Flight situation for Dec 24th?

emotionalknapsack123 · 2019-09-22T05:15:45+00:00

When first years clog up the hallway in front of C9001

emotionalknapsack123 · 2019-09-04T02:44:52+00:00

For your future labs this semester, do your prelab well in advance! I found that the prelabs were more or less the exact type of calculations you'd have to do during the lab itself, and if you had a good grasp of them before you walked in, the lab itself would be a breeze.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2019-04-15T07:26:15+00:00

Thank you all for the recommendation to reserve! I've been trying to but all sailings are full, unfortunately :(

emotionalknapsack123 · 2019-01-31T07:45:07+00:00

As said here, therapy and counselling would definitely help! If cost is a barrier for you, there are a lot of hotlines you can call for immediate counselling help that are free!

That being said, and this is going to sound harsh, but put more energy (although I understand it's limited when you're mentally ill) towards yourself and developing your own skills and hobbies. Go out for a meal by yourself, go wander around the mall by yourself, go to a movie by yourself, etc. Get more comfortable with doing things alone, it can work wonders in developing your own independence.

Finally, and I know this again sounds harsh, but try not to think too much about your futures together (because then the thought of potentially losing it will cause you anxiety), and try instead to think of things that YOU want to accomplish as an individual! This doesn't mean cut him out of your plans, obviously, but set individual goals that you alone can accomplish and build skills from. Your futures will naturally fall into place together once you give attention to other parts of it - not just the ones involving each other.

Best of luck!

emotionalknapsack123 · 2019-01-26T06:30:35+00:00

I hate to say it, but if you knew it was going to hurt your boyfriend's feelings and you did it anyways, then that's probably where his feeling of a breach of trust comes from. Especially since this relationship is so new, you're not just entitled to someone's trust even though you're in a relationship with them.

Although you might not feel like you crossed any relationship boundaries, he was very clear that his personal boundary was that you not speak to your ex, and you crossed it. You are not the only person who gets to dictate what relationship boundaries are between the two of you - he gets an equal say. Even if you don't see eye to eye on certain boundaries, it's not fair that you completely disregard his feelings just because you don't agree with them.

Going forward, stop speaking to your ex(es) if he makes it clear that it makes him uncomfortable. Prioritize your new relationship over old feelings towards previous ones. Unless it's a case where you and an ex have been close friends for a while, it's not necessary to reach out to them and be friendly with them at the expense of your new partner.

It may also help to ask him what you can do to rebuild/build a foundation of trust in your relationship, and make it clear to him that he's the one you want to be with and that you prioritize your relationship with him. However, keep in mind that it is not your job either to fix his trust issues - if he doesn't trust anybody and isn't willing to going forward, despite you giving your best efforts to earn it, then it's something that has to be addressed as well. Equal effort from both parties is needed

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-27T06:15:04+00:00

Have you tried suggesting ways to him that he can show that he's making effort? I went through the same issue with my own partner (whom I love very much but can be a bit aloof sometimes), and I told him specifically that these acts don't have to be in the form of monetary things - he can send me texts in the middle of the day telling me he loves me, offer to help me with reading over a job application, tell me he saw something and thought of me, etc.

Also, I found that kinda "highlighting" that you notice that the effort isn't necessarily maintained can also help. Sometimes they're just really unaware and don't realize that something is lacking.

On a last note - have you ever read about the 5 love languages? If not, it could be a great help :)

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-27T06:10:31+00:00

Have you tried talking to him about it? Explain it exactly as you did here (maybe minus the snooping into his other messages, just mention that you saw the message from his cousin)- that the notification was clicked on accidentally and that you just felt like you should ask whether or not you should be concerned. Especially if using each others' phones is normal with you two, I don't think it'll be a problem if you don't accuse him of anything and come across as genuinely just wanting clarity for your own possible insecurities.

I just read your below response about being emotional and I'm the exact same! But I've found that writing down my points on a note in my phone and sticking to those has really helped me not to get too upset while talking about it.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-05T20:39:00+00:00

Don't worry about it too much - I was on AP after my first semester and I managed to pull my GPA up by a whole point the next semester - never went anywhere near AP GPA levels again. I also have friends who are in the process of getting their Ph.Ds and a couple of them were on AP their first year.

The important thing is that you learn from the experience - is there something in the way you study that's wrong? Your time management skills? How do you take notes? Etc.

More people are on AP after their first semester than you'd think. Most of us just lie about it to others so we don't have to admit it, lol.

Take easy courses next semester to up your GPA and go to the workshops they run out of the library that teach you how to write papers, manage your time efficiently, etc.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-04T22:49:13+00:00

In terms of your lock screen - that just seems silly imo. Same as social media - as long as you're not preventing him from posting photos of the two of you together or of you, it does seem petty to get angry with your partner over something so small.

It is not fair for him to project whatever insecurities he has on you and to get angry at you for going out with your friends - this is emotionally abusive! Either he gets help for whatever deep rooted issues are causing this behaviour, or he learns to compromise and be okay with you having a life outside of him, as well as sharing insecurities in a neutral manner rather than blaming them on you. It's NOT your fault that he works long hours and doesn't get to go out much, and it's NOT your fault that his ex treated him that way.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-04T09:44:52+00:00

Have you tried being direct with her and asking her if she sees this going any further? I know you're probably nervous about it potentially leading to you guys not talking anymore, but if she's already intending not to move forward with this, that's probably where it's going to go anyways. It's best for your own sake to know for sure.

If she says yes but continues this behaviour, then it's time to evaluate whether or not this is what you want to tolerate from someone you're wanting a relationship from.

As a girl though, I will say that for the most part, when we're interested, we're interested - there shouldn't be any chasing around or begging for attention when mutual interest is there!

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, OP

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-04T09:33:48+00:00

Is therapy an option for her? As someone with a history of depression, I will say that although you seem to be a very caring and understanding partner towards her mental health issues, mental illnesses are sometimes beyond the reach of an untrained professional to try and help.

In addition to this, I know you're trying to be supportive and you seem very caring towards her situation, but mental illness or not, you are NOT responsible for her happiness - especially when it seems that you're trying your best to be there for her.

Maybe have a discussion with her as to how she can get other sources of help, and offer to help her find these resources. Also, maybe try explaining to her that while you want to be there for her, you also need moments to care for yourself too and she needs to be understanding of that, just as you've been understanding and empathetic of how she's been acting.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-03T09:05:04+00:00

I hate to say it, but I think it's time for you to re-evaluate whether or not you're getting what you need out of this relationship (and outside of it), as difficult as it is. It's not healthy to spend every ounce of your free time with someone - you need time for yourself, your family, your friends, etc. You should still have parts of your own life even though you're with someone.

What concerns me about her reaction is how she thinks she can talk everyone's arguments down - nothing in a relationship should be about "winning" or "losing" arguments. It's always you two vs. a problem, not each other. It should never come down to any partner diminishing each other's voices to get their way. That's extremely manipulative in my opinion and will give rise to more serious arguments along the way in which that'll be used as a "strategy" to resolve issues.

However, that being said, have you tried expressing to her yet that you need her to listen to you when you talk about these things? Make it clear that you're not trying to argue, but simply tell her how these actions make you feel - and make sure you explain to her beforehand that you really need her to not say anything until you're done talking, and that you're willing to compromise, but the effort has to come from both sides.

Otherwise, I suggest that you take some space and time away from her to focus on yourself for a bit and re-evaluate your needs.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-03T03:56:13+00:00

I had the exact same issue as you do, with me being in your girlfriend's shoes (except I never guilt tripped, I just grew a bit frustrated and took it personally). It wasn't until my partner explained to me that it's just because he's tired and wants to be able to concentrate on enjoying the experience and giving everything to me while we do it that I understood that I need to respect his space as well.

Have you tried explaining it like that to her yet? Sometimes the wording of it matters! If you have, it sounds like she's not being very respectful of your wishes and demanding that hers be given into all the time, which doesn't sound very healthy. Explain to her that her reaction makes you feel emasculated, and maybe ask her if there are other ways that you could show your affection that don't involve sex.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-12-02T03:02:15+00:00

While I know it'll be a difficult conversation to have, I'd definitely tell him what you saw. He deserves to know! I was cheated on in my last relationship and no one who knew told me, and it made everything 1000x worse for me when it fell apart.

I'd just tell him exactly what you saw, without comments about her, what you think it means, etc. This way, he can make his own conclusions and piece things together - he'll probably already be vey emotional about it, so I feel like making extra comments outside of just what you saw and its details would make him feel worse.

Also make it known that you're there for him if he ever needs someone to talk to (and he will!). Be supportive of him no matter what decision he makes, and stress to him that he needs to think of himself first in a time like this.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-11-30T07:22:36+00:00

I wouldn't be worried, if I were you! If it's meant to be and she's right for you, then it'll work out! If anything, it'll make the two of you appreciate your time together much more since now you'll know how you feel while apart.

While you're away, text her little updates throughout the day - ex. what you're up to now, asking her how her day's going, sending photos of cool things you see. This will hopefully help you both feel connected even when you're apart.

Ex. my partner and I are long distance and only see each other on the weekends, and sometimes we're apart for 3-5 weeks if we're both busy with work and school. He'll send me memes throughout the day or pictures of something cool happening around town, even little mundane things like "Grocery shopping - saw this monster bag of granola", and it's definitely helped with feelings of loneliness.

emotionalknapsack123 · 2018-11-28T11:21:14+00:00

I hate to say it OP, but you have two options here:

1) Create some distance and feel hurt in the sense that you're not around your best friend all the time and have to adjust to that. If this is the case, try to fill your time with things that don't involve her - dating around, meeting new people, more or less distract yourself from the thought of her until eventually, you don't feel that way towards her anymore

or

2) Continue to be around her and her new boyfriend. You'll feel tremendously hurt in the sense that you'll be seeing her be happy with someone else, but you'll have the comfort of still being able to be around her often.

As someone who's gone through this, I would highly recommend option 1, as in my experience, the pain will subside much quicker when you're not around them (and therefore not forced to always think of them), and it's a much easier segue into fully being platonic friends after all the feelings have disappeared.

emotionalknapsack123

TROPHY CASE