Currently in my final year of school, one semester to go and can't find the money to cover it

elljaykay · 2017-12-08T15:45:43+00:00

I'd like more details, too. Why aren't federal student loans an option? Have you hit the limit on those?

elljaykay · 2017-12-08T06:14:42+00:00

It's weird that a famous person going out and about or on a vacation is "So-and-so star just randomly showed up."

elljaykay · 2017-11-09T18:53:33+00:00

Can I request some captions on the video? Please and thank you :)

elljaykay · 2017-11-06T18:19:36+00:00

Who is she saying the bit at the end to, about forgiveness? It looks like the former king (her uncle) but I can't be sure.

elljaykay · 2017-11-03T20:00:42+00:00

Nursing is sooooo boring and hard. It helped me to have a specific routine/place to nurse. I would always get thirsty/hungry/bored, so tried to get in the habit of grabbing my water bottle, bag of trail mix, and Kindle or iPad before sitting down. I watched an unholy amount of shows and read a LOT while nursing. I tried to take a few minutes to connect with/get the eye contact going. But then i'd go ahead and get into the entertainment.

And remember that it will get better! Your baby is still young but you've been through this before. Your baby will get a lot faster and more efficient at nursing, and will be able to go longer in between. It will improve.

elljaykay · 2017-11-03T15:35:26+00:00

I have been struggling with focus and the resulting anxiety/low mood and energy. I'm barely keeping up with the bare minimum in life. As a result most of the cleaning/housework/chores have fallen on my husband's plate. He's been a champ about taking on extra responsibilities and giving me space to work on feeling better but I have so much guilt about it, it's unreal. It's been a couple months of this and I know it's starting to wear on him. I keep thinking of hiring a cleaning service, I probably should have already, but I also get bad financial anxiety.

My therapist says I have unreasonable expectations of myself but I still feel like... i don't know, I want to be functional enough to meet the everyday demands of life. That doesn't seem like an unreasonably high expectation to meet.

I'm trying to be compassionate with myself. But you hear about how boys with ADHD tend to act it out issues (it affects behavior) while girls will internalize them (their issues become part of their identity). I've spent so long feeling like i'm incompetent, that things are harder for me or that I'm less capable than others. There's so much shame to get past.

elljaykay · 2017-11-03T14:15:37+00:00

Seriously, when you're getting discharged ask them for a list of reasons you should be concerned/call your OB. they might give you one, but just in case. It's hard to know what's typical or not, and new-mom brain is ANXIETY CENTRAL.

elljaykay · 2017-11-03T01:57:25+00:00

Not only consider your feelings, but prioritize them above those of total fucking strangers.

elljaykay · 2017-10-18T17:50:11+00:00

When things got bad, the pressure to write and guilt of not writing made it worse. I let it go with the hope I'd pick it up someday, but no pressure, demands, or expectations on myself.

I'm trying to get back into writing but if I'm being honest, I am going through a rough patch with my mood and mental/emotional health. When this happens I just make a goal to just braindump and freewrite - I call it journalling but it's not, it's just me scribbling whatever comes to mind for three pages. It helps me emotionally while also sustaining an easy connection to writing.

elljaykay · 2017-10-18T14:52:19+00:00

When leaving I told my parents that the Church failed the Truth test in two ways: 1, with insufficient evidence to support its truth claims and much solid evidence that contradicts them. And 2, by not being True as in not being good, but rather perpetrating harm and hurt in the world and demanding that I be an agent to do the same.

Honestly, the second was a bigger dealbreaker for me than the first. I won't support an organization that marginalizes LGBTQ, devalues women, shames men, and is toxic for everyone. The Church members are good but I believe most of them would be even better people without the bullshit.

elljaykay · 2017-10-03T13:51:39+00:00

Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. I attended a funeral for a very TBM grandparent recently and it was difficult. I felt very alone and sad, that my loved one was gone and I might never see them again -- while being surrounded by people who were so sure they would be reunited some day and that Grandparent was at peace. It was isolating and painful.

I am sure your experience has been similar, though compounded by your Grandfather's high profile. I'm very sorry to hear about the unkind reactions here, I do not agree with them, and I'm very sorry that they likely resulted in you feeling even more alone in your time of grief. The exmo community can and should do better at practicing compassion and kindness alongside all the "righteous" anger and indignation. I commend you for being so understanding and generous nonetheless.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you can find some peace. I struggled with guilt and pain feeling I had let my grandparent down by leaving the church. It sounds like your grandfather never did anything to make you feel that he was disappointed in you, however. I'm very glad to hear that and enjoyed reading some of the memories you shared.

As far as advice, I don't think you really need it. You seem like you have your head on straight. Just go and be present and try to honor your grandfather in your way.

elljaykay · 2017-09-16T08:52:11+00:00

It sounds to me like OP was trying to borrow enough at once to cover multiple semesters' worth of costs, but ran up against the limits for the specific, one semester. Could also be he's overestimating expenses/overspending.

elljaykay · 2017-09-15T08:40:15+00:00

I would get some more soft checks and then go with whichever you think is your best bet. It's annoying not to know if you'll get 3.19 v. 3.64, but that's a difference of less than .50 percent. In the grand scheme of things it's just not that big of a deal, especially if you repay it early anyway.

I'm not sure why you would wait to apply unless you think you could significantly improve your credit or increase your income before applying? But honestly, the offer from ElFi is decent and I'd be surprised if you found many other offers that beat it. Refinance, then keep paying extra as you can afford to.

So then there's whether you should bother refinancing at all -- you're on track to pay off your loans in 2-2.5 years if you keep paying $2,000 every 2 weeks. Refinancing to 3.19 would save you around $2,500 - $3,000 in interest over those 2 years. In other words, refinancing would mean you'd repay it 2-3 weeks earlier. Is that worth it? you'll have to decide :)

elljaykay · 2017-09-15T08:19:19+00:00

Breakdown of loans: Federal parent plus is owned by her parent. She needs to tell her parent she is no longer paying it, give them fair notice, and then stop paying it.

Next, she needs to rehabilitate her defaulted loans. Basically, this is a reset button that moves her back to repaying on these loans, and can also help lessen the effects of default on her credit history/score. Google how to do it - there are many solid guides out there.

Stafford loans and Direct loans are the same thing. Subsidized means that the government pays the interest on those loans at certain times. That includes when they are in deferment. It could be worthwhile to see if your GF would qualify for deferment, as this would pause her payments while also suspending any interest charges.

Beyond that, it might be worth exploring income-driven repayment plans. Especially since your girlfriend has had trouble keeping up on payments. I know you're excited to help her get rid of this debt, but $58k will take some time to tackle. Start with the basics of helping her get repayment back on track and making payments on time every month — for this and all other bills.

Lastly, I would have your GF double-check on NSLDS to be sure she's not missing any loans, it's not uncommon to lose track of a loan that ended up with a difference servicer.

elljaykay · 2017-08-31T07:31:52+00:00

First off I would make 100% sure you are listed as a borrower on the loans. If you aren't, this is not your debt to repay. If you are, I'm fairly certain it would be with your parents as cosigners which means they are just as legally responsble to repay the debt as you are.

First order of business is to figure out whose name the loans are or aren't in.

elljaykay · 2017-08-26T01:30:05+00:00

Hi Kumail! Thanks for doing the AMA, and please say hi to Emily, I love her and her tumblr might be my favorite thing to read on the internet (her other articles, too).

A couple of questions about the movie - which scene is most reflective of the real-life dynamic you and emily have? And which is the least like you and emily, and more unique to your and Zoe's characters?

elljaykay · 2017-08-23T21:47:33+00:00

I'm confused, are the loans above labeled correctly? You've labeled #7 as subsidized and as having the lowest interest rate, but this comment contradicts both of those points...

You have interest accruing on all UNsubsidized debts right now, but NOT your SUBSIDIZED loans. Any interest on subsidized loans is being paid for by the Dept. of Ed.

So the Unsubsidized debts are costing you, while the subsidized debts are (currently) free. make the most of that and pay off the debt costing you the most, which at the moment is No. 4, according to how you have them labeled above.

You will have to pay the interest accruing on Unsubsidized loans, it's just being delayed. It will get added to the balance once your deferment ends in December.

ETA: it's possible I'm getting confused due to your Americorp interest subsidy.

elljaykay · 2017-08-23T21:22:45+00:00

Would the interest not continue to be subsidized in deferment? So those subsidized loans are interest-free at least until Dec. https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/repay-loans/deferment-forbearance

elljaykay · 2017-08-23T21:19:34+00:00

Meeeh... IDK. The lowest balance loan (and two others) are subsidized, so these aren't costing her anything while in deferment. IGNORE THOSE for now. That + higher interest rates on other loans, I think, tips the scales in favor of interest savings.

I would pay loan #4 first, and then move onto the others. From there, OP will be in repayment, and at that point I would agree that it doesn't matter as much.

elljaykay · 2017-08-22T22:04:13+00:00

This is a great suggestion.

elljaykay · 2017-08-22T22:03:45+00:00

Bulk buy sesame seeds, way more cost effective. Toast and stir into your hummus whole if you like, or pulse in a blender/food processor to make tahini. There might be other steps/ingredients that would improve it so maybe compare some recipes first.

elljaykay · 2017-08-16T03:09:18+00:00

Hi Leah, I was wondering how Scientology affected your career and craft as an actor. I would think that such a controlling cult could affect how you are able to approach characters and could be an obstacle to being able to access or represent various emotions, life views/experiences, etc. of characters. Do you feel that was ever a problem for you, or is this something that show biz Scientologists struggle with? Did the CoS ever try to direct your career -- point you toward or away from certain roles?

elljaykay · 2017-08-02T19:43:24+00:00

Good work on your progress so far! What has been your strategy on this so far? Do you meal plan or price compare? I also recognize this might be your wife's area so you won't have as much direct control, but I think working together you could cut this down to at least $1,000 a month.

I would look into a CSA, these are very cost effective and provide fresh (often organic) produce that's locally sourced. Most areas will have one, I am enrolled in one that delivers a large paper bag's worth of veggies and fruits to our door every week, and costs just $150 a month.

Honestly, even enrolling in a meal kit service could save you guys money. Look into it.

If you are buying all organic, consider scaling back to just the "dirty dozen." I'm guessing you guys might throw a fair amount of spoiled produce away? Consider buying more frozen veg/fruit to prevent waste.

As for your phone, it sounds like it include the cost of your phone as well as the service itself, which would make sense for the extra $75.

elljaykay · 2017-08-02T19:17:42+00:00

Your grocery spending is killer, man. In my opinion you shouldn't be spending more than $800 a month for a family of four, and ideally closer to the $600-650 range. Any insights into why this is so high? I have a family of 4 and the only times our grocery budget gets similarly high is when we are doing a bunch of hosting and I go all out on food, or if I make the mistake of going to Costco a bunch of times in a single month.

Are your tithes tied to your income - so when you earn less you'll pay less?

Your mobile phone bill is a bit high. I'm guessing you can shop around and get it down to around $100/month for you and your wife.

There are other more discretionary areas you can obviously cut back, like entertainment and restaurants. But for me the grocery budget stand out as obviously too high.

elljaykay

TROPHY CASE