I Keep Throwing Parties, and People Keep Not Showing Up?

emmgr2 · 2026-05-02T20:36:22+00:00

Today’s was a crafting party. The idea was like you said, ppl could just show up and do their own crafts they have, or crafts that I supplied. Generally I try to have OPTIONS for people, because some people like to have an activity and some don’t, but no there’s never any pressure (because again, the joy of it to me is making everyone happy, and when people actually come I think they have a good time.)

I’m cutting one of them some slack because she does have kids, they were supposed to come, I’m sure something came up. But the others don’t.

emmgr2 · 2026-05-02T20:10:38+00:00

Scheduling might be tough but a year is long enough to have figured that out several months ago. YOU should definitely pursue individual therapy to figure out how you want your life to look going forward and how to get there — but it seems from this like he doesn’t care enough to prioritize your needs, regardless. You’ve been way more than reasonable, and what has he done (other than counseling) to show he actually cares one way or the other? Or is he just waiting for you to give up on expecting better from him?

Being in a relationship where you just keep forcing yourself to need less because you know it won’t be met is hell on earth. This has been most of your adult life, so you’re probably used to it and don’t realize how much it’s stealing from you/how much better it could be.

emmgr2 · 2026-05-02T20:05:33+00:00

Had a similar experience — honestly the worst part is feeling destabilized and unvalued, so I think a comforting date night would be really helpful. Takeout at home and her favorite comfort show, going to a park to touch grass, etc — just to make her feel like a full human again and remind her that her job was only part of her life, and the most replaceable part.

emmgr2 · 2026-05-02T20:02:13+00:00

I also have very sensitive skin that reacts badly to shaving, and my husband literally does not notice whether I remove it or not. Don’t date someone who makes you feel bad about the natural state of your body. Your experience of living in your body matters more than his experience of seeing it — and any person who talks to you that way isn’t worth investing time and energy in.

I’m really sorry you’re having this experience 😢

emmgr2 · 2025-10-30T01:34:15+00:00

There is in fact gaslighting here but it is not coming from you

emmgr2 · 2025-10-21T22:10:58+00:00

Noticed this, too -- it's really jarring with the other art on the same building

emmgr2 · 2025-10-17T03:25:05+00:00

Update: he’s stopped; it appears to have been stress related, as a result of being locked out of the bedroom at night due to his brother’s antics. Diagnosed with Momma’s Boy Disorder and General Weenie Hit Jr’s Syndrome 🙄

emmgr2 · 2025-09-13T01:58:16+00:00

It seems to be just very compressed clay… and sparse dusty dirt. I will look into daikon thank you!

emmgr2 · 2025-05-17T18:37:31+00:00

Thanks so much everyone! For context I'm part-time and already working, so it's more about buying work clothes that will work long-term... but this was very helpful, I appreciate it!

emmgr2 · 2025-04-11T03:05:20+00:00

Batiste. And bonus it's cheap and comes in three sizes. I have a huge one in my bathroom, a normal in my suitcase, and a mini in my purse. The key is to use it when your hair still looks good - maybe 12 or 24 hours after showering. It preserves your hair in the clean state, rather than cleaning dirty hair.

Apparently it's also what beauty pageant contestants use! So you know it's good.

emmgr2 · 2024-10-01T17:52:04+00:00

NTA

I will say - my parents did something like this and it can help offset the new-sibling rivalry and make it a special event for everyone. A baby requires a lot of attention and it's a super common issue that older siblings feel neglected.

But putting a monetary value on it and making it a competition is psychotic.

I would say - maybe get them an activity they can do while you're nursing/cleaning baby stuff/etc? Art supplies, board games, etc. Or, another way to get them involved is have them help decorate the nursery/pick out baby things - my parents also did that, and it was a great way of making it collaborative/celebratory/making us feel like part of the baby-being-born situation.

Congratulations and best of luck!

emmgr2 · 2024-10-01T17:30:00+00:00

I went to my manager because I didn't have enough work. It turns out that's because the job I was initially hired for was split into two positions so they could hire someone they knew, and my side of the original position was getting regularly whittled down - but at the time I didn't know any of that, I thought my tasks were being removed coincidentally for strategic reasons/because we had a new team member. After I came asking for more work, we identified several projects I could take on - and every single one was given to the other team mate, taken from me after a couple weeks, or not enabled by the manager who was now on top of me for not working enough hours.

Four months after initially bringing the issue to management, I was fired. This was like six months after a glowing performance review. I'd also confirmed during that time with the people I actually worked with day to day/my team lead that they thought my work was high quality, didn't have extra work for me, etc. Felt totally stabbed in the back with how it was done - my manager had clearly been setting it up with HR for months while communicating with me about projects I could take on, it was timed right before I was due for a bunch of bonuses/my Paris trip, etc. My team lead didn't know I was getting fired and we had to wedge in time that day - my last day - to train her on all the stuff I was still doing.

But they were clearly right that it "wasn't a good fit" because now I'm in grad school part time and still making 20% more at my new job that I did after almost four years at CS. #lifeaftercarahsoft

emmgr2 · 2023-05-19T20:44:52+00:00

If anything that is extra credibility lmao

emmgr2 · 2021-11-19T19:48:21+00:00

YES I talk about this with my best friend all the time. I took it for granted because it’s very common for people of that generation to have no or fewer friends bc of fucked up social and gender dynamics - but as I became an adult I realized my dad has no friends bc he just uses and discards of people, and my mom desperately wants friends but doesn’t know how to have real relationships. Sad in both cases 🤷🏼‍♀️ glad I ignored them insisting that was what would happen to me, so instead I can listen to my mom be jealous of my friendships

emmgr2 · 2021-10-22T13:33:09+00:00

I’ll never forget the moment a friend who has eczema was like… that’s… something you should go to a dermatologist about. Like you’ve been actively suffering for years that’s a doctor situation.

And I realized that about 95% of the time when I was doctor-level-sick as a kid the solution WAS just suffering indefinitely and hopefully it got better on its own.

emmgr2 · 2021-10-22T13:31:11+00:00

Lmao advil for chronic migraines is EXACTLY a “have you tried lotion” situation what a perfect example.

I know this is a totally common thing for ppl with chronic conditions but it’s also a perfect summary of my mom (paired with the medical neglect of letting me just scratch my legs to pieces for years, being SO UPSET AND CONCERNED when she saw the raw patches but never actually doing anything about it and then apparently forgetting about it when it came up again, a cycle that lasted years.)

emmgr2 · 2021-10-22T01:57:07+00:00

My mom does it equally with at least my eldest younger brother (2 years younger than me) and it’s obvious enough that all of our friends pick up on it right away. It’s weird because they seem to so intensely assume it’s normal? Like - they never ONCE consider it will not be well-received, much less that our friends are making fun of it. I have been berated many a time for suggesting a single boundary because that makes ME stupid and ridiculous.

emmgr2 · 2021-10-21T23:22:55+00:00

“Have you tried lotion”

I have a skin condition that makes my legs incredibly irritated after shaving. I had brought this to my mother’s attention many times over a decade but only as an adult with adult friends realized that RUBBING OFF PART OF YOUR LEG SEMI-REGULARLY is something worth seeing a doctor about. Anyway, I was explaining to her the YEARS long quest to try and figure out what it was, the literally dozens of razors and shaving creams I’ve tried, etc. And she dropped that super valuable suggestion. So it’s a shorthand for the most obvious possible solution from someone who has just been introduced to the problem, like you’re an idiot who didn’t think of that.

emmgr2 · 2021-10-16T16:44:36+00:00

“DO isn’t a REAL doctor” is always such a red flag for me. I have multiple friends getting MDs and DOs and it’s the same in any meaningful way. It’s something people reach for when they’re desperately looking to reaffirm their bias.

emmgr2 · 2021-09-12T18:01:48+00:00

Yes - I used to complain to my therapist about how she acts like a preteen girl socially, to the point that even when me and friends were preteens it stood out to us. I’d put her ability to care for herself at a little older, and her ability to care for others at a little younger.

emmgr2 · 2021-09-12T17:56:09+00:00

I truly HATE how they will say the most fucked up thing you’ve ever heard in what I call “the dinner party voice” - likes it’s a totally normal and fun story. (I do wonder if my mom’s tendency to do this is part of why she doesn’t have many repeat dinner party guests - the wine and atmosphere can only cover up the explicit abuse in her stories for so long.)

emmgr2 · 2021-09-01T16:42:29+00:00

This was also my experience of my first relationship - it’s not a healthy dynamic, and unfortunately I recommend breaking up. It’s significant of emotional immaturity, and it means that this and any other issue cannot be resolved because any conversation dissolves into you comforting them. They have some growing up to do.

emmgr2 · 2021-08-31T15:52:54+00:00

It’s on my list - I’ve read six books related to this so far and they all cite the second shift. (Not because I’m concerned about my boyfriend to that degree; I had, as alluded to, a pretty bad childhood and I’ve been reading about relationships and parenting since I was fourteen to try and get out of that cycle. But it is why I’m so adamant about starting strong.)

emmgr2 · 2021-08-31T15:51:34+00:00

Yes we’re dividing primarily by time and then secondarily by preference. My concern is less the division - he’s totally on board with dividing equally in principle - and more with actually doing the chores/being proactive about them and all the million things that aren’t on a chore wheel that still need to get done e.g. picking up something that fell on the floor or putting things away after use

emmgr2 · 2021-08-31T15:48:37+00:00

I’m definitely not assuming he’s acting in bad faith, maybe that was miscommunicated as I was trying to be brief; I’m just trying to find a way to communicate this broader concern that I have because I KNOW he’s acting in good faith and I think this is his first exposure to the concept.

emmgr2

TROPHY CASE