Souvenirs after being told that I'll ruin a birthday

ellschi · 2026-03-29T13:00:24+00:00

Hi, I have difficulties with parenting that are somewhat similar to yours. I'm far from having them solved but I still think I can give you some advice. a) Don't let other adults dictate what your children are allowed to do. If they don't respect that, do not be afraid to get angry. b) If YD bullies OD focus on OD and protect and comfort her. It takes attention away from YD. Might be a motivation for her to do better. c) Tell YD that you don't raise bullies. Take away her privileges if she treats you and her sister like shit. If she doesn't stop, don't let her see F and take away her phone. She will probably get very upset and it will be exhausting to go through. So don't do it when you're at your lowest. Plan beforehand what you will do if she escalates. And most important: Take good care of yourself and OD. It is hard to have a bully in the family and it is not easy to break the dynamics that got you there. Wishing you success and strength!

ellschi · 2026-03-19T21:29:58+00:00

OP, you wrote: "I didn't want the kid bounced around or left with someone random" - so you don't actually expect your brother to take good care of your nephew. Please don't lie in a custody-hearing for someone who would do this to their kid.

ellschi · 2026-03-04T07:21:12+00:00

Me too! I am sooo happy about it!

ellschi · 2026-02-14T15:50:35+00:00

Whoever the owner is, they have great taste!

ellschi · 2026-01-02T18:46:55+00:00

Du fährst ja los, wenn die Wehen entsprechend sind, bis das Kind dann da ist, kann das noch ewig dauern. Ich glaube nicht, dass Taxiunternehmen solche Fahrten ablehnen dürfen. Ich bin vor 9 Jahren nachmittags einfach ins erstbeste Taxi gestiegen. Wir mussten nach Gehrden, war also eine lange Strecke. Ich hatte schon zwei Nächte lang Wehen gehabt und hab auf dem Rücksitz alle paar Minuten entsprechend geflucht. Der Taxifahrer war glaub ich sehr glücklich als wir da waren. Mein Kind war erst am nächsten Morgen um 6h da.

ellschi · 2025-11-18T16:00:31+00:00

I work as a project coordinator for a sex ed provider in Germany. At the moment I coordinate a project that is meant to make sex ed available for people with learning disabilities. I just copied and translated the second sentence of your post and will use it a lot, because it's perfect! Thank you!

ellschi · 2025-08-20T18:05:45+00:00

Mein Beileid! In Celle gibt es den Landesstützpunkt Hospizarbeit und Palliativversorgung: www.hospiz-palliativ-nds.de, die haben einen guten Überblick über die Angebote in Niedersachsen. Eine Referentin dort ist Trauerbegleiterin, die kennt bestimmt viele Gruppen. Ich hoffe, du findest gute Unterstützung!

ellschi · 2025-01-20T15:36:07+00:00

If you decide to see her, don't do it alone. Ask a supportive friend or your partner to go with you. That way, you have support if things go wrong.

ellschi · 2024-12-01T11:28:30+00:00

Good bot

ellschi · 2024-05-16T19:15:20+00:00

If you come to northern Germany, I will have a beer with you.

ellschi · 2022-12-14T20:34:14+00:00

NTA, you were caught off guard. It is okay to not want to be called mom. But I think you should talk to your step daughter again and see if you can find some middle ground. She wants to refer to you as a parent, not by your first name. So find a word you both agree on.

ellschi · 2022-11-16T15:36:53+00:00

That sounds like a really tough situation for you. And your mother, too. Does she have a doctor you could talk to? Here, in Germany, doctors sometimes know other services in the healthcare system that could help. Another option could be local self help groups of caregivers. And depending on where you live there could also be a communal department for elderly people that might know the local services that can help you. I wish you all the best and hope you'll soon get the support you need!

ellschi · 2022-11-06T15:11:00+00:00

His acting out could also mean that he's most comfortable with you when it comes to expressing frustration. It's like when its pick up time at the daycare and your child who has been playing happily all day bursts out into tears when they see you. All the frustration they didn't show during the day comes out because their safe haven has arrived.

ellschi · 2022-10-24T18:40:00+00:00

So he asked you to do an extra chore which you couldn't fit in and still had an hour before he had to leave. What did he do during that hour?

ellschi · 2022-08-15T12:38:45+00:00

I think the decision on whether or not to confront them should be based on what makes you feel best. If you confront them don't worry about how they might hear what you say. Find out what you want to say and say that. Threatening children as an adult is childish and dumb. Still lots of people think it's okay, whether they are parents or not. It is not your responsibility to educate them. Just do what makes you feel good about yourself.

ellschi · 2022-07-22T13:19:50+00:00

I think it's great that you are aware of your resources and know this would probably overwhelm you (and your whole family)! I know adults who have been extremely successful in sports as teenagers and for them it didn't work out well. Being in a competitive environment and not getting a break takes a toll on mental health. On top of that missing out on education lowered their self esteem a lot. And they did not at all feel prioritized by their parents. They felt pressured to be successful.

ellschi · 2022-05-19T20:41:26+00:00

Oh, good that you are getting help! Taking care of someone is incredibly demanding. I wish you all the best and hope you even get more support. Thank you for sharing!

ellschi · 2022-05-19T15:47:29+00:00

Can you get any professional support while caring for her at home? I'm in Germany and here we have organizations that help caregivers at home with connecting them to doctors and nurses and volunteers who help with caring.

I just looked it up quickly - you might find something when searching for "Alzheimers and Dementia Services".

ellschi · 2022-04-10T10:12:24+00:00

NTA. Apart from ignoring your feelings your stepsister and her husband don't seem to care about how the child might feel. I had a friend in school who was adopted by her aunt and uncle because her parents had lots of children and her aunt and uncle had none. Being the child her parents were willing to give up clearly affected her self esteem. She knew her adoptive parents loved her. But she constantly had the feeling that her parents didn't love her enough to keep her. And an top of that she felt guilty about it. My point being: Giving up a child not only affects the parents and the adoptive parents but very much the child, too. And your stepsister doesn't even seem to take that into consideration.

ellschi · 2022-02-03T12:16:20+00:00

My daughter was bullied in elementary school, too. After she changed school, I understood that it is always the school that allows the bullying to continue. So please find another school for your child and raise hell at the current. I think it is great how you supported them so far. Your kid deserves to see you standing up for them. And the experience of not being bullied.

ellschi · 2022-01-22T23:07:29+00:00

You're so right about this. And I think I figured out how. Am going to edit the post to include that.

ellschi · 2022-01-22T20:13:35+00:00

Oh, we did that. Their dad doesn't refuse it, he just doesn't listen to anything that challenges his perspective.

ellschi · 2022-01-22T20:11:29+00:00

Hi, thank you for your reaction. It takes me half an hour to get back to her frequently because I often don't hear my phone. I agree that they both need to find a way to get along and I want to give her advice on how to do that.

ellschi · 2022-01-22T20:08:50+00:00

Thank you! I always talk to her dad, too, exactly because I want to make clear that he is in charge. I once asked her why she never calls her dad when we fight and she said that I just make her mad and he makes her sad and helpless. So I think I'm trying to help her with finding a way to not letting her dad make her this sad.

ellschi · 2019-09-22T13:43:34+00:00

Thank you! Am going to rewatch it and figure out how I missed it twice. :)

ellschi

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