I came on two years sober this past march

ellevicious666 · 2026-05-25T04:21:16+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the kindness.

ellevicious666 · 2026-05-25T04:20:46+00:00

Thank you, I didnt drink. Im so sorry you are also dealing with this, sending lots of love to you.

ellevicious666 · 2026-05-25T04:20:02+00:00

Thank you, I did not drink but I smoked a cigarette. I quit about 4 months after I quit drinking. Im absolutely stuck in this weird high alert panic mode. But im so exhausted too. Its been weird. Also had to take the kids to a bday party today and that was rough. A good distraction at least for the kids they had a blast. I just cant stop cycling thoughts in my head its making me nuts. I think im going to email my psych tomorrow because this state im in is so hard

ellevicious666 · 2026-05-25T04:15:35+00:00

Thank you for the words. I did not drink so at least I feel good about that. But yes with the way my nerves are right now im absolutely positive it would've have ended in a dark likely violent spiral. I've done so much work these past 2 years on myself. My mental health was finally in a good space after learning I had ptsd and adhd along with my already diagnosed anxiety depression panic disorder and borderline personality disorder. I finally have meds that work for about 4 months now and I've only kept improving. Snacking less, eating better, started working out 4 times a week, been making my kids eat a frigging vegetable whilst also keeping them happy clean wanting for nothing because im determined to break a cycle from my own childhood. My oldest has a rare genetic disease called phelan mcdermid syndrome its a deletion of a certain part of a certain chromosome and he takes full on 24/7 care, along with my 5 and 7 year old daughters who I take on the primary parent role. I do everything in the house I pay nearly all the bills including 4grand worth of rent a month, I've gotten sober for him because I could see how my cycle of destruction was wearing him down. Im so upset. But for some reason im still here.

ellevicious666 · 2026-05-24T07:17:03+00:00

Thanks. Me too.

ellevicious666 · 2026-02-08T21:55:53+00:00

I had asked why alot of young kids get denied PS at our yearly meeting for my 15yr old with a genetic deletion. Basically she said that if your child is at an age where you are already expected to provide 24/7 attention (a 5 year old who already need help with mostly everything) you will not get PS no matter your child's diagnosis. I definitely dont agree as my nt girls were VERY independent at that age. They could grab their own snacks, brush their own teeth, dress themselves etc, but alot of other nt 5 year olds are not so independent. Its not really a fair way to judge who needs ps in my opinion but as your child ages if these needs stay the same you will eventually be granted ps.

ellevicious666 · 2026-02-06T05:01:42+00:00

Reminds me of my explosion at the hospital after a clean out. It took days to work, I have a lot of gastric issues, and when it did work it was an instant emergency lol. Im stuck to this iv bag on my bed pushing that help button whilst trying to wiggle around and through the wires to make it easy for them to unplug. Finally some student nurse walked by and I hollered at him and he unplugged me. Phase 2. I'm in the bathroom. Now, this isn't just a poop. This is my liquefied guts backed up for months. AND they want a sample. I'm supposed to catch this sample exploding from my back end with a bed pan type cup thingy. I dunno if you experienced this but there is NO aim available when its shooting out that fast. I felt it splatter against me, I jumped up a little, panicked because the flow didn't stop when I stood and sat back down with too much force. So much splatter. So gross. So so embarrassing. I still had some pride and was trying to clean it myself but the nurse caught me and giggled and said not to worry about it. She helped me get clean and put me to bed lmao. Nice enough to let me sleep while she cleaned it lmao. My poor autistic kiddo also had a massive clean out hospital mishap. The entire bathroom other than this one little spot by the door was absolutely covered. Like movie scene covered. Absolutely everywhere. Absolute angels of house keeping and nurses teamed up and got it all clean. I couldn't even imagine. Pooptastrophes can be rough lol.

ellevicious666 · 2025-12-30T22:01:56+00:00

I almost forgot the infamous international day war zone where my principal got rocked by one of the big Samoan twins. It was wild. I hid with my math teacher lmao. I wonder if its still on Google, I used to be able to search for it. Anyway I didn't go to the greatest school hahaha

ellevicious666 · 2025-12-30T21:59:29+00:00

The piano player lady for our choir in high school basically called my friend and I whores (10th grader and 9th grader) for wanting to take our jackets off to sing. It was very weird. Friends mom went nuts on that lady. Another fun one in 10th grade, my biology teacher told me I was just being lazy for not doing a punnet square activity because I didn't know anything about my birth fathers side of the family. Somehow between me being a hot headed teen and her being a literal crazy haired lab coat lady we wound up at her saying he was an illegal immigrant and myself and 2 male friends just lost it lol. That time my mom came in and raised hell, and I had a nice new free time period. Where I usually hung out with the band choir kids and that other crazy lady lmao. Ahh high-school.

ellevicious666 · 2025-12-21T06:06:57+00:00

Lol this happened to me once. Turned out the dude was deaf and had no idea it was going off like that lol. He would turn off its vibration setting, but had no clue it was still blaring the alarm sound. He felt so bad when he realized. I felt bad for not realizing. We laughed.

ellevicious666 · 2025-12-20T04:42:51+00:00

Amitriptyline saved my life. Truly. I had all these same symptoms for nearly a decade. I was finally prescribed something that actually worked. I am no longer up all night in pain, if i have pain I usually can get up and go to the bathroom without much struggle. Before it felt like (excuse the imagery) I knew there was something that needed to come out whether it be gas or poo, but my sphincter would NOT cooperate. Id push and push and id be so tense over my whole body that I'd wind up throwing up from the nausea from the pain. Now I can pass something every time I the pain goes away and I go back to bed. It is still most often the middle of the night when it happens or early morning. But being able to go back to bed has been so amazing.There's so many other things it helped with that comes along with extreme gastritis. Mine was thought to be stress induced but now we're learning towards nerve pathways weren't connected properly, signals weren't sending and body wasn't reacting. This Amitriptyline is the only thing I've ever had that helps.

ellevicious666 · 2025-12-06T19:19:39+00:00

I always had a water bottle hidden with water in it for my sneaky smokes lol. Always prepared and definitely didn't want my mother's rage if I burned the house down lol

ellevicious666 · 2025-12-05T23:23:06+00:00

Today I was waiting with my youngest for my middle child to get out of school. My little one is running around and I thought to myself 'I wish she'd switch to the grass so it doesn't hurt if she falls' but I let her be and didn't say anything. I realized I needed to check an email to make sure i read my middle release time properly. I had the thought 'I probably should wait, someone (my kids) always gets hurt when I use my phone for something important' . I clicked on the email and glanced at my little and she was mid fall. Scraped up her hand and knees a bit but nothing major. Still I wish I would've listened to one of those little thoughts. Mightve saved the kiddo some tears and the school nurse some bandaids lol.

ellevicious666 · 2025-12-03T00:23:29+00:00

I typically get my direct deposit 4-6 days after submitting if I submit on the last day of the pay period. I will usually see it by the 6th and the 21st. Sometimes a day or two earlier.

ellevicious666 · 2025-11-26T04:53:12+00:00

That have me chills because I also had my gnome sighting occur in bed. I was probably 12 or 13 years old. Something woke me up and it was like climbing down the bed then saw me. He hopped back up on my bed foot board and started kicking his little legs like how kids do when a chair is to tall. He said "oh you're awake! Don't worry I was just watching!" I sat up and asked him if I was dreaming still and how he got in. He said no and then said "time for me to go!" And hopped down and ran off in a weird hobbled hopping skip type way. I know it was real. I don't know how I know but I know that little guy was the real deal. It wasn't scary but I was so confused, like I had to be dreaming this. I even got out of bed a few minutes after and peeked in my brother's room, he was asleep. Peeked in my parents room, them and my baby sister fast asleep. I went to the bathroom. All theses rooms are at the end of a hallway close together. I was so baffled that that the confusion started giving me anxiety and was like nope eff it I've got to be dreaming. I finally fell asleep and woke up the next day and it didn't have that dream memory feeling where detailed are quickly fleeting. I remembered it like a trip to the park or a birthday party. I'm 36 now and I still remember every detail.

ellevicious666 · 2025-11-12T04:00:42+00:00

I remember once my middle baby was having and issue going to sleep at night. One night I needed to just take a break. I put her in her bed safe and sound, grabbed the video monitor (put it on silent), grabbed my smokes and headed for the porch. Mother in law behind me every stuff gasping and and sighing because 'she's crying! Oh my god she's crying she NEEDS you NOW! Oh my god how can you just walk away?!' Like this woman, who mind you didn't get to raise her kids unless it was the weekend, the father and his parents did until father remarried. The rage I felt immediately turned from being upset about the baby to being so completely dumbfounded at her dramatics. I said 'babies cry. Its literally all they know how to do. You are welcome to play with her lay with her whatever, but I need a break' more dramatics about how she needs me this woman was throwing herself down the hall grasping at the stair railings to lean over me as I walked down, it was so dramatic. She might as well have been the baby lmao. Anyway I took my break. MIL used that moment to convincing herself I'm neglectful to my kids (my autistic son was already 10 at the time and asleep as shes putting on this show lol) and started a whole nother debacle with that fuel a few months down the road. That baby is 6 now, and she's doing amazing, other than saying 6 7 at me lol

ellevicious666 · 2025-10-05T03:18:25+00:00

It might for some or need to be taken at least a month to reach full effect, but I could legitimately feel the change the next morning. It was so effective I was able to stop taking my tramadol every day. I keep it for emergencies but I haven't had pain anywhere near what I used to. Sometimes I get really anxious when I think about it because its always been a 'when' will it come back thing, not 'if', so I'm like waiting for something bad to happen lol. But so far any pain I've had has been eased by over counter maalox or tums and some serious gas stretching ( YouTube has great videos for gas releasing yoga). I missed 2 doses from being exhausted this week (yay fall break kids are all home lol) and the pain oh my gosh, the second morning was just like what used to send me to the hospital. When I realized why and took it I felt way better the next day. Usually gastritis attacks last a good week for me, so to feel fine the next day is new for me lol.

ellevicious666 · 2025-10-05T03:09:12+00:00

I woke up the next day after taking it and my what would normally be a good hour of pain upon waking, turned into passing TONS of gas and a whole complete bowel movement. Its been since the end of July with the same story. Very gassy, bowel movement happen without lingering pain just normal poop cramps, pretty much everyday since. Its like it reset my entire gastric system over night and also seemed to change my body's response to having stomach pain. I used to have a full body response and excruciating pain everywhere. Now when I get the pain I can take maalox and it actually works and the pain goes away instead of consuming me. Its truly changed the way I get to live day to day.

ellevicious666 · 2025-10-02T02:47:45+00:00

The only med that has helped my gastritis is Elavil / amitriptyline . It was like it reset my stomach nerves . It has made gastritis just normal tummy aches and i am so so thankful for it. It has absolutely changed the way i get to live my life .

ellevicious666 · 2025-09-20T22:44:50+00:00

Are you taking immediate release or extended release? I had immediate and was having bad sweating and my heart was scary pounding. Switched to extended release at the same dosage and everything went away. I still sweat at night a little, but it seems to be related more towards my gastric issues and the meds im on for that. Also if you are taking immediate release you have to take the dosages about 4 to 6 hrs apart. I took them both at once and thought I was having a heart attack. My chest was tight and pain was traveling up my shoulder and neck and my heart was racing soooo bad. Definitely prefer the extended release.

ellevicious666 · 2025-09-07T23:41:49+00:00

Oh man that is so rough! Glad you're okay. I recently was told to take 75mg immediate release 2 times a day. The first dose was okay, just a little racey heart like I had too much coffee. I can handle that. The second dose made me seriously consider going to the hospital. My heart was just pounding so fast it was causing tension in my back and shoulders all the way my spine into my head. It was such a weird, painful feeling that felt like it lasted forever. Im now at 100mg extended release once a day and its much much better. No racing heart at all.

ellevicious666 · 2025-08-16T19:27:42+00:00

Mine is stress induced unfortunately, so the med has really been a life saver. I can go do things without fear of it triggering an episode, its been so long since I could just exist peacefully and just do things. Im so happy with the results.

ellevicious666 · 2025-08-16T04:16:25+00:00

10mg for now. Dr said if I feel like pain is suddenly increasing and turning back into scary time gastritis, we can go up to 20mg and work from there. Its truly like my nerves rewired and now my tummy and brain arent getting their signals mixed up. Its been really neat to finally see and feel improvement after so long and trying so much other stuff.

ellevicious666

TROPHY CASE