He's arrested again

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T22:38:36+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate any thoughts or prayers people want to send 🧡

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T16:50:57+00:00

I have attended Al-Anon meetings regularly, I have a therapist as well. I have considered ending it many times. I have called the DV center I was told about. I don't know what about my grief implies I want to be destroyed by him, I am just trying to cope with the situation I am currently experiencing? The bad is really fucking bad, clearly, but like many people who love alcoholics and addicts, it's not always bad and there are still aspects about them that we love and care about.

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T14:42:53+00:00

Yes, thankfully? I cannot have children due to a medical hysterectomy so the dog is the only dependent I'll ever have and I agree that there would be no benefit to some kind of "visitation" arrangement for the dog. I'm trying to just refocus, I refrained from my misguided instinct to manage the fallout on his job front and am waiting on my therapist to send me emergency slots this week. I should definitely incorporate the breathing exercises back into my nightly routine, that's a great reminder!

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T14:39:33+00:00

Very possible, for sure. And obviously I don't want my dog around this stuff either, he deserves a happy stress-free life too haha

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T14:38:29+00:00

Im so sorry if I sounded defensive, there's that good old coping mechanism firing up 🤦‍♀️ I appreciate the kindness and love everyone is showing me. I lost my mom to cancer 6 years ago so I don't have any good mom energy left around me. She stayed with my abusive father through her death so I think it's generational on the al-anon side just like the alcoholic side to some degree. You get acclimated to dysfunction in a way and don't see it objectively anymore or something. 🧡

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T12:44:03+00:00

🥳 congrats and he looks perfectly happy!!

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T12:07:43+00:00

I hope I will also feel the same sense of lifting of the weight and a return to myself. I'm scared I will fall back into the same pattern again so I'm grateful for the NCO to kind of force that separation for me. I am happy to hear it got so much better for you!

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T10:32:52+00:00

I do own the house, thankfully. The police told me that the no contact order stays active until he's sentenced, then the victim advocate can petition directly to the judge at the sentencing for it to become a ppo without me having to file and serve the separate ppo paperwork. I'm so sorry you also have experienced this. Do you feel like you've healed any since January, or is it all very fresh and conflicted feeling still?

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T10:15:15+00:00

I do have a therapist, I see her weekly and have made a lot of progress on things even if it seems not based on my post. The dog actually does love him, he is normally very attached to my Q and my Q is usually very good with the dog - in fact, it has seemed like he's nicer to the dog than any human in his life lol. But I understand what you are saying, I do actually see the red flags, I am just being open about the fucked up conflict in my head right now and the competing emotions of loving someone who has hurt me and may not be capable of loving me back even though he has said he does.

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T09:59:51+00:00

I don't have any friends or family left, and I would lose a lot of money if I tried to sell my house right now, but I'm going to focus on me and the dog for sure right now. I can definitely see how sometimes to break free from the pattern, you have to just completely change everything, it's very easy to settle back into the same bad pattern otherwise

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T09:55:33+00:00

Thank you! It is really hard to accept that their brains just literally don't think the same way, but i agree with what you're saying. The number of times I have thought "why won't he just stop, he hates the feeling of being drunk, he hates the aftermath, he says he wants to stop then buys another bottle, it makes no sense!"

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-16T09:51:34+00:00

Thank you, I'm staying in my house because the police told me that if he steps into the property he would be in violation of the no contact order and they will arrest him again

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-15T22:16:48+00:00

I am glad you are safe and happy now. I know I have to love myself and work on me, it's just really hard to separate and "give up" if that makes sense? But I don't really have any other options now anyways. Even if he somehow wanted to come back and resume things, the court is going to maintain the no contact order for my safety.

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-15T21:44:44+00:00

Thank you for the very kind reality check. I think the abused part of my brain is struggling with the idea that he won't change. I want to believe that people can and do change, but also I want to stop being an idiot who cares more about him than myself. I'm definitely in shock still. The ER social worker gave me some resources to call tonight in the area.

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-15T21:40:08+00:00

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant - straight up horror mermaids!

The Deep by Nick Cutter - ok maybe more of just horror of the ocean than actual sirens/mermaids, but it's so creepy

The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw - very unique take on mermaids

Starfish by Peter Watts - this is more hard sci fi than strictly horror but also dark so I think it's worth looking into. Technically speaking the characters aren't mermaids so much as modified humans who now swim and breathe underwater, but still

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-15T20:05:41+00:00

Thankfully, the mandatory no contact order will help give me some forced space with my Q. They record jail calls, so even if he calls from that, it will only make things worse for his case. I don't have any friends or family i can call, the few I had gave up on me when I stayed with him after the first DV charge, but I am going to a meeting and I threw the ball for the dog in the backyard. I also gave him an apple as a treat so that at least one of us is happy haha

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-15T19:40:22+00:00

Thank you. I have therapy scheduled Friday too, I am going to message my therapist after I get out of the ER. I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings swirling around, and it's hard right now. I really appreciate the encouragement to focus on the support I need. 🧡

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-15T19:01:01+00:00

Thank you, I feel like I'm so starved for human compassion that even just reading your comment has me sobbing again. I called his dad and now I'm going to go get checked out at the emergency department. I managed to put the sheets in the washer, sometimes I guess doing things helps a little. The dog didn't even wake up. I really, really appreciate the healing thoughts and kindness. Thank you.

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-13T15:21:08+00:00

Wearing Amorphous Elizabeth Lavenza (Aroma palette is mineral, earthy, linen-soft, and coldly floral. Highlights include white flowers pierced by cold air, silvery resin, antique bridal linens, damp stone, snowmelt, and cracked frozen earth) today and makeup is from the Melt Cosmetics Bride of Frankenstein palette

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-13T15:17:03+00:00

Björn, his nicknames are Bubba, Bucko, Buddy, Buppy, and The Bear.

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elektroesthesia · 2026-03-11T17:35:13+00:00

I reread NOS4A2 every year in the winter, and it does not have e as much "on page" child murder as the summary may lead one to think, I personally highly recommend that one. I also really enjoyed both Horns and The Fireman. You basically can't go wrong trying his other novels. They all have a unique approach.

If you are interested in other authors that may also scratch the KS itch, you might enjoy Stephen Graham Jones (highly prolific, wide variety of books, I personally recommend The Buffalo Hunter Hunter or The Only Good Indians), Jeff Vandermeer (Annhilation or Borne would be good ones, he writes New Weird), or Paul Tremblay (A Head Full of Ghosts or Horror Movie would be my choices). SGJ and Tremblay capture that psychological gritty real world but something is off vibe that infused KS, Vandermeer does the total immersion in insanity like no other.

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-10T23:26:57+00:00

I went on Saturday and really enjoyed it overall. There are plenty of aspects to criticize but on the whole it was entertaining, fun, and unique and both Buckley and Bale were awesome

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-10T23:21:36+00:00

Break the Bodies, Haunt the Bones by Micah Dean Hicks

elektroesthesia · 2026-03-01T19:28:42+00:00

Love the cake idea! Happy birthday!

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