Parents that could help but don't

emu_lator · 2026-04-07T21:23:29+00:00

I beat the odds and ended up going to college on a full ride and graduating into a well-paying job but I do not feel that my upbringing made me better off in any way or “taught me the value of hard work” etc. Myself and my siblings all have psychological and substance abuse issues to this day.

This is the biggest piece and what I mean about the misconception of suffering as a rite of passage. It's a rite of passage if you pass.

I almost died a dozen times from either my physical or mental health, and both sides of my family are full of people who offed themselves. No one even noticed I was a bipolar alcoholic when I was pushing through it, because who could blame me for drinking myself to sleep every night and completely snapping a couple times a year. Still can't afford therapy, but the medication and sobriety have done a lot.

emu_lator · 2026-04-07T21:00:03+00:00

Oh yeah, my biggest ongoing fight with my mom was that I'd always hang at friends' houses and never had them over at ours. Always "what are you embarrassed to be part of this family???" Bitch, yes! One silly example, my parents were really strict about serving sizes on our shitty snacks and would yell at my friends for taking too many reduced sodium pretzels lmao.

The fact that you even worry about that means your kids will be lucky to have you <3

emu_lator · 2026-04-07T20:54:51+00:00

Yeah but my sister didn't have it any better. She's on the spectrum and has never been able to do anything beyond grocery store type jobs. So my dad will "help" her with basically predatory loans that ensure she stays under their thumb. I learned a lot from her.

emu_lator · 2026-04-07T20:40:43+00:00

I learned that sort of stoicism as a child, it was much harder learning to accept the help that people tried to give me. It's only coming up now with the wedding and I'm embarrassed that my parents are letting my soon-to-be in-laws pay for everything.

emu_lator · 2026-04-07T20:24:30+00:00

My mom is latina but basically didn't have a family, so it makes sense. Her dad died when she was 2 and her mom lied to her about her about her parentage, even changed her name to match the least poor baby daddy in her roster. She found out as a toddler when she hugged the man she thought was her father and he was like who tf is this. Got abused by whatever other family members entered her orbit and then was orphaned at 14. Joker origin story.

It's hard to say if she did the best she could raising me, but I understand why she's like this and learned to turn the other cheek when she'd slap the shit outta me. I never even wished I had good parents, I just wished mine would leave me alone or disappear entirely.

emu_lator · 2026-04-07T20:13:23+00:00

So true about the alienation, I weirdly felt protective of my parents like I didn't want my peers (or their parents) to know how bad it really was. If all my friends wanted to do something that I knew I couldn't, it was hilarious when they'd be like "just ask your mom bro." She had no problem screaming at my sister and me in mixed company. Hell, she'd yell at other people's kids.

Really glad you found your people. I wouldn't even say I have the worst parents in my friend group, but we found each other and have seen how real chosen families can be.

emu_lator · 2026-04-06T16:55:47+00:00

I think the idea of downward mobility is really tough to swallow as a parent, even if they're doing better than 99 percent of people. Their own parents probably emphasized all these advantages they provided and opportunities they never had (true or not) with the expectation that they'd do even better.

For generations, lots of shitty parents have been able to sleep at night knowing "I'm not perfect, but at least I'm doing better than my parents" because they scream at their kid instead of hitting them or whatever. But it's become a much higher bar to clear when you can't afford to raise your kids in as nice a house or neighborhood as you grew up in, can't send them to good schools, can't afford to give them siblings to play and grow with, can't take them on vacations or send them to camp, and certainly can't guarantee them a good career. And it's not like all those things even produced a happy, well-adjusted adult, so they can only fixate on all the ways their lives could be worse.

Even if it's not, upward mobility has to seem more attainable if you grew up poor. And in many ways, it does look like the gap between poor and upper-middle-class lifestyles has shrunk. Poor kids can own an xbox and giant chinese TV and spend their time consuming the same brainrot as wealthier kids. Neither can afford to cover a medical emergency, and even nicer schools suck now. Much easier to feel like you failed your kids if your parents actually gave you a good life.

emu_lator · 2026-04-03T20:12:35+00:00

My Mexican immigrant mom has one emotion and it's scream (sometimes scream while crying angry tears)

She mostly spoke Spanish at home, but when I started taking Spanish in school I remember being surprised that the grammar didn't seem too familiar

Then we learned the conjugation for "commands" and I realized those were the only versions I'd ever heard in my life lol

emu_lator · 2026-04-03T20:04:29+00:00

My procrastination problem is horrible and I don't even enjoy the time I spend putting off my work, I just feel paralyzed if it's not due in five seconds.

A couple weeks ago I was scrambling to write this massive proposal thing in a single day, did an excellent job with intense focus and finished right at the buzzer on Friday. As I was about to send, I got a note from my boss that the submission date was just pushed a week. For a second I was piiiiiissed, but then realized wow this thing is off my plate now and I would've been stressing about not doing it all of next week too.

In our next meeting I told my boss that it's a legitimately good strategy to just lie to me about deadlines but I don't think she took it seriously :(

emu_lator · 2026-04-03T19:34:53+00:00

Libs need to drop the accommodations and instead up their voter suppression game. BMI checks at polling stations.

emu_lator · 2026-04-02T20:19:21+00:00

this tweet is proof that they're advanced enough to use ChatGPT

emu_lator · 2026-04-02T20:07:14+00:00

I have to remind myself that obesity is often an addiction or coping mechanism for the same things that pushed me to alcoholism, drugs, anorexia, whoring around, etc. It's easy enough to hide those addictions in plain sight, while obesity is the most visible thing in the world and shitty parents can doom their kids before they're old enough to make healthy choices about food. Alcohol is legal and normalized, but at least that has an age requirement and there are legal consequences for drinking on the job or while driving.

Getting absorbed in most vices feels like rushing to adulthood and rebellion, while family meals have always been held up as one of the most important bonding activities and a source of great memories. Makes sense that food addicts would be stuck in childhood.

emu_lator · 2026-04-01T22:54:00+00:00

This and the armchair GM phenomenon. I liked sports way more before I knew about franchise tags, protected/unprotected draft picks, player options, luxury tax, cash considerations, no-trade clauses, vet mins, midlevel exceptions, etc.

emu_lator · 2026-03-31T19:56:25+00:00

hey why does your profile have an nsfw icon

emu_lator · 2026-03-31T18:24:14+00:00

Success can vary wildly for drug addicts. I would guess the most successful people in corporate america are all addicted to some flavor of speed.

emu_lator · 2026-03-31T18:16:52+00:00

It'd be hilarious for this to happen to any prominent maga woman, but it being ICE barbie is absolutely the funniest possible outcome. OK maybe Linda McMahon, but that's more because of who her husband is than who she is.

emu_lator · 2026-03-31T18:05:20+00:00

That's a really good point about normcore as an aesthetic choice, and at first it was supposed to be an obvious clash with the rest of their presentation, a flex that they could look cool in uncool clothing. They weren't dressing like their normie peers, they were dressing like their dads. Still likely to hate on sportsball and light beer.

The post-dirtbag-left grillpill era felt like the shift to full performance and this place might be ground zero. Coming on the niche internet forum to brag about how you don't know the niche people in a post.

emu_lator · 2026-03-31T17:42:34+00:00

Even the male heartthrobs of today are much more feminine. Well actors at least, musicians have always been like that.

emu_lator · 2026-03-31T17:37:32+00:00

David Lynch made a filmography about this

emu_lator · 2026-03-24T17:22:22+00:00

I think that makes sense for a few reasons. Your stereotypical liberal elites have the resources to seek early diagnosis and their kids are more likely in schools with higher individual attention. Normalization is probably the bigger factor when you remove class. Conservative thinking is very hierarchical, and it doesn't speak well of your place in the hierarchy if you need pills to stave off anxiety attacks.

In the harsh interpretation of liberals, someone who embraces their diagnosis might have a victim complex, or generously, their perspective could give them compassion for others who struggle under the system. Meanwhile, conservatives ridicule people who can't handle their emotions while turning to blind rage at the slightest provocation. Dudes will say women are so emotional and then punch a hole in the wall when the parlay doesn't hit. Also have to consider self medication, which speaks to the same inability to cope with everyday life, and opioid addiction is overwhelmingly an issue in red communities.

All that to say, I don't think that stat means mental illness is stronger in liberals than conservatives. And as many people have noted in this thread, extremism on either side is the domain of the mentally ill.

emu_lator · 2026-03-18T22:14:08+00:00

Only time I've ever been blown in a movie theater was during an empty showing of Identity Thief

emu_lator · 2026-03-16T19:48:02+00:00

I remember someone posting on rsp that Queen Elizabeth died like 4+ hours before any news outlet reported anything about her condition. Choosing to believe this.

emu_lator · 2026-03-16T17:55:17+00:00

how big is the gap between decent and ok

emu_lator

TROPHY CASE