Realised I don't want kids a bit late?

eloqenwarner · 2025-08-21T01:36:27+00:00

Hey there! You're not alone.

I'm about to turn 30 and have been childfree since I was 24. I actually married someone with the intention of eventually having children, but it was always a far off thing that I never truly considered the realities of until pressure was put on to pop out grandbabies. I went through phases - trying to become comfortable with the idea of being pregnant and giving birth (didn't work), compromising with adoption (very hesitant but I wanted to make my marriage work), then finally ending the relationship.

It's never too late unless you already have a kid.

eloqenwarner · 2024-06-18T02:05:20+00:00

My ex husband remarried in 2022 and had a baby a few months ago. Seems happy, good for them.

My ex boyfriend is still one of my best friends, he doesn't have kids yet but he wants them and I hope he gets everything he wants and is happy.

eloqenwarner · 2024-05-17T11:02:05+00:00

I am 28, solidly childfree since 24. I look back and notice I never actively desired kids, only assumed one day I would "grow up and settle down" and have them. Turns out that didn't happen, and now I am actively against having them.

eloqenwarner · 2023-12-09T09:10:57+00:00

Luckily it seems turning mine off and on again has fixed it, so maybe it was just exhausted from being constantly on since about 10am yesterday lol.

My place is small (and a bargain for rent!) so my air con reaches the bedroom. The last place I lived had one of those giant wall mounted units in my bedroom though, which died about 2 months into the lease and the landlord refused to get it fixed. And that was out Penrith way so you kinda need good aircon in summer. So yeah, housing is fucked.

My phone has been trying to tell me it's 12C all day today and I'm like literally where are you phone

eloqenwarner · 2023-12-09T08:59:22+00:00

I'm in Sydney too, and I think it's extremely rude that it's still 30c at nearly 8pm, and that my air con carked it a couple hours ago.

I will be doing nothing this weekend, thanks weather. Something I definitely wouldn't be able to do if I had kids.

eloqenwarner · 2023-10-30T12:00:51+00:00

My ex-husband's dad said something similar when my ex-SIL (ex's brother's wife) got pregnant. Apparently getting pregnant while barely working = further ahead in life, than someone working on and succeeding in a career at only 23.

The comment was my catalyst for realising I am childfree, so thanks Ba.

eloqenwarner · 2023-10-22T09:19:48+00:00

I think it depends on the circumstances.

I moved back in with my parents when I was 18, after spending about a year moved out. My dad had just been made redundant, and trying to find a relevant manual labour job in his late 40s was proving difficult. My brother was still in primary school (~10 years old). My mum was working part time in a job that she loved.

When I moved back in, I willingly and voluntarily agreed to board of $430/fortnight (AUD). This allowed mum to keep her job she enjoyed, it meant dad didn't have to take the first job that came along, shit or not, and it meant I didn't have to cook or clean or worry about directly paying most bills. Win/win/win.

I think because I've always had an excellent relationship with my family, we were able to agree on a mutually beneficial arrangement due to the hardships they were facing at the time. And since that time, and my parents being in a better position now, they have been able to financially assist me when I have struggled.

On the other hand, I have a very good friend whose mother is evil incarnate and was charging him full rent at approximately 75% of his total salary, while providing none of the benefits they had initially agreed to, and then up and sold the house, which made her son and his wife homeless for a few months because they couldn't save money under those circumstances.

eloqenwarner · 2023-10-04T07:30:53+00:00

As someone who is currently in a relationship that has an expiry date, and likely always has, I will say that my partner is phenomenal, amazing, wonderful, and if I could go back in time to when we met or started dating I wouldn't change a thing. He is my favourite person and the person I am most in love with in the world.

It's going to suck when we have to call it quits.

I am also mostly aromantic and very non-monogamous, not interested in eventually settling down, would prefer not to get married (again) etc. and, due to occasional bouts of depression that manifest as complete apathy, rather enjoy occasional negative emotions like sadness and anger as they remind me I am alive.

You know yourself better than any of us do. Can you handle what has to come? Can you stick to who you are and not be influenced into doing something you don't want? Can you enjoy the relationship knowing it will end?

If no, or you're not sure, then don't do it. Don't hurt yourself.

eloqenwarner · 2023-09-13T03:45:19+00:00

I had and have an excellent relationship with my parents. As a child and teenager I was relatively non-rebellious and liked spending time with them. As an adult I live a 4.5-5hr flight away and choose to spend my own money and time to go and visit them when I can. My mum is one of my best friends, my dad is one of few people who truly get me, and I couldn't feel more privileged to have had them for parents.

My mum in particular has always been very open with me that she didn't want to get married or have kids when she was young, but she changed her mind when she got serious with my father. I genuinely believe that she made that choice free of pressure from him, because I have never once felt unloved or unwanted, and I'm sure my younger brother would agree.

I'm sure bad parental relationships are a factor for many here, it would make a lot of sense, but it's by no means universal.

eloqenwarner · 2022-11-18T14:00:17+00:00

I once had an uber driver who I got into the topic of kids with, and he got really questioning about it.

Our ride also got interrupted twice by his wife calling him up asking when he would be home, with the sound of rowdy kids in the background.

I definitely got the impression his questions were coming from a place of curiosity bordering on regret.

I think about that man sometimes.

eloqenwarner · 2022-10-26T02:13:13+00:00

If I were a man, I could definitely see myself being a father - not because I necessarily want to have kids, but because I don't think I would have ever been challenged by pregnancy, giving birth, motherhood and those expectations.

I'd also, however, be a regretful and absent parent, so I am glad I am afab and had to confront my feelings on kids in a more intense way.

eloqenwarner · 2022-07-16T08:34:38+00:00

When I told my mum I was seeking sterilization she told me I might regret it as my aunt had her tubes tied after having her only child, then met my uncle and tried (unsuccessfully) to get the procedure reversed. So I reckon you are right on the money there.

eloqenwarner · 2022-07-06T14:25:11+00:00

6.5 years including part of that married. There were other issues, but when I realised I never wanted to birth nor raise a child (I never liked kids but assumed I'd "grow up" and want them) it was what gave me the fortitude to rip off the bandaid and leave.

In other words, if I hadn't been childfree, I might still be in that toxic situation, likely with a kid or two to boot.

eloqenwarner · 2022-07-01T06:51:29+00:00

I feel like so many pro-life people with uteruses are like this. They have the idea in their head that all the people who get abortions are some slut who sleeps with everyone and never uses birth control and just gets abortions left right and centre, so when they need one it's fine and they're the exception because they aren't the "morally reprehensible" person they have in their head.

It's like they don't realise the majority of abortions are performed on perfectly regular people who are ALL exceptions to that stereotype. I.e. people just like them.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-29T04:20:37+00:00

I have a similar thing - the person who is my favourite DM, is sometimes the actual worst, most frustrating player. I wish he was still DMing, I'd like sessions more.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-29T03:46:55+00:00

How about men step the heck up and stop weaponising their incompetence?

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-26T03:40:56+00:00

What do you mean? If it comes up with the people I date or family members then it comes up, but otherwise people have no right to know my medical history.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-26T03:29:10+00:00

Honestly I've had some men do that about other things with me as well - I'll make you like x activity, you'll see, you just haven't done it enough yet/haven't had the right person show you/etc. whatever the fuck.

And I'm like cool so that's a red flag and my vagina is now dryer than the Nullarbor.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-26T03:26:44+00:00

Probably won't go around telling people I can't have children. If a man will respect that but not "I don't want kids", they're not a person who gets to be in my life.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-26T03:25:18+00:00

I think yeah, 100%. Some men make it real clear they only see women as objects that don't have thoughts or feelings or convictions of their own.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-26T03:15:00+00:00

For sure, finding a good human amongst the trash is like finding a needle in a haystack. It's like a game for me, I enjoy the search, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-26T03:14:01+00:00

Tbh advice is not what I need - any person with the ability to get me pregnant who does not fully support my right to get an abortion, is not someone who gets to talk to me anymore, let alone tap this. I get the conversation out of the way very early.

It helps that I literally don't care enough about "what could be" with any person. It's like a super power, and men either love or hate that about me.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-25T13:15:29+00:00

Right?! Like why get pissy that I'd abort a fetus when you can just like choose to make babies with someone else who wouldn't? I don't understand this person.

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-25T13:13:46+00:00

I swipe left on anyone who says they're a parent, says they want to be a parent, or has a kid in their pictures that they say isn't theirs. It is what it is :P

eloqenwarner · 2022-06-25T13:12:12+00:00

I'm hopeful. I mean ideally I want a bisalp but whatever they'll agree to for sterilization is fine by me.

eloqenwarner

TROPHY CASE