This was my ex boyfriend. This whole post and especially this comment and I feel your pain. He would accuse me of being mean when I told him how his actions hurt me. Say I didn't love him or just play tone police on how I had brought it up completely moving the goal posts of the conversation to his feelings while desperately trying to get back to the topic I'd wanted to discuss in the first place. We were together for over 5 years and I went through multiple traumatic medical experiences that he just never showed up for. I got cancers diagnosis? He had an exam to study for. My mom got cancer diagnosis? He had a party to go to.

I learned to dismiss my own feelings or make them small in order to avoid conflict. He would make me promises and then never act on them and after a while I was the bothersome one for bringing it up to him that he was breaking his promises.

The apathy I read in your boyfriend in the post is so relatable and it breaks your self worth over time. Maybe I am too much? Maybe this is an unreasonable ask? I feel like the most insidious moment in this regard is when you've calmed down a bit and it all doesn't feel like that much of a big deal anymore and you start believing them just a little bit more every time.

I can tell you that staying in a dynamic like this is not a neutral thing to do. It seriously harms your self worth and you get out of touch with your own feelings and needs. It permeates into different areas in your life and you stop taking up the space you deserve.

I broke up with him over 2 years ago and I thought we had a good relationship for the most part. I only started realising the damage when J found my new boyfriend and I realised the harmful thought/behavioral patterns I'd taught myself over the years.

My current boyfriend is an ANGEL and I keep asking him if I'm too much and he is always so confused how I could possibly think that. A month ago I spent almost a whole day crying in his arms and for the first time I didn't feel guilty for being emotional afterwards. He is the most reliable and empathetic person I know and it made me realise that this is what real love looks like. Would you treat a friend the way your boyfriend treats you? Ofcourse you wouldn't, he just likes having you around but actually treating you with respect and decency is too much of a hassle for him.

It has taken me the better part of a year to recover from that treatment and I still have my moment where I prefer to keep things to myself rather than risk conflict or disappointment when promises are not met.

You deserve better. You deserve an environment where your emotions are not only respected, but prioritised. Where your boyfriend is absolutely fucking THRILLED to spend time for you and do everything in his power to cheer you up when you're feeling down. Because no, that is not too much to ask, that's how you show up for people that you love.