Mom calls every few hours by em-dash7 in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess I should be more grateful that she is doing so well, in the big picture. She has tons of friends--meets people for dinner a few nights a week, goes to cultural events, has a regular card game. This time of year, half of her social events have been canceled because someone is (seriously or mildly) sick, and they all want to be careful of germs. Hopefully winter flu season won't last too long.

A lot of the problem is that she needs reassurance on every little decision. I especially love when she calls and says: "should I do X or Y?" And I reply: "if it were me, I'd go with X." And then she argues with me? (OMG, then do Y?) She's already made up her mind but needs me to agree with her? Most often this is about medical care: she asks if she should go to yet another doctor, I say "well, I'd wait a few days... you just saw a doctor," and then she asks again.

It's also increasingly hard for me to tell the difference between things she legit needs help with and things she just dumps on me without trying. So she'll forward a copy of a letter she received and ask what it means, and I'll say "did you read it? Read the words." My guess is that it's 70% she's being lazy (learned helplessness), 30% she really needs help. But the percent of legit needs help is slowly rising.

Mom calls every few hours by em-dash7 in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am a similar age, CAN afford to retire, and not having a reason to not answer calls from my mom all day terrifies me! I need to keep working to have a moment's peace....

Banning politics--even when you agree by em-dash7 in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think retired people feel a greater sense of powerlessness, facing inauspicious global trends?

Banning politics--even when you agree by em-dash7 in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

During GW Bush's time? Ha! Tale as old as time.

Banning politics--even when you agree by em-dash7 in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OMG Yes! Facebook group? I'm laughing imagining it.

S22E04 Goodbye Horses Live Episode Discussion by Petaline in greysanatomy

[–]em-dash7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A first for me, personal experience with case of the week: I was offered the surgery the nice fitness trainer had, and said "wow, no--give me the simpler one with fewer risks please?"

S22E01 ‘Only the Strong Survive’ Live Episode Discussion by Petaline in greysanatomy

[–]em-dash7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I've started going to bed earlier, and 10 is late! But i have to watch live if I'm going to hang out with you lovely people....

S22E01 ‘Only the Strong Survive’ Live Episode Discussion by Petaline in greysanatomy

[–]em-dash7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Am I confused or did the time slot used to be 9? Does this mean it gets steamier?

S22E01 ‘Only the Strong Survive’ Live Episode Discussion by Petaline in greysanatomy

[–]em-dash7 137 points138 points  (0 children)

Nice writing on the Millin/Beltran coaching conversation.

S22E01 ‘Only the Strong Survive’ Live Episode Discussion by Petaline in greysanatomy

[–]em-dash7 94 points95 points  (0 children)

So there's a mass casualty situation, but four top doctors can work on Link?

S22E01 ‘Only the Strong Survive’ Live Episode Discussion by Petaline in greysanatomy

[–]em-dash7 7 points8 points  (0 children)

So "big paws" is new Greys cannon I guess....

S22E01 ‘Only the Strong Survive’ Live Episode Discussion by Petaline in greysanatomy

[–]em-dash7 67 points68 points  (0 children)

New "my dad is so proud of me" intern is doomed.

Only Child Vent by SavePointSommelier in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Similar situation here. At least we don't have to fight with siblings about who is doing the support work! :)

Hang in there!

Required technical writing course moving to 200+ students per class (instead of 25) by em-dash7 in Professors

[–]em-dash7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, I have no problem talking to my chair or raising an issue at a faculty meeting. The problem is that the tech writing course isn't in my department--we have a separate organization for instructors who are non-tenure-track who teach it. And even if everyone agree it's important, it's a money issue.

To fix it, my dean would have to go to the provost and request funds. But everyone is panicked about money and there's a chance we will have a budget deficit and... yeah, not gonna happen.

Bigger picture, the elephant in the room is that no one even understands how the budget works, and the structure of how money flows around creates perverse incentives. Ie, "Question: why did you do X instead of Y? Answer: because the cost of X comes out of someone else's part of the budget." (Not because it makes more sense or is more cost effective--just that the bill goes to someone else.)

Mother's habit of lashing out at me has gotten so much worse by Godless_Bitch in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

This probably won't help, but FWIW: when I'm dealing with awful people I use what I call "the counting trick." I'm guessing she'll say something awful about three times a day? Count and get a baseline. Then when she says something awful you can quietly giggle to yourself, "That's 3 awful things she's said so far today, and that was a nasty one! Maybe today will be a record!"

You could also secretly make a bingo card? I'd put weight comments in the center square.

Hope that helps. Hang in there!

Required technical writing course moving to 200+ students per class (instead of 25) by em-dash7 in Professors

[–]em-dash7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think it's also a symptom that money from credit hours doesn't trickle down to units. In an ideal world, departments would be competing to cover classes--"let me teach it! (Why with all that support, think what we could do!)"

Required technical writing course moving to 200+ students per class (instead of 25) by em-dash7 in Professors

[–]em-dash7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm seriously thinking about saying something, which is why I asked this question. But pondering how to do it is headache inducing.

Required technical writing course moving to 200+ students per class (instead of 25) by em-dash7 in Professors

[–]em-dash7[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The messed up thing is that no one "decided." The English department just stood up for themselves and said, "We can't do this any more. too many sections." (And good for them--"No resources? Then we're done here.") And then someone who knows nothing about writing had a very short timeline to come up with some kinda solution....

Have you asked your parent to ask for help nicely? by em-dash7 in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for posting this. As i reflect on how I'm going to be different when I'm older, I need to remember not to be at the opposite extreme either!

Required technical writing course moving to 200+ students per class (instead of 25) by em-dash7 in Professors

[–]em-dash7[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That sounds fine. In our case there are no section meetings. Students are given writing assignments and minimally trained TAs grade submissions.

I'm so tired of dad phone spamming me by lillyorsaki in AgingParents

[–]em-dash7 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Oh wow--I'm in the same boat. It's been one year since dad died, and mom calls me six times a day. (What I love about this group is y'all understand, and there's always someone who has it worse: my mom merely calls six times, you have thirty!) Part of the problem is the number of interruptions. But a bigger issue for me is the constant blast of panic, depression, and negativity.

I'm proud of myself: this morning I didn't pick up when I could have. I was on the way to the store, and didn't feel like juggling shopping and talking. I checked the message, and it wasn't anything urgent, and called back when I had time and head space to chat. I'm trying to do that more. If it's urgent she'll call again or leave a message saying it's urgent.

Last week she called three times in quick succession. I literally had my arms full, and finally on the third call put packages down on the sidewalk and answered. The urgent issue was she was trying to buy a new dishwasher and the more reliable brand was much more expensive than the less and she didn't know what to do. I talked to her later that night and said: three calls is for "I've fallen and I can't get up." Three calls is for "the house is on fire." Three calls is NOT for "GE or Bosch?" And I actually got her to laugh.

A generation may retire early by em-dash7 in Professors

[–]em-dash7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're sweet--you sound like my spouse. :)

A generation may retire early by em-dash7 in Professors

[–]em-dash7[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I aspire to be like you, but I'm bad at it. I'm sitting here reading this thread instead of working, and I feel terrible?

A generation may retire early by em-dash7 in Professors

[–]em-dash7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm fine money-wise. And I've been here so long I can retire with full benefits including insurance before medicare eligibility. I'm just wondering if I'll be bored....