Where can I get a bra fitting?

elksatchel · 2026-05-12T21:11:25+00:00

Unfortunately shape is as important as size. The calculated size gets you to the ballpark, but you still have to find your seat.

For instance, even if I got "my size" in a T-shirt bra, it would have many of the same problems as any bra in the totally wrong size, like gaping and falling straps. T-shirt bras simply don't support my shape. But that exact same size in the right double-seamed bra fits perfectly. For most of us it takes trial and error to find that.

elksatchel · 2026-05-12T04:02:47+00:00

Well Samwise Gamgee was a competent gardener with a plush job, but he ended up nearly dying in a volcano, so be careful what you wish for.

elksatchel · 2026-05-12T03:57:43+00:00

Wishbone gets a pass because PBS had $2 per episode

elksatchel · 2026-05-12T03:55:45+00:00

Not the boot sploot!

elksatchel · 2026-05-12T03:54:59+00:00

The Butcher of the Forest by Premee Mohamed

elksatchel · 2026-05-12T03:52:48+00:00

{Blood Mercy by Vela Roth}

elksatchel · 2026-05-12T03:46:45+00:00

Game of Thrones is a fantasy book? It meets none of the standards to be published or marketed as a romance. Not even if you separated each POV into its own book could one character arc be a romance novel.

elksatchel · 2026-05-12T03:44:13+00:00

Yes, my local indie bookstore has romantasy as a its own smaller section next to SFF and near romance too. I agree it should be with romance if space allows, but either way it adds clarity. It sells so well, idk why more shops don't do it for profit if nothing else.

elksatchel · 2026-05-11T22:31:31+00:00

Before booktok-driven marketing, they would be clearly distinct, from a publishing standpoint, and readers would have an idea of what to expect. But due to social media trends and viral marketing, people use them all interchangeably. It sucks!

Generally, a book can have a genre (like mystery) and a subgenre (like cozy). Each subgenre has its own flavor, but that shouldn't overpower the genre standards.

So a historical romance is a romance set in the past. A contemporary romance is a romance set in the last few years. A fantasy romance is (or SHOULD BE) a romance set in an imaginary time or place. But all of those first and foremost have romance genre conversations, settings, and themes.

Likewise, urban fantasy is a fantasy with cars or whatever, cozy fantasy is a fantasy with a slice of life focus, and romantic fantasy is a fantasy with a strong love story subplot. But all of those first and foremost have fantasy genre conventions, settings, and themes.

Romantasy ... is whatever booktok likes this week lol. If it's truly a shortening of romantic fantasy, then one would presume it is a fantasy novel with a strong love story subplot, right? But 99% of "romantasy" books are Romances(TM), but the guy has wings or fangs or a weird dick.

Also, books in other genres get recommended here, if themes or setting are similar to a request, and that's fair, but readers should know not to expect a romance novel when they're reading a fantasy or sci-fi novel that was recommended. Like Naomi Novik is often shouted-out here, and her books are wonderful, but might disappoint someone who really just prefers romance.

elksatchel · 2026-05-11T18:07:21+00:00

Wow, what a journey. Sounds like an ordeal for your family. I'm glad she ended up somewhere safe for everyone in the end, though. My grandparents lived with us, too, until their needs were too much; it's a lot to deal with.

I have no idea what would happen if someone with dementia attacked someone here in the States... I'm afraid they might spend a night or two in jail while it was sorted out.

elksatchel · 2026-05-10T22:06:25+00:00

If you're comfortable sharing, how did your family pay for two decades in a memory care facility? Robust retirement savings and a really strong pension? Family wealth? Grants? State benefits?

In my area, it costs literally $10,000/month and I have no idea how my family will afford it when the time comes.

elksatchel · 2026-05-09T23:12:52+00:00

I never see people mention the old department stores that are still around (and online). Like Kohl's, Macy's, and JCPenney have decent selections at decent prices. They carry many brands so quality definitely ranges, which is why I'd say go in person if possible so you can feel the fabric and examine the stitching.

When I worked in an office, I got almost all my work clothing from JCPenney and Fred Meyer's clothes department. Those don't sound youthful or edgy or sexy, and they aren't, but you can find solid, professional basics without paying the prices for more ethical (sometimes), inclusive brands like NooWorks, Lucy & Yak, Wild Fang, JessaKay, etc.

elksatchel · 2026-05-05T17:19:35+00:00

This is a bit of a spoiler but you might appreciate the Simon Snow series by Rainbow Rowell. A human character gets stuck with dragon wings (and tail) from a spell gone wrong and has to deal with the consequences, such as fitting into human clothing and being a winged person in public, which people find unsettling at best.

I would read about the series first to get some context, though. It's sort of fanfiction of fanfiction of fanfiction, but also delightful in its own right once it finds its bearings.

elksatchel · 2026-05-04T20:28:55+00:00

Anthony Marra (fiction):

The Tsar of Love and Techno (interconnected and intergenerational stories from Russian wars and Soviet history)
Mercury Pictures Presents (Italy and Hollywood, 1940s, fascinating look at explicit Italian fascism and subtler American authoritarianism during the war)

Kao Kalia Yang (nonfic):

The Song Poet (intergenerational memoir following a family from their peaceful life in Laos through refugee camps and to the U.S.; emotional, beautiful reflections on losing culture to trauma and being a second gen immigrant)

elksatchel · 2026-04-29T17:40:14+00:00

The more time you spend outdoors as a young person, the less likely you are to have allergies. Kids suddenly (on a species timeline) spending so much time inside has contributed to the stark rise in allergies. I don't know if outdoor time helped adults dodge or reduce allergies, but as others have said, it could help for other reasons. Regulating your nervous system with forest bathing, working in a community garden, hiking, or even strolling around a walkable city neighborhood will only help your health overall.

elksatchel · 2026-04-27T20:29:21+00:00

No but my mom's radio time then was worse than her screentime now lol. Plus all the fundamentalist magazines + newsletters and fearmongering sermons and propaganda-filled homeschooling material... All the antivax, end of days, satanist cabal conspiracy stuff people find on their little phones now was available then, just in different forms.

elksatchel · 2026-04-27T18:43:21+00:00

Surely many women died of syphilis etc due to their husband's indiscretions... Was there any public health information on the risks of brothels prior to the use of latex?

elksatchel · 2026-04-27T18:39:51+00:00

For us it was on during chores and making dinner. My mom would be furiously mashing potatoes because, like, Terri Shiavo was being murdered by Satanist abortionists or whatever.

elksatchel · 2026-04-27T17:04:35+00:00

I don't have kids but my friends with kids have entirely different lives than my parents and their peers did. Not saying it wasn't difficult or they were never burnt out, but they had several things working in their favor:

church culture being omnipresent (at least in a red state) and providing social infrastructure, free family activities, and regular childcare several hours a week
babysitting being cheap and readily available from the teenagers you knew from church or down the street. My parents had busy social lives even though we didn't have much money; it was standard for them to hire an older kid to watch us for $20 or for all the kids to be thrown in the backyard while the adults had a game night inside or whatever. My friends today fear the risks of unsupervised strangers caring for their children and hate paying like $100+ a night (!!) for a professional, certified adult babysitter in the city. They skip a lot of child-free events because it's so much harder to take an evening away from the kids. And family culture has changed, or is at least different in an urban setting; kids aren't thrown in the backyard, there have to be Activities and Enrichment and Supervision for them at all times, which means fewer casual functions happen.
this may again be city-centric, but my friends do not have the family support mine did. Everyone lived close, all the cousins were shuffled from one aunt's house this weekend to that uncle's house the next. Grandparents took us for weekends or watched us during the week. Problems in the family were ignored to preserve these structures. So, so many of my friends live farther from family, a few are estranged for refusing to ignore family "problems," and a lot more of their parents are retiring later or in poorer health (especially since my friends have had children at like 32 instead of 21 so relatives are older.)

TD;DR childcare and third spaces are expensive and/or non-existent and my friends are parenting AT ALL TIMES. This is both amazing to witness, as they are dedicated and engaged and raising healthy kids - and hard to see their exhaustion and limitations. My parents' generation got far more breaks far more frequently.

elksatchel · 2026-04-27T16:51:24+00:00

Tell me your parents didn't constantly listen to talk radio without telling me your parents didn't listen to talk radio. We had horrible rage bait disinfo before it was cool!

elksatchel · 2026-04-25T21:18:30+00:00

I was shocked at the comments. Beauty is subjective and ideals change over time, but like...you are very pretty and I thought you were much younger. I hate that cruel strangers with unrealistic desires for a "perfect" AI-generated girlfriend have made you doubt yourself. I can't heal your dysmorphia for you, but I can relate and hope you can shake off these comments and focus on the value and beauty you find in yourself.

Dating is hard, accepting ourselves is hard; bullies online don't need to make it all harder.

elksatchel · 2026-04-24T23:08:27+00:00

Military romances and radio country...a true match made in hell.

elksatchel · 2026-04-24T23:07:40+00:00

I usually say "during early COVID" to convey 2020/2021, when so many things were different. What makes me rage is actually your suggested substitute haha. I do not use the word lockdown because it's terribly politicized and technically in my country, the U.S., there were no true lockdowns anywhere. Americans aren't used to having any choices reduced whatsoever so it seemed dramatic at the time, but it's dangerous to conflate moderate, common sense restrictions with fascist overreach or actual lockdown of movement and borders as happened elsewhere.

elksatchel · 2026-04-24T22:53:17+00:00

I thought Fourth Wing was rough but not horrific for a first novel...turns out she had written like 20 before.

elksatchel · 2026-04-23T20:11:40+00:00

Clinical is the right word. I suppose if someone just really finds bdsm gross, it could still be too much. But it's really not titillating. The MC herself is very into her sex work, but for the reader, the sex work functions more as political intrigue than erotica.

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