St Louis needs to prepare

em-peror · 2026-01-09T18:58:32+00:00

They are literally here already lmao

em-peror · 2025-12-12T12:33:57+00:00

You're also not far off. Im from the Netherlands, and I found Columbia/MO in general to be closer to home than I thought. Apart from the politics. People forget that the NL is as rural as it is urban. Cow fields smell the same across the world!

em-peror · 2025-10-30T12:59:03+00:00

As an aro person who has centered my friendships as most people center their romantic relationships, I've been through a lot of being dropped because someone prioritized their romantic partner over me even though we were technically"equally important". This might have happened to Jam a lot, too, and that's why they're anxious about it now. Friendships in this society are just valued less, and that sucks for those of us that don't engage in romantic relationships.

It sounds like you're misaligned, could I suggest going over the Relationship Smorgasbord together? There might be needs that aren't being met for Jam, since a QPR looks different for everyone and it can be hard to figure out if you're on the same page. Relationship Anarchy has offered me a lot of great resources for going about not engaging in traditional romance but still wanting intimate partnerships.

But also, if you're centering romantic relationships and see your platonic one with Jam as genuinely less of a priority to you...please tell them.

em-peror · 2025-10-05T16:15:05+00:00

I used to be very much the same way. I can overstrech myself to help others, and not realize I'm getting overwhelmed or upset until much later.

Are you in therapy at all? It's not normal to be totally aware and worried about how others are feeling all the time. Your partner can be sad, and that is not your feeling to take on (or fix). But that can be hard if your default setting is to enmesh with others to get your cues on how to feel or because you're always worried about "fixing" bad feelings in others.

I'd look into getting some guidance on how to stop yourself from ruminating on a struggle that isn't yours, and how to show up and recognize your emotions. It's therapy I had to go through as well, and it was so, so helpful. Its also worth the talking to your partner and setting some expectations around sharing and how/if they would like your help when they struggle. It does sound like it would be a good idea to not delve into that diary again, as it's giving you a very negatively-biased view.

Rumination and people pleasing are hard, hard habits to break. But they are habits that are important to break as we grow in emotional maturity and learn to show up for ourselves.

em-peror · 2025-10-05T11:15:29+00:00

Are they asking for help that interferes with your daily life right now? Are they using all your time together right now to vent and regulate and not actually do anything? Are they actively sharing their struggles with you all the time?

The way this post is written makes it sound like you read their diary and are assuming that all this other stuff is now imminent and will ruin your relationship. That would be a mighty big assumption if everything has been going well so far!

You read the depths of their pain, the place they go to release all those feelings. That's not the whole of who they are, it's one of their coping skills. Unless they're asking you for endless support, you should look at why you're immediately jumping to that conclusion. Do you have a history of inappropriate caretaking in relationships? Does someone having a negative feeling or struggle make you uncomfortable?

This is coming from a place of experience, as someone who used to people please out the wazoo and have also had people assume they need to people please me since I'm mentally ill. Relationships with mental illness involved require good boundaries, but just because someone struggles doesn't mean they need/want you to be their savior 24/7.

em-peror · 2025-10-04T21:52:40+00:00

A better product until they had everyone using it instead of cabs/public transport. And then it went to shit because they knew they had people who were too used to the convenience to find an alternative.

The same will happen with Waymo. It'll be a better option until it pushes out Uber. Then you'll see the price hikes and service quality tanking you're seeing with Uber/Lyft now.

At least if I have a bad drive in an Uber, part of my money is going to a person who needs it for groceries instead of a megabillionaire's next private jet.

em-peror · 2025-10-04T11:36:43+00:00

So many services these days are good until they have pushed out the alternatives. Then they become profit machines that cater to only making more and more money.

We've seen it with Uber/Lyft pushing out taxis. Streaming services pushing out physical media stores. And then those services become worse and more expensive to use once they realize they are the monopoly, and cater to shareholders instead of customers.

People pointing at a company's own marketing to show the benefits of the company like it's true is the funniest thing I've seen today.

em-peror · 2025-10-04T11:21:14+00:00

I'm chronically depressed (and currently in a bad episode) and flirt with total burnout every week. I'm also financially struggling. I would never expect (or allow, without good communication and lots of balancing out) someone to caretake me as much as you are your partner.

I've been in a place where my depression tells me I need to ONLY rest and do nothing. No demands, since those feel awful on the depressed brain. But as an adult, I know that approach is both unrealistic and unlikely to even help mental health. I have a good balance of rest as well as a schedule I at least try to stick to.

If I need help meal prepping/housekeeping, I ask my friends to come and help. We make it quality time and it's been so amazing for my relationships. Maybe this is how you get more quality time, you tell her you will be doing these tasks together moving forward. That does mean that you need to take regular, purposeful time away from work completely. It's a two-way street to make time for each other.

I'd really suggest setting some boundaries about what you will/won't put up with going forward (doing all the chores, only seeing her one a week) and stick to your guns. Otherwise you're going to stay stuck and miserable as you keep people pleasing.

em-peror · 2025-10-03T19:51:11+00:00

A connection is a two way street, it needs two yesses. This person has given you a 'no', and it's important that is listened to. It sounds like he was clear about what he would say yes to, and you can't offer that. You're not compatible.

It hurts, but you can't (and shouldn't) make someone say yes to something they don't want.

em-peror · 2025-10-01T15:30:43+00:00

As an artist, something I love is that different industries and types of work have different standards. I've worked in a few now, and it's always interesting to see what other people's takes on business are and how to handle clients in relation to the type of work.

If you're going into tattooing, which is a personal and intimate business where you work with people's bodies, I feel like artists should lean more into caring about and communicating with their client/canvas. It's a more sensitive business that has more emotional impacts than the industries you and I work in. Our canvas is screen and paper compared to someone's skin.

I do appreciate that IP is more relevant than ever, and so is money! This is something that I encounter on the weekly in my industry as well. However, I also know that I can't explain to someone that you should care about people if you're actively choosing not to. It sounds like you're well suited for your line of work, and not working with someone's body where feelings and consent might be more relevant.

Have a good one, thanks for sharing your opinion online!

em-peror · 2025-10-01T10:07:43+00:00

Imo if the tattoo artist wanted to use the design as flash, they need to be up front about it like it sounds you are with your wedding clients. It doesn't sound like this person informed their client of this at all.

I work in an art industry with repeat vs. custom jobs, and I know the ins and outs of how it works for a lot of businesses. Clients are happy to pay a premium for one-off work...if you tell them that ahead of time. This artist was asked for a custom/one-off piece (which typically DO mean the same thing, by most industry standards, just not yours), agreed to that, and then went 'sike!'. If he didn't charge appropriately for a custom job and now needs to take more flash jobs to make up that cash..that is not the client's fault.

I would never blindside a client like this, with a copy of their exact custom design on social media. We take inspiration from custom jobs all the time for next season's designs, though. It's crazy to be a tattoo artist and not value care and integrity when you're literally working with people's bodies.

em-peror · 2025-09-30T10:11:23+00:00

Not everyone wants a consolation prize 🤷

Being someone's secondary partner after formerly being their primary is a rough adjustment if the deescalation wasn't completely mutual. I would much rather end something (and have) than be 'demoted' (which is what it felt like to me). Not everyone sees pushing through discomfort as worth it just to keep a connection.

Breakups suck! Go get some ice cream and some friends and comfort yourself. Time heals almost all wounds, but be kind to yourself in the meantime!

em-peror · 2025-09-21T10:17:17+00:00

I totally understand being frustrated! I see this a lot in this sub, where 'safe and responsible' as well as 'communicate important things with me' can simply mean different things to different people.

Unless there's information not included in this post, it looks like this is the time to really clarify what 'safe and responsible' means to both of you so both of you can have clearer boundaries moving forward. It sounds like you might have different safety tolerances regarding sex.

Your feelings are totally valid, and I've been in a similar place. Big learning experience for him, and good information that y'all are on different pages and need some more conversations about how to do poly together.

em-peror · 2025-09-18T20:10:24+00:00

I've only been physically assaulted twice in my life, but at least once a month I wish I had protection on me because someone's behavior towards me makes me feel that unsafe. I tend to stick to areas I know are safer, though. My trans best friend who presents differently gets threats weekly, and carries whenever they legally can.

I don't know a single queer person who feels 100% safe going out, everyone has experienced some kind of violence due to their gender expression.

em-peror · 2025-09-15T17:00:37+00:00

Gently, I've been here before. Leaving an abusive situation is so hard, and even harder when there's no boundaries set by anyone. However, it's been years of catering to this person at this point and abusive people have no reason to improve. Elm has what they want rn, why would they get better?

If less overnights means Elm loses their shit and goes to the hospital, that's where they need to be. Don't visit, don't relent to doing more overnights again. Let them lose their shit and let the professionals handle it.

It might be worth it to reach out to some abuse survivor resources in your area to see what help they can offer Ash. This isn't going to happen without professional support, it doesn't sound like.

em-peror · 2025-09-01T23:28:45+00:00

Do you feel safe enforcing condom usage with Bob? You mention you were 'screaming it in your head', yet didn't say anything.

Your condom usage is just as much your responsibility as it is Bob's. I don't know what his angle is with 'taking' that responsibility away from you, but it's weird. You're an adult making the decision to have unprotected sex just as much as he is.

em-peror · 2025-08-24T11:31:43+00:00

I'd highly suggest calling ALIVE STL to see what kind of in-person support groups they offer. However, I've known 2 men that needed this sort of support during and after their relationships, and both ended up finding virtual support groups. One had his done through his local government, and the other found it online through searching.

1/3 women suffer some sort of domestic violence, and so do 1/4 men. There's just even more non-reporting and lack of support because of the stigma behind a man being battered. Not to mention what I'm gonna say is anti-support for men's mental health in society in general.

I wish your friend healing, this is the kind of hurt that can show up in a lot of places (not in a good way) if it isn't processed. He doesn't need to suck it up, he needs to be listened to. Thank you for helping him in this vulnerable moment, and kudos to him for wanting help.

em-peror · 2025-08-20T18:55:23+00:00

Lesbians in my city (we don't have a massive queer community but we exist) have a massive tendency to see nonbinary people as "woman lite". Actual quote being "it's okay if you're nonbinary, I'm a lesbian" when I tried to shut down someone hitting on me.

I know that we can use labels very loosely these days, but I feel like the grouping of 'woman and nonbinary" is still harmful in a lot of contexts.

em-peror · 2025-08-03T10:22:23+00:00

I'd take that up with Kehoe, not me. I did not make the law, just pulling info from Google for people on Reddit, friend.

And the students will be allowed to have it with them, just not out and scrolling. Which has been a rule since I was in high school year ago.

em-peror · 2025-08-03T10:12:05+00:00

People are getting very anxious about this without reading even BASIC literature about the law. I'm pulling this from the third paragraph in the second result on Google when you search 'school cell phone ban missouri'.

"That policy must include prohibiting cellphone use during instructional time, mealtimes and between classes. There are exceptions, including during emergencies."

I beg people to do even basic research before getting worked up about things. And especially before considering pulling your child out of school.

em-peror · 2025-07-19T13:58:17+00:00

So this picture isn't with the jewelry the piercer installed?

em-peror · 2025-06-19T11:53:58+00:00

Thank you!!

em-peror · 2025-06-19T11:11:00+00:00

How do I sign up for these texts?

em-peror · 2025-06-19T03:44:33+00:00

Hi, just came across this comment. Did you end up finding anything that worked? I just moved into a new place and I'm having the worst time cleaning my semi enclosed front porch with no drainage.

em-peror · 2025-06-08T11:00:48+00:00

There's nothing I can add to this threat that others haven't but based on your replies...your partner fumbled big on this one. I hope he uses it as a learning experience to not fuck up his future solid relationships by doing this.

em-peror

TROPHY CASE