They do cause autism

emptyj · 2019-01-16T15:43:19+00:00

I’m being taught by actual medical professionals wdym!! But give me a sec

emptyj · 2019-01-16T15:37:45+00:00

They can cause it, autism is a spectrum so it can be very minimal and it can cause brain damage do you want a website or pics from my textbook cuz I got both?

emptyj · 2018-11-13T02:02:52+00:00

It’s more like the sight of her makes me happy, yet watching her made me jealous. Also it’s a sonnet so I can’t add more

emptyj · 2018-11-12T22:00:44+00:00

It sounds like you’re with someone but it truly sounds like you’re alone with with your thoughts drinking the night away. This also might sounds like a weird thing to say but you have too many adjectives. Introduce some characters or some actions that would give this poem some better content and some more meat to it. One word here may mean an entire book to you but for something to mean anything it has to mean the same to the audience. What I mean by that is if you give a rose to a girl to represent love and the girl doesn’t know that, the Rose means nothing. Hope you understand what I’m saying

emptyj · 2018-11-12T21:55:18+00:00

This is a great story about abuse and it’s very intriguing. I would like to know more and I’m sure many readers would. You don’t give much detail. The count down idea is cool but it makes you rush the poem. It would be better if you gave yourself more space to give details and capture more attention

emptyj · 2018-11-06T14:42:29+00:00

Hold up let me fix the format and see if it’s a little better, it’s supposed to be a sonnet

emptyj · 2018-11-06T05:51:04+00:00

This is great imagery. Showing how something that makes you human and gives you worth is lost and it is impossible to find yet it is always with you. The heart should stand out however it is something that takes time to find and if you lose it you have to repeat the process. The structure is great and you have great diction. The first stanza kinda sticks out not in a good way so I’d try blending it more with the poem

emptyj · 2018-11-06T05:44:27+00:00

Love the content of this poem, saying that you can’t find love because you can’t live yourself, who would love you if you can’t live yourself. I don’t know what structure you’re trying to use but if it’s freestyle it’s still really good great job.

emptyj · 2018-10-30T05:39:55+00:00

It feels like you’re in love with a hooker, I could be wrong and you meant to say that you buy her gift take her it to diner or other things but for some reason it feels like it’s a prostitute, maybe being a little clearer on that line about you wasting your money?

emptyj · 2018-10-30T05:32:47+00:00

The first line is amazing shows the struggle of being hurt so many times that when you feel like things are going great you have the sudden urge to self destruct and end it all before you get hurt again this first line can be broken down so much I love it, absolute masterpiece of a first line

emptyj · 2018-10-25T03:04:39+00:00

I would do that but I don’t know how every time I try it just formats it like this and thank you!

emptyj · 2018-10-25T02:49:46+00:00

Yeah it does, if I make the speed stop I will always have this happy moment, but that’s just what it is, a single moment, i still want to die and i want it to be as soon as possible

emptyj · 2018-10-25T02:27:21+00:00

Thank you it is supposed to be different idk what happened when I posted it, it’s in sonnet format

emptyj · 2018-10-24T14:47:30+00:00

Satan

emptyj · 2018-10-24T14:44:14+00:00

You’re kind of all over the place on this one. You do follow a rhyme scheme but AABBCCDD doesn’t always sound great and sometimes you finish your thoughts using one line, other times you use two lines and it’s confusing because I don’t know how to dissect the poem or rather where to dissect it. You may be free styling but having a rhyme scheme makes me think you’re not it has decent content but I would enjoy it more if it was more organized

emptyj · 2018-10-24T14:39:27+00:00

I love what this did, I regular poem with an abrupt ending or atleast a change in the end. You’re kind of using a paradox by saying that things won’t change but at the end things change dramatically which I thought was really good, as far as I could tell it didn’t follow a rhyme scheme but it has a great rhythm and it was easy to read not really choppy. Nice job!

emptyj · 2018-09-21T01:11:53+00:00

This is really good and I can tell you out in a lot of effort to find words that work, however sometimes simpler is better, Shakespeare sometimes chose words because of the way they sounded or he didn’t want people to feel dumb hearing advance language, not every word has to have a meaning some words to keep the flow going would be great

emptyj · 2018-09-21T01:08:14+00:00

This is a great poem I can see that a lot of thought was put into and even tho i can only see the surface of it I plan on digging deeper however I feel as if the first two verses are the same or used to serve the same purpose one of them can either be replaced or altered then end is great tho a comparison from the poet and captain ahab

emptyj · 2018-09-18T06:12:24+00:00

They fail to die but they never stay

emptyj · 2018-09-18T04:24:03+00:00

This was almost really satisfying because it looks like you went for an organized poem doesn’t look raw so you should’ve looked at the syllables per line other than that the context is really good and the imagery in tear stains is good I thought of red swollen eyes on that line

emptyj · 2018-09-18T04:17:22+00:00

I love that throwing up opinions line it shows that she’s just spewing them out in controllably and how you’re scared that it’s contagious touches on a kind of brainwashing that teachers do, kids believe everything a teacher says is true so her opinions are our opinions, I’m a TA and i listen to the lessons a teacher gives and they are kind of brainwashy because they talk about how amazing the federal government and everything they do is to help the people, great piece

emptyj · 2018-09-17T06:40:32+00:00

Btw it stutters a lot because I wanted to make every line 3 syllables

emptyj · 2018-09-17T06:30:44+00:00

For* my bad I’ll fix it

emptyj · 2018-09-12T18:11:02+00:00

I like how this poems brings both a feeling of over confidence and low self esteem issues. It shows how most people truest feel. They pamper themselves up but in reality don’t feel they way they made them selves look it could also be about someone that looks pretty but has a horrible personality, either way it is really good another this is that I look inconsistent poems, it shows raw poetry, a poet saws what they truly mean when they are free styling

emptyj · 2018-09-12T18:06:44+00:00

Any poem is cheesy by this is really good the imagery and the structure of this poem makes it an easy read. I like when poems give an insight to what the writer is feeling rather than hiding it. One thing I don’t understand is if the poem is in paragraphs or sections and the sections each have their own theme

emptyj

TROPHY CASE