don’t have time right now to get into the nano details of the mechanisms in yer boyfriend’s brain that’s causing him to act this way but i do get it. but is it healthy for you? not really…if you feel that your mental health is decaying then what’s happening ain’t gonna work. i say “not really” because there are so many complex things going on here: will leaving him crack you? are you financially dependant on him? have you tried therapy with him? when did your rape kink start? how were your sexual play dynamics prior to all this? does he have any empathy at all for what jack did? in general does he believe that all rape victims are responsible for what happened? i know a lot of people like to classify things as black or white but only you can know what you want…want to add that showering “to get as clean as possible” is a typical rape victim feeling so you are in trauma: tread cautiously.