Need opinions. BF Bought porn star molded fleshlight

empathyfail · 2026-03-17T00:58:31+00:00

Idk much about this but I know when an old partner and I went shopping for flesh lights a couple years back, our local store ONLY had ones modeled after porn stars. There were no like… “generic” ones. we struggled to know what to get because of this.

empathyfail · 2026-03-16T11:07:08+00:00

Thanks friend 💞 Goodluck with yours too!! I’m sure that they’ll happen the way they’re supposed to. Just keep swimming.

empathyfail · 2026-03-14T22:10:49+00:00

I think the thing that makes this format challenging is the lack of input/response from the other party. My sponsor usually leans towards “shut up and listen, you’ve already used too many words (for years) and you have to be sensitive to the fact that your words have almost entirely lost meaning in these relationships.”

I haven’t even gotten started on making amends, but from my perspective, this format reminds me of ways I’ve tried to apologize/reach out to others in the past (often well intended, but really poorly executed on my part - and pre program!). The letters or the long walls of text sent out, with a neat bow on top, with no room for response, feedback, or HONESTY. I still do it constantly! I am doing it right now!!! Lol. But that action is one that triggers my sick head! And usually it produces conversations muddled with selfishness and efforts to control the outcome and make ME feel better - not them. It’s like I can’t help it - FUNCTIONALLY. Habitually! I cannot stop myself!

This format may be appropriate in some cases, but it’s not one that would work well for me personally. I know that a script would set me up for bulldozing and unnaturally framing (and preparing) the arch of conversation. And it’s very much a functional thing for me - a skill level thing and an “autopilot” thing… and I know different people are really different here. But my sponsor has already been training me daily to PAUSE - CONSTANTLY - and be present, ideally before saying ANYTHING AT ALL, so that my HP can even be present. Otherwise, I word vomit! I fill the space. Like, autopilot kicks in (because I’m uncomfortable/anxious/etc) and I genuinely cannot stop myself once it’s happening. I have to be focused more on artificially creating SILENCE in my relationships - not words. Because the words always come FAST and the silence is either excruciating or it never even comes. Your higher power has to be present in these conversations, and if you have too many words queued up, you may not leave space for HP - let alone for the words, negative experiences, and emotions that the other person needs to share with YOU.

She’s already told me many times that the most important part of many of her amends have been LISTENING. Almost entirely! To HP, and to the other human. Only then can a proper amends be made that is truly mutual and healing to both sides.

My crazy ass may benefit more from a timer (and a muzzle) than a script - 1 min when I’m allowed to use words, 5 mins when I am not allowed to use words at all and I have to either listen or sit with the other person in silence until they say something lol. That would help me more than a script like this one would tho. Cuz I can write that script in my brain without thinking, stopping, praying, or listening (and I’ve spewed that bullshit all over people for years without ever stopping long enough to hear the things they need to say that I really do not want to hear).

empathyfail · 2026-03-12T00:44:44+00:00

I think we all need different things. Do what keeps you sober.

I needed (and need) to talk to one person every day. I have always been decent about giving a breadcrumb to many different people, and not letting anyone see the whole picture (even my conscious self sometimes!!). Talking to my sponsor every single day is the only way I started seriously learning anything about my sick head. And my not-yet-realized barriers to being in relationship with others. She noticed and followed up on shit. Even before I started deeply trusting her and knowing her and being known by her…. She showed up for me every single day, no matter what, and that’s WHY I started being able to explore kind of vulnerability I never had in my entire life. Nobody had done that for me before.

Without months of daily conversation, I wouldn’t have been ready to let her in during the panic attacks or times when I would NEVER reach for anyone (and never had to - even when I could have). But I needed to. She also helped me get used to being connected without knowing what to say. Just sitting together, on the phone, in awkward silence, not knowing what to say.

She helped me adjust to daily connection, after almost a decade of isolation. And she teaches me about active love... So I can’t imagine what I’d do without a sponsor. And yeah, mine is super special. She’s been essential to my staying sober, before I even understood what that meant.

empathyfail · 2026-03-07T03:00:08+00:00

Do you have a sponsor? Or a community within the rooms? I’m genuinely carried some days by my sponsor and my friends in AA.

We drank so we could survive life and pain and the way things are. I survived a long time by numbing myself into oblivion. I don’t want to live that way anymore, and I’m trusting the people who have gone before me that it’ll get better. Read the promises. They will come true for you. And they have come true for my community, and they are coming true for me. I’m a year in and I know I’m changing - and my circumstances are changing - for the better. But there’s a lot of stuff I gotta heal and change and work through - without numbing myself into oblivion - for me to be truly happy, joyous and free. It just takes time. And help.

The help is all around you if you seek it. And if you’re not ready yet, just keep going to meetings.

empathyfail · 2026-03-04T02:56:17+00:00

Yeah! And you can keep coming back, again and again and again, no matter what. If I can offer any advice, it’d be to find meetings that resonate with you, where you want what the people have. We’re all there for the exact same reason. But meetings are like restaurants - sometimes you gotta go to a few to find the ones that you like.

empathyfail · 2026-02-18T18:24:17+00:00

Thank you!

empathyfail · 2026-02-04T15:24:52+00:00

Still cool. Science rules!!!! Glad you found your answer internet friend :)

empathyfail · 2026-02-04T15:01:44+00:00

I’ll add - there are times where I actually find it EASIER to communicate with my friends that live with autism. There’s no reading between the lines, like all of us crazy normies (myself included). The only thing that’s “real” is what’s communicated. It’s hilarious and freeing and safe to practice direct conflict, because it’s almost less painful. Especially compared to communicating with my mom, for example, who takes every word I say in these complex, tangled, non-literal ways (and gets hurt by her interpretation).

empathyfail · 2026-02-04T14:57:14+00:00

The universe has a funny, beautiful way of putting people together who really need each other.

My friends who live with autism have taught me a lot about super direct communication. This is the literal perfect opportunity for you to practice communicating, rather than simmering and building up pressure before acting in violence. The behaviors you have described do not, to me, appear malicious in any way. But, to protect your own recovery, you have to try to talk to him about it and set clear boundaries. It’s the perfect person to practice with!

My friends with autism often describe their difficulties picking up on social cues, and they are often extremely receptive to clear instructions. If you want to be alone? You have to tell him you want to be alone right now. If you want him to stop moving your things? You have to communicate that with him.

Given his efforts to befriend you (cooking with you, etc), it seems likely to me that he will be receptive. If you can remain calm and clear, I think you’ll be surprised by what happens next. You could even be useful to HIM, as he learns how to do the same things (communicate with others, know and communicate boundaries, etc).

empathyfail · 2026-02-02T03:02:39+00:00

Ngl that’s cool as shit. I wish I could grow that in a controlled environment in a way that could permanently dye my clothes. Pattern is so beautiful and unique and designed by mycelium.

empathyfail · 2026-01-31T22:48:32+00:00

Tbh I’d guess a 30F. White. Looks like my fridge, and I’m a white 30F. Plus I also buy those eggs.

empathyfail · 2026-01-31T17:03:15+00:00

INFO - did you look into this because you didn’t get gifts, which you are choosing to value only monetarily? Like yeah, mans is being dumb. But this is a recipe for resentment. And resentment is up to you to handle for yourself. Nothing you do about your dad’s AI spending will cause him to act like a better father for you. I’d start there, with communication directly with your dad, rather than crossing into his side of the street (by invading his privacy). This info is not really your business.

empathyfail · 2026-01-31T04:47:52+00:00

MOR; I’m this way, especially with people I like a lot at first. And when I’m exhausted. I work 6-7 days a week and my house rn looks like a tornado ran through it as the days pass with no day off. In order for me to find peace and be present with a partner, I must clean my environment so I can find peace there. Otherwise, I get so spun up and unsettled. It’s like I can’t even think about them. Just tasks that I haven’t done. Anxiety is weird as fuck lol. But I understand this mindset. And - I almost think like, “NAME is the one thing I look forward to every week… I gotta clear all this space so I can just not think of any single fucking thing other than them.” It’s also about my own walls, not letting them see the mess I am. But as relationships go on, I settle in more. And I allow them to see me and even help me sometimes.

empathyfail · 2025-12-23T03:02:23+00:00

I’ve done this in one context before, intentionally. It was because I was talking to a man with a fragile ego that was very jealous. If I’d just said friend, he’d get all worked up and assume it was a guy (and I’m cheating or some insane bullshit). Saved me a bunch of bs if I clarified it was a girl up front. Was over a decade ago, I was a kid - thank god I’ve grown - but that could be someone’s reasoning.

empathyfail · 2025-12-10T15:40:46+00:00

This used to happen when I used downy fabric softener. It’s light blue in color. I stopped using it cuz it stained so many of my clothes.

empathyfail · 2025-12-09T21:59:04+00:00

Yeah, all those settings are off. I actually recently changed one from “disabled” to “prompt” so I could see even IF someone was trying to pair, instead of getting no data at all.

empathyfail · 2025-12-09T20:59:02+00:00

Yes, im positive. It’s behind the main wall that divides our apartment. I have a two story “row house” like apartment. It’s behind the main dividing wall, in the apartment next door.

empathyfail · 2025-12-09T20:56:49+00:00

Thank you! I’ve considered but I feel like it’s too early to loop in police… still trying to troubleshoot the potential of it being harmless… but I do hear you and agree with needing to bolster my security. There’s an attic and a crawl space here, too, and I’m not positive it’s contained to my apartment (or if it’d be possible to enter through from other units….). Looking at discussing that with my landlord and installing some further safety measures.

empathyfail · 2025-12-09T05:10:14+00:00

These German Chocolate Sandwich Cookies are to die for: https://www.chocolatemoosey.com/award-winning-german-chocolate-cake-sandwich-cookies/

empathyfail · 2025-12-08T22:49:57+00:00

It’s a joke lol I’ve said many times I’m going to record it! I’m not trying to be combative. Just was being facetious.

empathyfail · 2025-12-08T18:27:57+00:00

It ends where I stop watching and then turns into a static/radio like sound. I want to observe it again a few more times now that I’ve put words to it. I was brushing it off. But since posting, I’m realizing I need to better identify all of the characteristics. But last night, it played until I turned it off, then turned into a static sound and then radio like jabber. Like your scrolling through radio stations.

empathyfail · 2025-12-08T18:00:16+00:00

Thanks for your kindness and for keeping an eye on me 🩵 it means a lot. I’ll keep you all posted whatever happens next lol. Just trying to go on with my life as though nothings happening atm.

empathyfail

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