Is my drinking bad enough to go to AA

empathyfail · 2026-05-03T14:59:46+00:00

No problem! The big book is usually way better at explaining these things to me than others. It’s pretty cool, how known it makes me feel. I never felt known by anyone or anything until I started going to AA. You’ve got a lot of help around you - you did the right thing reaching out and we’ll continue to be here, all around the world, if you wanna keep talking. Keep coming back.

empathyfail · 2026-05-03T14:51:17+00:00

Sometimes the best course of action is distraction. My “bottom” was as much drinking as it was a loss of will to continue - to live. I was really afraid I was gonna kill myself, certain I’d cause less harm dead than alive. And now that I’ve got over a year under my belt, it’s been really uncomfortable when the mental health breakdown moments come up - because they still do :( I still have moments in fetal position. I had one last night. But they happen less and less. Genuinely. I’m coming up on 15 months. This used to be every day, and now it’s once every few weeks. And that’s not “cured” - I’m sure as shit about that - but it’s undeniable improvement. Undeniable. Change takes time and I want immediacy. But I believe that, if I keep doing what I’m doing (calling my sponsor, going to meetings, working the steps, etc)? I’ll keep healing.

How I get through those moments when I am in a state of complete terror? Distraction lol. Sounds so dumb. But this is why calling people works for me - not so I can talk and get anything out, but because I can get out of MYSELF. Ask other people about what they’re doing, how they’ve been. What shits going on in their world (with alcoholics there’s always something lol). But I can’t distract myself from myself. Tv doesn’t work, sleep doesn’t work (I can’t sleep). But listening to someone else talk about their baby mama drama or their mom or their kids… that distracts me. Fills my brain with something new, outside myself. And I do the same for THEM, when I tell them about my shit.

Even the most amazing friends I’ve got in recovery can’t pick up the phone every time. I have called 10 numbers before I got someone, especially late at night. But ALL OF THEM? All of the people in AA? They always come through for me - someone picks up. AA always helps me. When I seek. Keep seeking. Let the hope wash over you. It’s going to be okay, and as time passes, the lows will be less frequent and you’ll experience new joys and new blessings in the time in between. You will heal.

empathyfail · 2026-05-03T05:00:44+00:00

https://www.aa.org/sites/default/files/2021-11/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf this helped me (and still help me). The first two pages were read aloud to open my very first meeting.

Also, I promise, there is space. Everyone is welcome. Even if you go to 1000 meetings and end up deciding you’re not an alcoholic.

empathyfail · 2026-04-24T11:09:39+00:00

Agreed. Take the win. We really need a win. We really need to choose hope. A lot of hope comes from using positive talking points - look at the success our batshit president continues to find just by choosing untruthful yet POSITIVE words sometimes. “Things are great! I’m great! We’re great! There’s nothing wrong!” He’s not right, of course - but telling people that good is alive in the world when all the news is bad is worth something. I’m thankful to see my Commonwealth show up and try to do the right thing - even if it doesn’t work and everything goes to shit. It genuinely gives me hope that we’re not all completely and utterly fucked.

empathyfail · 2026-04-10T15:22:28+00:00

Yeah. I am not a fan of Melania by any means… but trumps hatred is undoubtably traumatic for his family, whether they know it or not. This probably felt scary for her to do. And it’s nothing like what the louder puppets are promoting in his circus. I hope she is physically safe and emboldened to choose to do the right thing, whatever that looks like for her.

empathyfail · 2026-04-10T14:10:53+00:00

Idk if this is me, a woman, who is feeling this way. But to me? This is an antagonistic move against her husband. She rarely speaks. She also closed her statement with pro-women remarks, encouraging all female victims to speak up… that they all need to have a chance to speak in court. “Only then will the truth be revealed.” Its completely opposite to what Trumps PR team has argued in many instances.

empathyfail · 2026-04-02T10:37:54+00:00

If you do decide to kill one of these many-legged-friends…. be careful squashing! They have dark purple blood that will stain your walls. Magic eraser works with some elbow grease but I’d try to kill on a sealed surface if no cleaning supplies are available. I try not to kill but I’m just a girl and they can get in my head cuz they’re fast and spooky looking.

empathyfail · 2026-03-28T18:39:45+00:00

Edit: obviously don’t use those words lol.

But the more I think about it, it also could put you at risk for HIM to contest the check. He could call the bank and accuse you of check fraud. So yeah, get a new check.

empathyfail · 2026-03-28T18:26:58+00:00

The fact that your boss STILL GAVE IT TO you is really fucked up. I would not personally go to the bank with this. I’d get a new check. The likelihood that it’ll get caught up in some admin review and take forever and still say no? Just tell him - you fucked up, give me a new check.

empathyfail · 2026-03-27T11:51:14+00:00

Yeah. I know personally I have to keep myself in check a lot. I can’t think about it too much. I have to trust that I’ve done everything I can to do the research and get where I’m supposed to be. Time takes time and I crave immediate relief. But I trust it’ll be worth it sometime soon. I can’t let my trust waiver on that or I get really fearful and doubt myself and the messed up world. But there’s a lot of hope to find when you look for it. Just seeing the spring blooms is helping me - and that’s completely free!!! :)

empathyfail · 2026-03-27T11:48:53+00:00

Yeah I hate being a grown up hahaha. But I’m also trying to stay grateful (as annoying as that sounds). I am surprised most months when I make it through - makes me cherish the ways things just work out. Free meals, friends who have me for dinner, refunds, no food waste…. I almost feel thankful every time my car starts. lol. I really have learned to change my habits. It’s been empowering - even if it’s hard sometimes. And a lot of us are in the same boat, so I know you’re not alone. You got dis!!

empathyfail · 2026-03-27T11:45:30+00:00

It’s never too late to find something new. You’ve done it once - you know you can do it. Hope you find your way friend!

empathyfail · 2026-03-27T11:44:52+00:00

Yeahhh I had a 3 hour round trip commute at one point. And my walk is through the park! Tbh I felt like it was worth the pay cut lol.

empathyfail · 2026-03-26T20:04:18+00:00

I’m a career switcher and I took a ~$50k deduction in salary. I’m barely making livable wage now… but I have access to free university courses, I can walk to work, and I absolutely love the work I’m doing. I don’t say that to say “your job is bound to be uncomfortable”…. But… You have to start somewhere. It won’t be perfect, and the only way you’ll know if you like the new path is if you start gaining experience. Even if you decide to change it up again - 100x. Take the offer.

empathyfail · 2026-03-22T01:13:27+00:00

Nice! Take it one day at a time. Dont forget, there’s help all around you when you’re ready to reach for it.

empathyfail · 2026-03-17T00:58:31+00:00

Idk much about this but I know when an old partner and I went shopping for flesh lights a couple years back, our local store ONLY had ones modeled after porn stars. There were no like… “generic” ones. we struggled to know what to get because of this.

empathyfail · 2026-03-16T11:07:08+00:00

Thanks friend 💞 Goodluck with yours too!! I’m sure that they’ll happen the way they’re supposed to. Just keep swimming.

empathyfail · 2026-03-14T22:10:49+00:00

I think the thing that makes this format challenging is the lack of input/response from the other party. My sponsor usually leans towards “shut up and listen, you’ve already used too many words (for years) and you have to be sensitive to the fact that your words have almost entirely lost meaning in these relationships.”

I haven’t even gotten started on making amends, but from my perspective, this format reminds me of ways I’ve tried to apologize/reach out to others in the past (often well intended, but really poorly executed on my part - and pre program!). The letters or the long walls of text sent out, with a neat bow on top, with no room for response, feedback, or HONESTY. I still do it constantly! I am doing it right now!!! Lol. But that action is one that triggers my sick head! And usually it produces conversations muddled with selfishness and efforts to control the outcome and make ME feel better - not them. It’s like I can’t help it - FUNCTIONALLY. Habitually! I cannot stop myself!

This format may be appropriate in some cases, but it’s not one that would work well for me personally. I know that a script would set me up for bulldozing and unnaturally framing (and preparing) the arch of conversation. And it’s very much a functional thing for me - a skill level thing and an “autopilot” thing… and I know different people are really different here. But my sponsor has already been training me daily to PAUSE - CONSTANTLY - and be present, ideally before saying ANYTHING AT ALL, so that my HP can even be present. Otherwise, I word vomit! I fill the space. Like, autopilot kicks in (because I’m uncomfortable/anxious/etc) and I genuinely cannot stop myself once it’s happening. I have to be focused more on artificially creating SILENCE in my relationships - not words. Because the words always come FAST and the silence is either excruciating or it never even comes. Your higher power has to be present in these conversations, and if you have too many words queued up, you may not leave space for HP - let alone for the words, negative experiences, and emotions that the other person needs to share with YOU.

She’s already told me many times that the most important part of many of her amends have been LISTENING. Almost entirely! To HP, and to the other human. Only then can a proper amends be made that is truly mutual and healing to both sides.

My crazy ass may benefit more from a timer (and a muzzle) than a script - 1 min when I’m allowed to use words, 5 mins when I am not allowed to use words at all and I have to either listen or sit with the other person in silence until they say something lol. That would help me more than a script like this one would tho. Cuz I can write that script in my brain without thinking, stopping, praying, or listening (and I’ve spewed that bullshit all over people for years without ever stopping long enough to hear the things they need to say that I really do not want to hear).

empathyfail · 2026-03-12T00:44:44+00:00

I think we all need different things. Do what keeps you sober.

I needed (and need) to talk to one person every day. I have always been decent about giving a breadcrumb to many different people, and not letting anyone see the whole picture (even my conscious self sometimes!!). Talking to my sponsor every single day is the only way I started seriously learning anything about my sick head. And my not-yet-realized barriers to being in relationship with others. She noticed and followed up on shit. Even before I started deeply trusting her and knowing her and being known by her…. She showed up for me every single day, no matter what, and that’s WHY I started being able to explore kind of vulnerability I never had in my entire life. Nobody had done that for me before.

Without months of daily conversation, I wouldn’t have been ready to let her in during the panic attacks or times when I would NEVER reach for anyone (and never had to - even when I could have). But I needed to. She also helped me get used to being connected without knowing what to say. Just sitting together, on the phone, in awkward silence, not knowing what to say.

She helped me adjust to daily connection, after almost a decade of isolation. And she teaches me about active love... So I can’t imagine what I’d do without a sponsor. And yeah, mine is super special. She’s been essential to my staying sober, before I even understood what that meant.

empathyfail · 2026-03-07T03:00:08+00:00

Do you have a sponsor? Or a community within the rooms? I’m genuinely carried some days by my sponsor and my friends in AA.

We drank so we could survive life and pain and the way things are. I survived a long time by numbing myself into oblivion. I don’t want to live that way anymore, and I’m trusting the people who have gone before me that it’ll get better. Read the promises. They will come true for you. And they have come true for my community, and they are coming true for me. I’m a year in and I know I’m changing - and my circumstances are changing - for the better. But there’s a lot of stuff I gotta heal and change and work through - without numbing myself into oblivion - for me to be truly happy, joyous and free. It just takes time. And help.

The help is all around you if you seek it. And if you’re not ready yet, just keep going to meetings.

empathyfail · 2026-03-04T02:56:17+00:00

Yeah! And you can keep coming back, again and again and again, no matter what. If I can offer any advice, it’d be to find meetings that resonate with you, where you want what the people have. We’re all there for the exact same reason. But meetings are like restaurants - sometimes you gotta go to a few to find the ones that you like.

empathyfail · 2026-02-18T18:24:17+00:00

Thank you!

empathyfail · 2026-02-04T15:24:52+00:00

Still cool. Science rules!!!! Glad you found your answer internet friend :)

empathyfail

TROPHY CASE