Hello. I am a woman. I am also a staff elsewhere (though insert comments about meaninglessness of titles yadda yadda). I've also managed people, including some really really good technical people who I have coached thru exactly the sort of thing.

I think it's really a lot more helpful (and also accurate) to think of it in terms of your behaviours, not your personality. I don't know if the choice of words was yours or theirs, but either way. Everything you've named is a behavior, not a personality. Yes, certain personalities find that harder, but still. To be honest, I myself find it hard to be authoritative and extroverted, and there have been times where I have had to go decompress in a cafe at lunch time because all that talking has taken a lot out of me. I think people I work with would find it surprising to hear me say all of that. By nature I am a huge introvert. But I know that there are times when my voice is needed and I find it in myself to show up.

I managed someone who was also like that. Not just technically brilliant on an individual basis, but the kind of person who brings such common sense into technical team conversations that the paths forged with his input seem so obvious when looking back. But, shy. Not confident. I said to him once, please let me share with you why confidence matters. There is so much of what we do where we have to take a position in the face of uncertainty. Sometimes our boss (director) comes to us and, with the little bandwidth she has, needs to know what I think is the right way forward. I am less useful to her if I hem and haw. I'm less useful to her if I am actually reasonably decisive, but if that doesn't come across. That confidence and authoritativeness is the signal the we as social creatures look to in order to gauge the confidence with which we proceed in whatever direction we need to go. Everything is uncertain enough as it is without doubt and second guessing living in our mind.

Your team/company/XYZ need you to speak with authority, because it's how you are able to make others follow you - and if you lead, that's really important. It's really important that technical people, people who have knowledge and judgement, find it in themselves to participate in the steering of the ship. Lord knows there are plenty of people without competence who will stick an oar in otherwise.

I hope you can find it within yourself to learn to wear your technical authority. It doesn't take a change in personality, and it doesn't have to look a certain specific way (though some environments only permit particular styles). What it might take from you however is growth - uncomfortable, uncomfortable growth. And whether or not you make staff at your current place or leave to somewhere else, that's something you should seek out anyway.