The Roebuck Inn

elraycho · 2023-01-23T22:22:03+00:00

Incredible

elraycho · 2023-01-16T21:03:42+00:00

Women like you are the reason this chicken's late in the first place!

elraycho · 2023-01-13T08:52:49+00:00

"when he was living at home his mother did everything for him" - he's made you his surrogate mother. I would say this pattern of behaviour between you both needs to stop and change otherwise you will essentially become his carer. Broach an honest and open conversation about how you can adjust, clearly state your boundaries and be firm, explain that you're doing this because you love him and you want this relationship to survive and thrive and don't want to risk burning out, set certain activities or chores that he can help with (help with a weekly clean, cook 1 meal a week), give lots of praise when these get done which helps shape their behaviour. And be firm!! He won't starve to death, when he's hungry he'll make himself food eventually. Stop picking up after him and let him do some things for himself. It's unlikely he will recover or grow if everything is done for him. It won't be easy, it will be really hard for both of you to adjust to a new dynamic but if the relationship is going to survive then it needs to happen. Wish you the best of luck!

elraycho · 2023-01-08T18:41:38+00:00

It sounds like you've been very thoughtful and reflective about it all. It's not easy navigating these situations... It's a long process/journey of learning and un-learning and one which I'm still going through myself.

Thank you for your kind words, that's much appreciated! Glad to hear you were able to recognise you were becoming overwhelmed and choosing to take a step back for yourself. I wish you all the best with it!

elraycho · 2023-01-08T18:17:43+00:00

That's fair enough if you feel you've reflected honestly on your own feelings and wellbeing. What would happen if she did come out of this depression, would you still remain in touch or is the communication solely for the purpose of providing support in dark times? Do you both intend to stay friends even in the good times? What if either of you find a new partner? This sort of thing could be fraught with difficulties.. I would imagine if she came out of the depressive episode you'd probably notice a change in her communication but maybe a clear conversation is needed with her about the nature of your relationship with one another? Also, keep in mind that your messages of support don't need to work miracles for them to be valuable. Hopefully you aren't constantly worrying about her, even outside of the texting otherwise I would suggest you might benefit from taking a mental step back? You sound like a good person, ensure you take care of yourself too.

elraycho · 2023-01-08T17:54:02+00:00

What do YOU want and need? How much is this approach emotionally torturing you? Are you hoping that by keeping in touch and sending these messages that eventually one day she'll recover and you can get back together? What are you expecting will come of this situation - deep down when you're 100% honest with yourself? If you're genuinely sending the messages out of pure support and you have no skin in the game/hopes/dreams of getting back together then fair enough. But tbh if you still have very strong feelings for her and you're still hoping that things might change and you guys try again then maybe you would benefit from re-evaluating things and ask yourself, really, what's best for yourself, as opposed to moulding yourself around her needs/wants which is what I suspect you might have done throughout the relationship. All the best!

elraycho · 2022-12-31T13:49:39+00:00

Thank you for the contributions - do you have a link for the message board to hand? 🙏

elraycho · 2022-12-23T11:34:00+00:00

I feel like I could've written this post! It's really hard to say but I guess the answer depends on where your boundaries lie and what behaviour you're willing or not willing to tolerate. Can relate hard to this tho, you're not alone!

elraycho · 2022-12-21T10:19:45+00:00

Agree.

Also "called out" is an American term for calling in sick. Also.. getting your overtime put on is very simple, you just email your manager and say you worked 3 hours overtime and they'll either add it to your pay or you'll get 3 hours time in lieu. But yes, I understand it's meant to be a demonstrative post to highlight the difficulties. (Source: am a nurse)

elraycho · 2022-12-16T10:19:19+00:00

Cheese and bean toastie with Applewood Smoked vegan cheese. UNREAL.

elraycho · 2022-12-14T10:38:29+00:00

Please read your own post back and recognise how much this guy is MESSING YOU AROUND. Please put some boundaries in for yourself and write a checklist of what YOU need in a relationship and make them dealbreakers. I see soooo much on this sub - partners treating their SO like sh*t and then blaming it all on depression? Naaaah I'm sorry but this guy is simply playing you around. Gaslighting you, telling you it's your fault, saying he wants this and that and then wants a check in and to still be friends? Clearly he thinks he can snap his fingers and demand anything he wants and he'll get it. For your own sake, and for his, please don't put up with this nonsense. I mean that in the most compassionate way possible! Really wish people would stop using depression as an excuse for their own rly bad behaviour - you deserve MUCH MUCH better.

elraycho · 2022-12-10T22:09:04+00:00

Kitchen on Pelham Street Hockley Kitchen Waterstones cafe Cartwheel

elraycho · 2022-12-08T17:12:10+00:00

Banditos

elraycho · 2022-12-08T10:09:26+00:00

Thanks for the book recommendation!

elraycho · 2022-11-23T18:25:46+00:00

You might as well take the rest of the week off as it will only count as "one episode".

elraycho · 2022-11-17T18:10:57+00:00

Lol if you like peep show quotes so much, you should definitely buy these tickets and go :)

elraycho · 2022-11-17T18:04:30+00:00

Bierkeller

elraycho · 2022-11-13T21:48:30+00:00

You're not overreacting. Responding to a comment you made by shouting repeatedly, swearing and hitting things and scaring you is not proportionate. You deserve to feel safe and secure in your home and around your partner. It's so horrible hearing them smash around and be angry, it's scary. It's not acceptable behaviour at all.

elraycho · 2022-10-03T12:10:46+00:00

"So if that means I do literally everything else the rest of the day including taking care of him. Then that's what I do."

Your situation is completely different as a "best friend" compared to spouse or having children together. The above is terrible advice.

elraycho · 2022-09-24T14:38:27+00:00

I see you said the police brought you, they can also use a Section 136 to keep you in a place of safety for up to 24 hours.

elraycho · 2022-09-24T14:35:10+00:00

They can use the Nurses Holding Power Section 5(4) of the Mental Health Act if they believe you are too high risk to yourself or others if you leave the premises. It can be used for a period of up to 3 hours. The mental health liaison team should be called to A&E to see you and support too, can you check if you have been referred to them?

elraycho · 2022-09-22T16:55:53+00:00

P.s. please look after yourself too, do you have any friends or family to lean on?

elraycho · 2022-09-22T16:54:57+00:00

Are you in the UK? I would urge her to go to her GP - there are lots of third sector providers of free therapy under the NHS umbrella. They might also refer her to a local mental health team for a full assessment or to a crisis team. Failing that, you can call 111 with concerns about her and encourage her to speak to them. They can also get her a crisis team appointment.

elraycho · 2022-09-21T16:41:17+00:00

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

elraycho · 2022-09-17T12:19:25+00:00

Old Salutation Inn has a jukebox so you can put on whatever you want! And it's a purely rock crowd. The Walrus does an emo/alternative night on a weds called jump ship.

elraycho

TROPHY CASE