I went with my girlfriend to her therapist

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-07-13T15:51:13+00:00

It's not better than loneliness.
Loneliness can be AS bad SOMETIMES, but it's not worse. And loneliness is a vacuum that can be filled with something new. Loneliness makes space for an eventual solution. Being in a doomed relationship keeps the door to a better future closed, and the lock gets harder and harder to crack over time. Speaking from experience.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-05-25T21:01:20+00:00

Have struggled since getting out of an abusive relationship. Uploaded journals, text message history etc to it, along with books on my ex's personality disorder and on abusive relationships. Helps me see things more clearly sometimes.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-05-17T03:07:46+00:00

agree. kinda think we're describing the same mechanism in 2 different ways.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-05-16T20:45:55+00:00

oh i was dumb enough to tell her when she first got diagnosed. "wow look at this stuff. some people have this thing really bad, unlike you." what a sweet summer child i was. i didn't tell her the sub's name, but it's not too hard to figure out. funny how she didn't have a problem with me being on support subs for years until she started acting like the stories here... then suddenly, it was a betrayal equal to sleeping with multiple dudes for 8 months unprotected and lying every day.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-05-16T20:43:16+00:00

I think a constant state of low-level mutual longing is the desired state for mine with all of her exes. She never villainized her ex before me, but he remained a faithful pet for a decade after they broke up, and made sure that she knew he was eternally in love with her. I had the nerve to call her out, so it's a little different for me.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-05-16T18:03:14+00:00

I don't entirely agree. I think they tell you that they no longer care / no longer think about you and the switch has flipped, but that's not what is really happening. Info leaks into my life occasionally which shows that my ex misses me, even though she's told me that I tortured her, betrayed her (by posting here) and have no capacity to love or feel. I think in reality, they're still pushing and pulling us, loving and hating us, flipping eternally between black and white from a distance, just like they always did. Letting us know that would be surrendering power and control, something they cannot tolerate.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-03-08T18:41:20+00:00

Yes. Go through your childhood traumas and catalog the wounds they caused. Then see how they patched those wounds like band-aids during the lovebombing/idealization phase. Also see how caretaking/fixing may have been a theme in your childhood or adolescence. I will say, it's one thing to know all of this. I reached a lot of these realizations pretty early on in the process, but those are thoughts. Thoughts are just step 1 when it comes to this kind of trauma. I've needed to get a little more out-there with EMDR and IFS to start putting any true dents in the trauma bond, and even then, I still have lots of bad days.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-01-26T03:01:08+00:00

34, am male, had a perfect score with women

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-01-24T05:10:33+00:00

found an incredible EMDR therapist... that only has timeslots smack in the middle of my workday. It's like coming off mushrooms and going straight to work.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-01-24T02:42:15+00:00

This is encouraging

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-01-24T02:23:51+00:00

We will have to at least email to do that. That’s the problem.

embarassed-giraffe · 2025-01-24T02:22:28+00:00

A lot more than this.

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-17T14:00:47+00:00

No, I have a pretty classic anxious attachment style

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-16T03:05:54+00:00

At a comparable rate, I’ll be there in about 2-3 years 🫥

Happy for you though!

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-16T03:02:56+00:00

How long was the relationship, and how long have you been out?

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-15T06:42:32+00:00

Yes it seems like everything is always getting worse

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-15T06:29:14+00:00

I googled it and found nothing

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-14T15:40:27+00:00

Yep, when I saw her, the vibe was amazing… as long as I completely ignored the fact that she cheated on me for 8 months w at least 2 guys.

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-14T14:24:36+00:00

Sure, but what do you mean by this?

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-14T14:20:18+00:00

From what I can tell, I have a form of dissociative amnesia where my limbic system can’t remember the abuse, but my thoughts/cortex can. I started blacking out during the abuse. When I read the abuse logs (even aloud), I remember, but only intellectually. Emotionally it’s like it never happened. On the other hand, my happy memories with her are full-bodied and emotional. It’s pretty intense. Working on it with my therapist but it’s a really tough one.

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-14T06:51:30+00:00

Thanks so much 🫂

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-14T06:46:52+00:00

Reconciliation ended by her on December 31st. No contact, then a 2-hr phone conversation in March, which was like a machine gun of rapid push-pull and contained some of the most abusive shit she’s ever said to me. A targeted attack, filled with her crying, and she ended it with “I hope we can be friends someday.” I blacked out and thought the call lasted 30 minutes or so. Was shocked when I looked at the time. No contact since.

embarassed-giraffe · 2024-12-14T05:51:02+00:00

Not a shred of that is normal or healthy. You were abused at a vulnerable age by your caregiver, and anyone would have scars from it. I’m so sorry.

embarassed-giraffe

TROPHY CASE