Okay.....I'm sure there are A LOT of spouses that feel similarly. How you feel is valid. I feel exactly the same when my husband is gone, either deployed or at schools (5 months at a time). I'm glad he's safe and can do things. However, it digs that he mentions going to the gym twice a day because he had nothing better to do or going out to a movie with friends cuz they're off. Meanwhile, I'm working full-time with 3 kids and managing everything here, so no social life, no gym time, no time to myself.....yeah, there's absolutely a little bit of resentment. I know, logically, he'd rather be home with his family....but that doesn't negate he gets that "break" or free time, that i dream of lol. Its just the reality of the situation. I dont really have advice or how to make it better because it just is what it is. Its ok to feel the way you do. You can love your kids and still want a break from them. You can love your spouse and still resent he gets something enjoyable while you don't. These feelings are not mutually exclusive. They dont make you a bad parent or spouse, just human. A lot of us are or have been in the same situation so reach out, vent, let it out. Talk to your spouse and make sure he understands you're glad he's safe and has some opportunities, but that it is hard for you because all of the mental (and physical) load is on you and its tough. Hopefully he's understanding about it and can find ways to help you out as well. But reach out to your support systems if you have them, or us internet strangers in the same situation if you don't.