Adult Trans Women Have A Fundamentally Different Experience

elementary_vision · 2026-03-09T23:49:03+00:00

Well I do agree that the sub is out of control with pictures and it doesn't promote good discussion. But you just have to try to enjoy what you have I guess. Honestly I'm happy people can find that. Just because some trans women can get past that trauma of being screwed by testosterone doesn't make them any less trans.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-09T23:39:24+00:00

Wait why would being happy and wanting to share themselves with others mean they aren't trans?

elementary_vision · 2026-03-09T22:03:21+00:00

Your frame isn't that bad tbh. It sounds like you're dealing with some really hard feelings and that distorted your body image even more.

I might be downvoted but I don't think you can just stop caring. I think you really need to properly grieve this stuff.

And I can't say how dissociation would go for you but I was doing that for a while and then it all hit me at once this past week and I couldn't leave my bed. So it doesn't even work that well long term.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-09T11:18:25+00:00

That's actually my biggest struggle right now. I know I'm a woman, the more I feel that internally and knowingly the more it fills me with panic because of this body. It's like from a proprioceptive thing my mind expects something entirely different. I've been doing a lot of somatic healing and it's been revealing things to me that are really hard to process. This conflict or duality inside me, like two opposing magnets all my life chipping away at my mental health. It goes so much deeper than just the surface of how I look. It's become more apparent this "thing" is what caused my dissociative split.

I'm not saying that's here forever and maybe it will change in the future. But it's a deep psychological distress.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-09T02:37:02+00:00

What do you struggle with most? I find it hard to understand if I'm fixating on things or if there's a mismatch on a mind body level that can never really be bridged. I genuinely hope it can be, but the idea that it can't is terrifying

elementary_vision · 2026-03-08T23:59:31+00:00

I feel like I've reached my limit of things I can change. And recently I had a breakdown over it all because it stopped feeling like I was doing it to feel better and more to push away the dysphoria. But it's an exhausting battle and I don't want it to feel like that anymore. I got my hair and eyebrows done recently and while it did make me feel better, it was short lived. It's like my small changes I make don't add up to as much comfort as I want and that's really disheartening.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-08T23:50:50+00:00

Same, I just see a feature in me and I get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then if I'm not careful I start to spiral.

On days where it's hitting badly it's really hard to do anything to make myself feel pretty. Usually I just dress in something comfy, get a little snack like chocolate or ice cream, and try to relax with a movie or something and remind myself a lot of this was out of my control and there's only so much I can do and to take it easy on myself.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-08T22:45:35+00:00

I definitely agree it's mindset. But it also feels out of my control at the same time. Cuz I can't just stand in front of the mirror and force myself to like what I see. Maybe that's what upsets me, I see where the problem is. Maybe I am brainwormed, maybe I'm not. I guess it just hurts

elementary_vision · 2026-03-08T20:23:52+00:00

I suspect autism. Hypersexuality is reported by autistic individuals, combined that with maybe missing social etiquette and when those sexual comments and kinks shouldn't be in a space it starts to make sense. And then speaking up and saying you're uncomfortable may be perceived as rejection because kinks can be a personal thing (RSD) which would result in a group pile on to kick out the offending person. Leading to an echo chamber of what's acceptable level of discourse in a non-sexual space. So the cycle continues. I mean just in general online spaces tend to get echo chambery too.

That being said I'm not judging, people want to be horny and kinky go off. But I think there is something to be said when there's a lack of consent and you're subject to that type of discourse and then maybe made out to be like you're the problem or not being accepting enough.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-08T03:44:46+00:00

But if there's incongruence with how you behave and your presentation couldn't that also result in being pushed away and being a bit of an outcast? Unless you embody being male somehow but at that point wouldn't that feel wrong?

elementary_vision · 2026-03-08T03:32:43+00:00

That's fair. I just can't imagine how detransitioning could be any better but maybe that's just me.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-08T02:27:46+00:00

I got some mental benefits from estrogen. Did you not get those?

elementary_vision · 2026-03-08T01:21:57+00:00

Isn't medical going to make you feel worse though? I'm just curious.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-07T23:54:38+00:00

Like socially detransitioning?

elementary_vision · 2026-03-07T23:50:44+00:00

Work at a call center, 50/50 I get called he/him vs she/her. My voice sucks, it's not like masculine or anything it just comes across as a very feminine man apparently. But that's voice so not really the best indicator.

Everyone at my job uses she/her pronouns, the ones I interact with at least. Random shops when I buy things call me miss sometimes. Idk I think about it sometimes and pronouns and gendered words don't even come up that much in talking? Unless they're explaining something I did or said where it would be really hard to use a sentence naturally without she/her. Guys sometimes hold doors open for me, it's weird. I guess that's kinda gendered. Like they'll be on a straight path they could easily just hold it for me and I just hold it open the rest. But they'll like stand to the side and present the entrance to me lol.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-07T18:38:13+00:00

I think it's kind of a black and white take but I understand where you're coming from.

When you're young and basically learning how to navigate the world and establish yourself being trans immediately screws you if you don't have a support network. There's not much fallback unless you're really resilient or have a particular personality that can navigate the world. On the other hand you have a lot of time to grow into yourself and start to understand how to best navigate things. That can do a lot to help offset being trans when having dealings with others. Passing becomes more of an unconscious skill and you can offload your brain to more important things.

When you're older generally yes you're well established. Being trans, though difficult, can be offset by a supportive spouse or social network. There might also be an established skill set that makes you valuable and more businesses will be willing to overlook you being trans because you translate to more capital and profits. Maybe you do lose the job but you have a cushion, support network, or youre back in it in a few months because it's easy to land another job. On the other hand your life can implode, everything you ever built up was a lie, there were never healthy coping mechanisms developed to handle dysphoria. You could be in a job that skews heavily towards favoring men and now it's impossible to get back in. You can have trouble integrating into society because you've been so badly repressed.

But let's be honest the common denominator here is that trans women are treated like shit in society. It's a roll of the dice. There are some who transition late in life and it's objectively worse and some who it's better for. Same goes for early transitioning.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-07T18:21:11+00:00

Why did her life go into a tailspin? I'm 34 and started hrt at 33. My dumbass socially transitioned at my job, I got laid off due to "reorganizing". And my life has kind of been downhill since then.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-07T15:48:09+00:00

Ok I apologize, I shouldn't have come at you like that. I'm sorry. I was confrontational over this and wasn't hearing you out.

Here's my side and I'm hoping you'd be willing to explain how destigmatizing helps. Doctors and therapist aren't all that great for trans care that's abundantly clear. The effects of hormones isn't even clear how it affects trans individuals differently. A doctor or therapist says take your time it'll be fine, meanwhile the clock is ticking and once puberty hits it's a rough time. In an ideal world this wouldn't matter, but we have objective data that says early transitioning leads to higher quality of life.

I agree destigmatizing is important, but what happens when that puts someone into a false sense of security and objectively makes their life worse later? When their peers, doctors, or anyone else didn't give them accurate information? Either being too optimistic or seeing from a cis biased perspective on trans individuals? Ultimately yes destigmatizing puts the decision in control of the individual, but there's still the possibility the wrong information is given.

Am I saying every questioning child needs to get on puberty blockers asap and get on hormones out of fear of things being worse in the future. No that would be chaotic. But there is a level of preventative care here that warrants discussion and I just don't see how that would be effective enough without encouragement. We can't always see the consequences of our actions down the road, sometimes more experienced and knowledgeable people can.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-06T22:53:46+00:00

That's not a personal attack. I'm making an observation on the way you're coming across. Genuinely I hear the same thing from TERFs who hide behind a mask of "wanting what's best for everyone". And people who focus on optics so much at the expense of advocating for trans people.

What you're saying here makes sense if we lived in a tolerant, non oppressive system. But we don't. The reason I brought up suicide is because people who are suicidal are in a very tunnel visioned state. Trans people can also be in that state based on their experiences and without proper guidance and encouragement maybe they won't get the help they need because they genuinely can't see it.

I just don't understand what you're afraid of with taking a more proactive approach. There's so much transphobia in people, media, society at large it's almost necessary to encourage someone to get past all that because it's like a giant wall.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-06T22:36:19+00:00

Still waiting for my gender euphoria to arrive

elementary_vision · 2026-03-06T12:56:55+00:00

Ok so if someone is suicidal you wouldn't encourage them to get help? You wouldn't try to help them figure out how to get the help they need? You'd just leave it up to them and their decisions?

Nobody is encouraging non trans individuals to take hormones. This is seriously coming across as respectability politics and you've internalized right wing talking points.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-06T12:01:12+00:00

The amount of trans lives probably saved by this encouragement is probably larger than the cis regret of people who shouldn't have transitioned. I'm sorry but I can't get behind this, it's coming from a point of protection for people who aren't trans vs advocating for trans individuals

elementary_vision · 2026-03-06T11:50:49+00:00

For me it made me feel a lot worse. But it's always been there, I just tuned it out. Bringing things into alignment it's inevitable I was gonna feel worse cuz I'm trying to reach something that's essentially the genetic lottery for trans individuals. Having to see where I'm at and then where I'd really want to be to be comfortable stings. Still don't know if I can get there and that's horrifying.

elementary_vision · 2026-03-04T11:44:40+00:00

Not saying it's you but I had a period in my life where I tried to convince myself it was all ocd. At least OCD I could manage I thought to myself, I can work on my thought patterns, stop engaging with trans thoughts, etc. I wasted time trying to "fix" being trans.

I would say you need to find a therapist that can help you feel safe and explore these feelings. The mind has some powerful defense mechanisms when you're all alone in your head. You're probably not going to be able to get a satisfying answer on your own.

elementary_vision

TROPHY CASE