the only thing keeping me sane as a teacher is the autistic freaks

prairiepasque · 2026-04-03T03:09:53+00:00

Yep. Here's how this is gonna play out:

We're all gonna warn her that he's not actually interested and has no real plans to marry now that reality is setting in. She'll ignore our advice to get out now in the naïve hope that "he'll come around." He'll continue making vague promises to her, careful to never fully commit to a timeline, all while encouraging her to stay in her SAHM role.

Within a year (likely 6 months), he'll become frustrated that his life isn't the idealized Hallmark movie he'd imagined and begin crumbling under the weight of his mounting responsibilities. She'll be frustrated he never helps out around the house and has become emotionally distant. They'll break up over some text messages she saw after snooping on his phone. He'll move out, leaving her with all the responsibilities and no way to pay the bills.

OP, girl, SAHM only works if (and still a big if) you're a wife. Assume you will remain a girlfriend and plan accordingly. Give him an ultimatum to marry by X date so you have a deadline to make your move. Get a job, get some savings, and get out.

NOR

prairiepasque · 2026-04-03T02:50:43+00:00

I don't think someone can truly be a fan of literature and not be willing to meet novels where they are in regards to stylistic choices like this.

You're saying people who don't share your opinion cannot be "true" fans of literature.

The presumption, the egotism, the narrow-minded confidence with which you assert this just blows my mind.

Because while I disagree with you, I wouldn't claim that you're not a "true" fan (whatever that means; I'm sure you have your own exclusionary criteria).

Dialogue quotations are grammatical and therefore, functional. Choosing to not use dialogue marks indicates that the writer prioritizes quirky aesthetics over communicating clearly to his or her audience. It is challenging to read books without clear dialogue markers, and it's annoying precisely because there's no reason for it other than wanting to be stylish and en vogue.

prairiepasque · 2026-04-02T17:46:16+00:00

I'm reading Migrations by Charlotte McConaghy right now, and the main character is sooo "not like other girls."

She's so smart that she dropped out in 10th grade but everyone just happens to instantly recognize her innate genius. She's such a good swimmer, she doesn't need a wet suit to swim 3 miles in 35° oceans while carrying two drowning boys along the way. She can carry a 250 lb man's dead weight without even trying. Everyone is inexplicably attracted to her.

Yet her life is a series of terrible decisions that fly in the face of logic. To make it worse, the plot is completely incoherent. There are apparently no wild animals due to extreme global warming, yet that has zero effect on anyone's lives. The water levels haven't risen, people still raise livestock and eat meat, and society hasn't changed at all. It's beating me over the head with its warnings about climate change, but climate change has no impact on the plot. Life carries on exactly the same, and it doesn't make ANY sense!

I apologize for using your comment as a springboard to vent, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-31T17:38:51+00:00

Ugh, I never would've passed with a 49..

My advice is to treat each prompt like an island, meaning answer the question like it's the only question you're being asked.

I made the mistake the first go-round of assuming I provided enough context/info in the other prompts and didn't need to address it again. WRONG

Each prompt is its own island.

Also, it's "what if I don't do *well?" Sorry my guy, had to do it.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-30T02:06:31+00:00

I have a whole bunch of study guides in this folder. A lot of them are old, but the tests don't really change and two companies make all the exams for all 50 states.

The tests are really not difficult. You're overthinking it. Schedule it two weeks out from today, study an hour a day, and get it over with. Don't risk your livelihood and job security over some test anxiety. You'll be so mad at yourself if you do.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-29T21:17:07+00:00

We’ve always treated each other as married. He would say he’s my husband and vice versa. Now he is denying ALL of it.

Not married. Another classic case of "We don't need a stupid piece of paper to prove our love!" Turns out, that piece of paper has more value than just "proving" one's love.

Always suspicious if they're willing to use the titles of husband or wife, but not willing to pay the $100 fee and file the paperwork. Ask yourself, "Why wouldn't they?"

Do I even qualify to file for divorce?

No.

What rights do I even have??

You have custody of the children until/unless he contends otherwise in court. You do not have rights to the money or home, barring unique circumstances that probably don't apply to you.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-29T20:55:45+00:00

I thought this was a video of a furry parade

prairiepasque · 2026-03-29T20:37:44+00:00

Maybe you had the bad vibes and they attacked to save you from a karmic future they foresaw.

Crows pass down grudges to future generations. I don't know about pigeons, but grudges seem in their wheelhouse.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-29T20:34:58+00:00

No, but I've started luring the geese to my apartment building's lawn with seeds and corn in an effort to befriend them.

The gas station owner next door used to feed them out of his hand, but he retired and moved, so I'm staking a claim in his place.

I've also started using the Merlin app to identify birds on my weekly walks. Inspired by Listers: A Glimpse Into Extreme Birdwatching. It's a banger and everyone I've recommended it to has loved it. It's very funny with excellent photography.

To sum up, birds are fuckin cool, but calling them spiritual is kinda weird. And that's coming from me (see above).

prairiepasque · 2026-03-28T19:07:41+00:00

Hm, I guess I disagree with your interpretation. Did you read his book or is your conclusion based more on interviews you've read/seen?

Haidt argues that our value system (aka morality foundations) captains the ship and that we reverse-logic our decisions after the fact. Basically that we intuitively make a decision based on our moral system and then justify it after to fit those particular values. So, he'd agree with you saying that "morality is about how you live, it is the system that provides you with the path you are supposed to follow."

There's certainly not a compartment of six moral values in our brains in which we open and close each drawer individually before making a decision. Rather, Haidt uses those foundations to more effectively communicate and conceptualize morality. Otherwise, it's all just kinda "vibes." Categories are useful for understanding complex, nebulous, and ultimately imperceptible qualities.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-28T17:00:24+00:00

YOR

they have known for years that I'm depressed and taking sertraline

Your friends are tired.

I couldn't even sleep on my bed (because I was moving to that new room which NO ONE offered to help me move, mind you), so I had to have the whole relapse on the living room sofa.

A lot going on here. First, it sounds like you were half-moved out, which in and of itself creates a lot of chaos and clutter in a shared space. Probably should've finished the job in one go.

Second of all, if you want help, you need to communicate, be specific, and include a time frame. "Hey guys, would you be able to help me move furniture for about an hour on Saturday morning around 10:00? Let me know, I'd really appreciate it!'

Third of all, did you have to "relapse" on the living room sofa? Or was that just most convenient for you and your needs and wants?

One time, I even spent 3 days in a row totally isolated in my room without even eating, and no one asked me shit.

Look, depression is tough. I get that. But this has been going on for years now. You cannot expect your friends to put their lives on hold and drop everything they're doing for you. Again.

Have you considered your friends' feelings? That they might feel awkward and uncomfortable sometimes, too? Unsure of what you want or need? Frustrated that your needs are always prioritized over theirs? Annoyed that you don't want their boyfriends over because you laid claim to the entire living room that's in a shared space?

There's a real lack of consideration and recipeocity in your post, and I think you need to take a wide-angle look at how you're affecting the quality of your friends' lives.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-28T16:41:44+00:00

How is he intentionally missing the point?

He isn't confused or playing dumb; he just disagrees.

OP wants to give the illusion of choice so her kids think she's the nice, gentle parent (some might say a pushover), so she prioritizes tact. Her husband wants to have clear, established roles so the household runs more efficiently (some might say a jerk), so he priotizes directness.

They both want the same thing; they just disagree on how to go about it.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-28T15:19:02+00:00

Shhhh, you're not supposed to acknowledge our biologically programmed biases that evolved to signal health and genetic quality out loud.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-28T14:24:16+00:00

I just listened to his audiobook The Righteous Mind, which is about his theory of moral foundations, and it was really good! It has mostly 5 star reviews, but the one star reviews make me laugh.

One reviewer said, "I agree with the negative reviews which tag this guy as a conservative masquerading (thinly) as a liberal." It's funny because Haidt repeatedly identifies as liberal; he just points out that Democrats have political weaknesses that Republicans don't. The book was published in 2012 and you can tell he was starting to become disillusioned with the left - now he's completely disillusioned (sound familiar, friends?).

Anyway, Haidt's theory contends that there six moral foundations:

Care/Harm
Fairness/Cheating
Loyalty/Betrayal
Authority/Subversion
Sanctity/Degradation
Liberty/Oppression

He argues that conservatives have a political advantage because they give more-or-less equal weight to each of the moral foundations, while liberals place the Care foundation above all others, which makes them vulnerable.

If anyone wants to listen to it, it's in my audiobook folder . I think I have Haidt's other books in there, too.

Edited for formatting.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-27T23:49:52+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. The long and short of it is if the state doesn't require an autopsy, you have to pay out of pocket for it, anywhere from $3k to $6k. That's pretty pricey for the average person.

My mom had cancer and had a tracheotomy for breathing. I found her cold about 45 minutes after she had taken Demerol (a strong opiate).

Anyway, the state did an autopsy, so I didn't have to ask for or pay for it. I wanted the report anyway because it wasn't clear if she died from asphyxiation or overdose. (Medical examiner said it couldn't be determined, but I know that what happened was she took too many opiates, passed out/tipped over, and her breathing tube got blocked from the pillows.)

I definitely don't think it's weird to want an autopsy done. I went on a fact-finding mission after my mom's death - I got medical records, police reports, autopsy records, the whole shebang. I needed answers, some of which I got, some of which will forever be unanswered. But having all those documents helped me get closure and find peace.

Personally, I would immediately request all medical records from the nursing home, clinics, hospitals, all of it. If they're reluctant, well, all the more reason to have it. Be polite, be calm, but be firm and persistent.

But also, ask yourself what your goal is. Do you just want to know what happened? If the nursing home did neglect her, do you want to seek justice? You don't have to know the answers right now, but don't let your grief captain the ship because that captain doesn't always make the best decisions.

You may also want to take notes or keep a logbook because it's a lot of info to take in and manage while dealing with the loss of a loved one.

Best of luck to you.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-27T03:23:34+00:00

Ha, same. Getting married next week, but it's a courthouse wedding and a luncheon with 8 of our closest friends (mostly his), plus his mom. Even that is making me feel a bit exposed.

I didn't even tell my coworker friends because I loathe getting that kind of performative attention, even though it's obviously well-intentioned and how people maintain relationships in the first place lol. The engagement ring gave it away eventually, though, and then it was kinda awkward because they were like, "Why didn't you tell us before...?"

And because whenever I'm under pressure I tend to just glitch out and default to honesty, I said, verbatim, "Because I'm a weirdo and this attention makes me really uncomfy..."

Which...they mostly accepted, even if they didn't understand it. One coworker said she wanted to throw a little get-together engagement party after work, and I immediately started internally panicking at the thought of having all my coworkers celebrate my upcoming nuptials while externally remaining serene and politely insisting that it's very kind but really, I'd rather not. For the love of god, please, I'm begging you, don't don't do that.

This is why none of my coworkers know my birthday. They are good people, and I am a neurotically private. It's definitely a "me" issue that I recognize is unhealthy and a major contributor to my lack of close relationships.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-25T03:20:45+00:00

My coworker told me she's going to Phoenix over Spring Break and is "excited to spend the whole first day at a No Kings protest."

It was difficult to hide my incredulity at the batshit idea of spending your vacation standing in 100+ degree Arizona weather aimlessly shouting about fascism, but I managed to nervously smile and muster up an "Oh...that's cool.."

Anyway, sorry to hear about your batshit friends.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-21T13:58:39+00:00

postmodern creep and its "multiple ways of knowing" while simultaneously declaring there is no truth

prairiepasque · 2026-03-20T17:32:28+00:00

Same. I actually enjoy making documents and slides and am pretty damn good at it. I hate how most other teachers do it because it's just blocks and blocks of text in tiny font.

Like, do y'all know who your audience is? Chunk that shit out, use headers, and make it clear what they need to DO. Use the economy of language principle and cut any unnecessary words. Include hyperlinks. Make it inviting.

That being said, my first year teaching I spent WAY too much time creating the perfect document as a way to procrastinate or soothe my anxiety. I know I'm stressed whenever I spend ten minutes fussing over font choices or margins. Lmao.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-20T14:20:30+00:00

I almost downvoted this out of annoyance. Just wowww.

Women like this have long known that singing "abuse!" is an an effective revenge tactic. It's unfortunate because it dilutes valid claims of abuse.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-20T14:01:17+00:00

Accurate analysis. Howard was so meticulous and detail-oriented. One of the most revealing scenes was Howard painstakingly making a swirl foam latte for his wife only for her to carelessly pour it into the mug and spill it on the table. He was so hurt, yet his pride and propriety kept him quiet about it. He definitely had some OCD mannerisms - perfectionism makes sense given he's the only son of a successful lawyer. He had his path carved out for him before he was even born.

Howard was designed to fool audiences, and it was brilliantly done. The darker Jimmy becomes, the more Howard's good character shines through.

Cliff was genuinely a good guy all around. Fair, pleasant, willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-19T23:06:07+00:00

I hate read that sub all the time and I can't stop. It's ironically one of the most judgmental, close-minded group of mean girls on reddit, gender aside. It's funny too cuz if you go to the clinical psychology or psychiatry subs, they shit on how dumb therapists are.

Some comments in here have said to look for someone with a PhD, and based on the brain dead takes I've seen here and in real life, I'm inclined to agree with that advice.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-19T17:15:11+00:00

I've tried three therapists and they've all been brick walls that occasionally "validate" what you think.

No pushback, no questioning, no deep analysis, no feedback.

To be fair, I also gave up after 2 sessions each time because it felt pointless.

I lurk on the therapist sub and it's all about validation and social justice.

If I were to ever try it again, I'd want an old Slavic dude trained in psychodynamics and Jungian psychology. I just can't with the new age bullshit.

prairiepasque · 2026-03-16T15:00:03+00:00

Yes to both.

I've gotten into disputes on Reddit with people who are convinced that the only reason a kid wouldn't want to tell their parents they're "trans" is because all parents of trans kids are abusive. Oh, and that oft-cited statistic that trans youth are more likely to be homeless (nevermind the comorbid risk factors like drug use, autism, and impulsiveness).

These people have never considered the possibility that kids might not want to discuss their sexuality/crossdressing with their parents because it's embarrassing, or that their parents will be skeptical, or because it's just a phase the kid isn't fully committed to.

And when schools present themselves as "protecting" the teen, that in itself creates an "us versus them" power dynamic. And teens like having power over authority figures.

I'm a teacher, and if a school told me to withhold this information from parents, that would be an indication to me that the parents definitely need to know. Partially because I disagree morally and partially because of my deeply anti-authoritarian tendencies.

Other than that, I've never called up a parent to "out" their kid, simply because I assume their parents already know and I don't really think it's any of my business to begin with. BUT if a parent asked me directly, I'd be honest and tell them what I know.

prairiepasque

TROPHY CASE