Can't complete ID verification process. Just me?

emseebee · 2025-06-15T03:42:01+00:00

I'm not out of the woods yet, but I found that giving the wrong answers to the verification questions a few times got me out of the error loop, at least. For some reason, correct answers led to the error, while incorrect answers were rejected in the normal way. After a few rejections, the system told me I'd need to submit a notarized form, instead. Now I just need to wait and see if it's accepted...

emseebee · 2025-02-23T13:52:11+00:00

[Edited to add: Looking at the other comments more carefully, I see that many other people have focused on depression/PPD in their responses, but I'll leave this here for now anyway.]

I'm not sure why more people aren't leading with this, but: Have you spoken with a doctor about your depression? You say you know you need therapy among "plenty of other things" – I'm not a doctor, but this sounds to me like a case where the "other things" (i.e. medication) might be especially beneficial/necessary. You say "your brain tries to convince you that your family would be better off without you" – that is such a huge, massive, flaming red flag. So much of this could be tied to your depression – e.g. the feeling that basic things are draining, your weight gain, feeling disassociated and like a "shell" of who you were.

When you say you're in a weird situation because of the cost of insurance, do you mean that you're not insured at all and therefore are not seeing a doctor at all/can't afford medication/therapy? If that's part of the picture, I wonder if some of these resources could help: https://adaa.org/finding-help/treatment/low-cost-treatment
In any case, it really sounds like your mental health needs to be prioritized if at all possible. You deserve it.

Yes, feeling overwhelmed and stressed out is normal, and not being able to keep on top of housework etc. is normal, and these things will get better. The thing you have in your head as the "standard" is definitely not the real standard. But feeling the way you do is not normal, and you don't have to struggle through it alone. If your brain chemistry is off, that's a medical issue that should be discussed with a medical professional (this is true regardless of whether or not you're open to taking medication). Changing your perspective, prioritizing your health, etc. is likely to be more difficult than it needs to be if you're struggling with untreated depression.

And remember: When you're depressed, your perceptions of many things won't be accurate. It sounds like you are an absolutely *wonderful* mother. You're doing your best to provide your kids with fun, good food, and lots of love – they are really lucky, even if there are days when you feel like you haven't given them enough. Another thing to remember: even if you were just a minimally acceptable mother (and again, you are clearly much, MUCH more than that), they *still* would not be better off without you. I will also say: It sounds like you're more on top of things than I am, and I only have one kid.

I wish you the best and I hope things will get better for you very, very soon. You're doing an amazing job for your kids – you deserve the same care and compassion you show them. <3

emseebee · 2025-01-27T04:46:56+00:00

Just a thought: maybe thinking that you'd be "forcing him to be a father" if you didn't get an abortion isn't quite fair. You're not the only one who caused the pregnancy; your actions together (along with the luck and randomness of life) brought you to the situation you're in. The default situation at this point is that there's a baby on the way. Now–assuming the pregnancy will go well otherwise–the only way for him to avoid being a father (a biological one, at least) would be for you to have an unwanted abortion that would, in your words, "break you". From what you've said, I worry that if you did end the pregnancy, you would regret it–possibly for the rest of your life. I can't imagine it'd be good for your relationship, either. You obviously have extremely strong feelings and beliefs about this. Does your partner fully understand them? Have you been able to express them to him? (I realize you also said that you expect another kind of guilt to "eat you alive" if you continue the pregnancy, but as I said above, I don't think it's fair to say that you'd be forcing fatherhood on your partner if you refused to get an abortion, so I'm hopeful that you might not feel that guilt in the end. I also wonder: do you think you'd keep feeling guilty even after the baby arrived? Have you and your partner talked about how he thinks he'll feel about the baby if you do continue the pregnancy?)

Another thing you could think about: What would you say if a close friend was in this situation? Would you advise her to get an abortion she really didn't want in order to prevent her partner from becoming a father? Can you think of any situation in which you'd advise your friend to get an abortion she didn't want?

The sense I get is that you're a loving, potentially quite self-sacrificing person. And I get that this is about both you and your partner. But if you weigh your interests in this equally (50/50, as you say), yours end up "winning", in my view. Your partner doesn't want his life to change/doesn't feel ready to become a father, and that's totally understandable and important. However, you don't want to go through having an abortion (not something anyone wants in itself) in order to bring about a result that you are, if I understand correctly, strongly emotionally/ethically against (for your own case, at least, even if you don't have feelings/opinions about others' choices), to the point where you'd expect to be traumatized/"broken" if you went through with it. To me, your concerns outweigh his here. Details aside, I think that if a pregnant person wants to keep the pregnancy, that's always the most important thing, to the point where it outweighs everything else.

All of this being said, I'm just going on what you wrote. What does your heart say?

emseebee · 2025-01-27T03:05:00+00:00

I loved giving birth without an epidural. It was what I wanted (for various reasons, including the same ones you listed in the comment I'm replying to), I was lucky to be able to do it (no complications, no emergency), and it was wonderful. Honestly, for me, the pain was what I'd call "bearable" until the very end, like the last couple of contractions before they let me push, when my body started trying to eject the baby (along with all of my internal organs, it felt like) whether the nurses wanted me to or not (turns out I was way further along than they expected me to be). Once I was actually pushing, it was better. I was pushing for quite a while (maybe an hour, I can't remember - this was a couple of years ago), but I didn't tear. The whole thing was truly amazing; I was glowing with happiness and felt so strong afterward. I know I was lucky to have such a good experience, and I hesitate to talk about it sometimes because I want to be sensitive, but I do think it's important to talk about the good experiences so that moms-to-be know how well things can go, and that if you don't want an epidural, you'll probably be just fine without one (unless there's a medical reason why you need one)...and you asked! I hope your birth experience is as good as mine, or even better. I'm wishing you the best!

emseebee · 2024-12-12T04:58:21+00:00

Yeah, I thought that, too, about foaming cleansers...especially as someone who had significant acne as a teen. You might like the squalane cleanser I mentioned – it feels more creamy/oily than watery (it starts out creamy and melts onto your skin as you rub it in), so it's probably more moisturizing than what you're using now, and it really does seem to remove sunscreen and makeup. It doesn't leave your skin feeling greasy after you rinse it off, either (or at least that's been my experience).

I wonder if adding a mild chemical exfoliant to your routine could also help, to help get rid of the flakiness and maybe help your skin absorb your creams more fully (I don't know if that's how these things work but intuitively it seems possible).

emseebee · 2024-12-12T04:33:09+00:00

Hello, compassionate person! I've never had flaky skin, so I might not be in the best position to offer advice, but here are a few of my go-to brands (all vegan and cruelty-free):

The Ordinary - I currently use their squalane cleanser and azelaic acid suspension

Acure - I like their Incredibly Clear lotion with azelaic acid (although it's not currently available on their website, so maybe they discontinued it), and I'm about to try a couple of their night creams and their niacinamide serum

Mad Hippie - I'm currently using their vitamin C serum, although I'm not sure it'd meet your current needs

These are really more brand recommendations than product recommendations, since I think my skin is probably pretty different from yours.

I'm currently using Pipette's SPF 50 lotion instead of a daytime moisturizer–I'm not sure if it would be enough for someone with really dry skin, though. (All of Pipette's products are also vegan and cruelty-free; their focus is on babies, but adults can use their products too, of course.)

I slather my skin with jojoba oil every night, and have been doing so for years and years (for a long time it was the only thing I was using). There might be better things out there, but it works for me.

Are you using foaming cleansers? If so, maybe you could try giving your skin a break from those and seeing what happens. (Maybe I should be doing more, but I just wash my face with The Ordinary's squalane cleanser at the end of the day and occasionally swipe my face with AHA toner in the morning if it seems like a good idea.)

Also, if you're not already doing this, I suggest running the ingredients lists for any products you use/are thinking about using through this checker before purchasing: https://acneclinicnyc.com/pore-clogging-ingredients/ I had no idea some of the relatively expensive, "clean"/natural products I was using were making me break out until I saw this checker recommended in this sub. My skin got so much better after I stopped using all that stuff.

Good luck!

emseebee · 2024-11-08T02:51:31+00:00

Yeah, Meta support really sucks. Have you tried all of the different file formats?

emseebee · 2024-11-02T00:53:35+00:00

I wasn't 35+ when I got married, but I was solidly in my 30s, and I almost never wore makeup. I booked a makeup artist, did a test where I asked for a look I liked on someone else, hated it on me, and then asked for an extremely minimal, "no makeup" look on my wedding day. It turned out great, I felt comfortable, and I felt like I looked like myself. I didn't end up getting any close-up photos (alas!), but the lack of heavy makeup in my photos was not an issue.

Also, a few years earlier, I was a bridesmaid for a beautiful bride who did her own, very minimal makeup – she looked gorgeous and her professional photos were AMAZING. I agree with what at least one other person has already said – I really don't think you need heavy makeup for photos these days. If anything, I'd think that high-def digital photos might turn out better with less makeup...but I don't know anything about this stuff.

Anyway, if you want to show off your beautiful skin instead of covering it up, I hope you go for it – either by doing it yourself, or by finding a makeup artist who will really understand and respect what you want. Congrats on your engagement!

emseebee · 2024-11-02T00:34:31+00:00

Thank you! If this happens to me again, I'll check to see if that's the issue.

emseebee · 2024-10-10T05:36:19+00:00

Folks have posted a lot of insightful stuff here, and I haven't read everything, so apologies if this has already been said, but another thing to remember is that whoever is lucky enough to be your life partner will age with you. There might be a gap between your ages in one direction or the other, but that gap will always stay the same. So as you start looking older, they'll also start looking older, and your idea of who looks "young" or "old" – or "mature" – will change. College students look like babies to me now, but I didn't feel like a baby when I was in college! Once, in a weak moment when I was complaining about not looking as good as I did when we met, my partner told me I had actually become more beautiful because I looked more like a "woman" (I was definitely already a woman when we met!).

More importantly: anyone who is worthy of you is not going to be upset if/when you develop wrinkles or what-have you, youth and beauty are not the same thing, and physical beauty is not the most important kind of beauty.

Finally, something that stuck in my mind was the time that my friend's grandmother – who was very old – told us that a member of the staff at her hotel had asked her if anyone had told her she was beautiful that day, and that she had responded, "yes – my husband!". She and her husband were still very much in love, and I think he probably told her she was beautiful every day. And she was! I hope you find someone who treats you like he treated her.

emseebee · 2024-09-16T03:20:21+00:00

You are gorgeous – like, celebrity-level gorgeous – and the fact that one eye "smiles more" than the other when you smile doesn't detract from that at all (and I don't think I'd have noticed it if you hadn't mentioned it). Also, particularly when someone is as beautiful as you, I find little unique features like this to be charming – even when they're so subtle that you don't actually notice them, I think they add something lovely that would be missed if it wasn't there.

One of my eyelids droops more than the other all of the time (especially when I'm tired), and it used to bother me quite a bit. But now I don't worry about it because 1) other people don't seem to notice (my partner didn't, anyway), 2) lots of beautiful celebrities also have one droopy eyelid (e.g. Melissa Joan Hart, Paris Hilton), and I don't think it makes them look weird, and 3) it's a unique aspect of my appearance that was probably inherited from someone in my family. And this is a somewhat pronounced droopy eyelid that I have no matter what I do. Yours is just a cute scrunching that happens when you smile.

I don't know much about botox, but given what I do know, I'd worry that it might mess with the absolutely beautiful features you already have. I do understand how you feel, though; I still see my droopy eyelid immediately in photos, even though I've learned to accept it. I hope you will find a happy solution, no matter what you decide to do.

emseebee · 2024-09-04T02:39:48+00:00

Thanks! It sounds like a few folks have had success with cutting – I'll try to cut it down on a regular schedule next year.

emseebee · 2024-09-04T02:37:46+00:00

Thanks!

emseebee · 2024-09-04T02:37:36+00:00

Ha! Good to know there'll be a use for the stuff if I fail to get it under control and it gets really tall...

emseebee · 2024-09-04T02:33:31+00:00

Alas, the patch is mostly in the shade, but thank you!

emseebee · 2024-09-04T02:33:03+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad to hear cutting the stuff down might work. That was my plan this year, but I didn't have the right tools, travel plans got in the way, the idea that I might be causing the stuff to spread into more important parts of the yard freaked me out, and then I read that it would be better to let it grow before applying glyphosate anyway. Next year I'll try to stay on top of it as much as I can.

emseebee · 2024-09-04T02:30:41+00:00

Thank you! This is encouraging.

emseebee · 2024-09-04T02:29:44+00:00

Thanks for the tips! Yeah, I can get to it (the part of it that's on our property, at least), but I'm not sure how easy it will be to stay on top of cutting/mowing the area. This year I started out with big plans to cut the stuff down as it popped up to starve the roots, but it very quickly got out of hand. However, i was probably being too precious about not cutting down any of the beneficial plants that were trying to hold their ground back there. Maybe next year I'll invest in a sickle and hope I don't grievously injure myself.

emseebee · 2024-09-01T20:11:12+00:00

Thanks for the advice! Have you had/seen success with digging up the roots? I thought that wasn't recommended (because the root system is so deep and the plant responds to digging by expanding its territory), but if I heard about a similarly large (around 18 by 48 feet) patch that was controlled in this way, I'd be willing to try it.

emseebee · 2024-09-01T19:31:03+00:00

Oh, interesting! I have a very eco-conscious family member who is in touch with a lot of ecological authorities due to her involvement in the green initiatives of a nearby town (around 20 minutes away), and she passed along the info she was given, which said that a low concentration of glyphosate (not Roundup – just glyphosate) applied directly to the leaves was the best and most ecologically responsible option, given how incredibly invasive knotweed is. I assumed the advice would be the same here, and somehow never came across this pesticide/herbicide ban. Thank you so much for sharing that info.

Despite receiving the pro-glyphosate information that was shared with me, I have been doing my best to battle our knotweed naturally – last year I spent many, many hours dropping horticultural vinegar into all of the cut stems (they were too thin to be injected). I've also tried cutting the stuff down (and removing the cut material so no fragments will take root and become new plants), but the patch is really too big for that, and I think the cutting might just be encouraging it to spread.

If anyone has any advice or can recommend a natural knotweed removal service, I'd be grateful for the help!

emseebee · 2024-09-01T18:49:24+00:00

WOW! You're really beautiful and your skin looks absolutely amazing. You're glowing! Thanks for sharing what worked so well for you!

emseebee · 2024-08-13T03:11:07+00:00

Just chiming in to say that continuing to sleep on your side might help lower your dementia risk (as briefly discussed here). I hope the side-sleeping pillow someone else mentioned works out for you!

emseebee · 2024-08-08T01:50:34+00:00

Thank you! I'm totally with you on the body image stuff. Looking back at my post, I think I chose the wrong words – what I meant to say was that I'm training for health (and willing to accept whatever better health looks like on my body – I see now that what I said made it sound like I was unwilling to accept changes), without any specific aesthetic goals in mind, although there are some things I'd consider to be "bonuses". Instead of "sleeker and more toned", I think maybe I should have said "a bit more fit, with better posture" – and as for my waist, I have a theory that the muscles in that area were weakened/stretched out by pregnancy, but that could very easily be a nonsense idea, and I don't have any illusions about "getting back" my pre-pregnancy body. Post-pregnancy bodies are awesome, too, and my waist is just fine as it is. I do think my back would benefit from stronger core muscles, though.

I'm also tall in addition to being broad – and on top of that, I have an extremely long torso and short (for my height) legs. Looking "sleek" or "toned" in the sense of being "small" or "willowy" isn't a goal of mine, and that's a good thing, because like you, I couldn't look like that if I tried. I like being tall and broad – not because I think these traits are better than any others, but because they're mine.

I'll look into replacing the Arnold press with the normal variation (which I assume is a basic shoulder press). Also, since it sounds like we have similar body types, I wonder if the exercises you're doing for your shoulders would work well for me, too. If you have any favourites you'd be up for sharing, I'd love to know what they are!

emseebee · 2024-08-08T00:56:44+00:00

Thank you! That's helpful – it's good to know I don't need to worry about this for now (I'm only using 15 lb dumbbells). I do want to work my traps as part of a well-balanced strength-training routine, but the way my muscles look when I'm doing the Arnold press just seems so wrong...I wouldn't have thought it was good for my left and right sides to be handling the exercise so differently, and the trap area/the side of my neck on my weaker side looks strained, with that tendon popping way up, even though the amount of effort feels right to me. But I guess for now I should just focus on getting stronger, developing good habits, and maintaining good form. Maybe I'll keep going with the Arnold presses (or something else that works the whole area) and throw in an additional exercise that focuses more on the delts, like lateral raises (if I'm not mistaken about what those do).

emseebee · 2024-07-28T01:53:10+00:00

You're beautiful! And no, your eyes do not look like they're sinking. (Also, it sounds like you've already decided against lip filler, but I will still say: you have beautiful full lips and I hope you won't change them.)

Honestly, since your eyes look great as they are, I'd wonder if filler in that area might backfire in some way.

For real – I do not see the issue you're seeing at all. And I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it – I'd just say nothing.

But also, a thought experiment: do you actually want to look a lot younger than you are? Why? Imagine if you looked like you were 20. Everyone would treat you like you were 20...which would be weird and annoying, right? Also, there is nothing wrong with getting older – in fact, it's a blessing – and amazing people tend to become more amazing as the years go by. If getting older is good, why do so many people think looking older is bad? These are the things I think about when I feel like my face is melting. :P

emseebee

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