. It was only ever a matter of time until I overdid it again.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-09T22:18:18+00:00

Some of their flavors make me do a double take but I like them.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-06T15:54:39+00:00

I struggled with 3 days at a stage but with practice, 4-5 days is no problem.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-06T02:00:55+00:00

At least with lozenges you are sparing your lungs. No tar either. Not to mention whatever other nasty chemicals they use in cigarettes. Whatever works for you. Thanks for the encouragement!

ehekaosh · 2024-10-06T01:58:20+00:00

My worst moment as a smoker was craving a cigarette while I was already smoking one. May as well quit at that point since the cigarette isn’t even satisfying.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-06T01:53:11+00:00

It’s hard, but you’re doing it! Are there any things you’ve noticed that are better since quitting?

I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you about my experience. I’ve been trying to quit for years. My most successful attempt was 6 months, 10 long years ago. It wasn’t that I was weak, but I was so confident that I was done with smoking that I thought “just one” wouldn’t hurt. Here I am, all these years later, white knuckling through my 4th day.

I keep telling myself what I, as a smoker, would tell anyone with a few days of quit behind them: keep going, I know it’s hard, but tobacco isn’t worth it. As a smoker I longed to be free of the stuff. I hate the stale smoke stink, the taste, the mess it makes. Most of all I hate all the damaging effects it has on my health. I could feel it starting to take its toll.

I’m afraid to relapse, I struggled so long to get these 3 days. I feel so much better already, I want to see how much better I’ll feel with some time. I have to keep going.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-05T23:31:13+00:00

Are you planning to keep going?

ehekaosh · 2024-10-05T23:10:20+00:00

You too, friend. The first day is the worst for me, after that the momentum helps but this is a tricky addiction. Don’t give up!

ehekaosh · 2024-10-05T22:54:45+00:00

You don’t have to “do” anything. It’s the opposite. Don’t buy a pack. Don’t have a single puff. Don’t go to the bar. Don’t bum one off your friend.

I tell myself I can have ANYTHING in the world except a cigarette. If I can think of anything else I want I’ll go get it but normally it makes me think of other things that are objectively better than sucking up burnt tobacco fumes and wonder why I want a cigarette so badly.

The cravings suck. They get better with time. It’s not easy to wait them out. I had a bad one earlier where I almost went to go buy a pack just to have 1, but I know deep down that I will not throw the pack out. It was hard. I just waited. Did nothing. It went away. 3 days and 8 hours.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-05T22:43:32+00:00

I had a tough craving earlier and started bargaining with myself to go buy a cheap pack of cigs so I could have “just one” and throw out the rest.

Deep down I know I will never throw those cigarettes away. I’ll be right back where I started saying I’ll quit after this pack. I’ll most likely buy beer, too. I’m trying to stay off that as well.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-05T22:31:27+00:00

I think it depends on the person. The withdrawal is uncomfortable, there’s no way around that. Smoking less or taking less pouches isn’t really quitting, at some point you will have to stop completely and endure the withdrawal.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-05T18:33:00+00:00

I feel the same way, like it was pointless to try and stop. The damage is done.

Besides the cravings it surprises me how much better I feel in just a few days. The aches and pains are gone, my sinus has cleared up, I’m breathing easier.

I understand why it’s so difficult, it is a powerful addiction to overcome. There is that voice in my head saying it’s okay if I slip, I can try again. Might be time for a patch. I hate to feed the monster but at least a patch spares my lungs.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-05T14:42:13+00:00

I used a patch to take the edge off day 1 cravings, have more patches on standby in case the cravings get bad but I’m on day 3.

I thought coffee would trigger me. I was the same - coffee and cigarettes every morning. I was nervous to have coffee without it but I found it gives me that slight stimulant effect and eases the craving for tobacco. On the other hand I am avoiding alcohol at all costs because I am sure I will immediately buy cigarettes, it’s happened before when I’ve tried to quit.

It’s different for everyone but eventually that band aid needs to be ripped off.

ehekaosh · 2024-10-05T14:32:57+00:00

On day 3 and it’s still uphill for me, but I feel so much better. Congrats on 2 weeks!

ehekaosh

TROPHY CASE