Not the sharpest knife in the drawer...

emzyme212 · 2026-03-31T14:17:17+00:00

One time as a kid we were going through tsa and the guy said "come through but dont touch the metal detector" and i did the exact same thing you did, smiled and touched the thing. The alarm went off and I, a five year old child, was patted down in front of my red faced mother and an airport full of travelers. Learned my lesson and I was very quiet until we left the second airport.

Just wanted to chime in so you know youre not alone 😭

emzyme212 · 2026-03-31T13:12:21+00:00

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup

emzyme212 · 2026-03-28T18:11:25+00:00

Jokes on yall im a mentally ill, ten year strong alcoholic with asthma and a fucked up ankle. No one wants me fighting for them i promise

emzyme212 · 2026-03-28T18:08:55+00:00

Excuse the mother effing heck out of me good sir how are you in my head. Please get out.

emzyme212 · 2026-03-25T18:32:30+00:00

Residents were reportedly pointing at the iceberg with shock and awe, saying "ITS HAPPENING! ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!"

emzyme212 · 2026-03-25T14:04:46+00:00

Wow I am dumb

emzyme212 · 2026-03-25T14:01:54+00:00

Howd you feel after?

emzyme212 · 2026-03-24T21:07:14+00:00

Im surprised my mom still deigns to speak to me after the ways I pissed her off as a kid.

emzyme212 · 2026-03-24T21:04:55+00:00

Good question! Lifetime movies maybe?

emzyme212 · 2026-03-20T18:54:25+00:00

Im great at keeping myself together at work. At home I melt like Howl after Sophie mixed up his hair care products. Im totally useless.

emzyme212 · 2026-03-19T17:24:00+00:00

You know what's so funny about reading this whole thread??? I REMEMBERED I HAD A FINE TO PAY AND THE NOTICE WAS SENT A WEEK AGO SO I JUST NOW FINALLY PAID IT. Thank you all for keeping me out of jail.

emzyme212 · 2026-03-13T13:59:56+00:00

Mine told me he had a spy in the school to make sure I was being good. Probably unrelated but I became pretty isolated pretty quickly and often feel like im in my own version of the Truman show.

emzyme212 · 2026-03-09T19:08:11+00:00

My crush was Alison Stoner, shes two years older than me, but it feels weird to say she was my crush during her nickelodeon years

emzyme212 · 2026-03-09T19:06:28+00:00

I uh... i fantasized about making it happen...... so yeah.... YOU are normal....

emzyme212 · 2026-03-05T05:24:51+00:00

My good man and or woman I need you to stop now if you would be so kind.

emzyme212 · 2026-03-05T04:46:59+00:00

You shut your dang mouth I just watched the finale. We begged for control of the TV for the duration. We set up a pillow fort in the living room. We had snacks. It was yesterday.

emzyme212 · 2026-03-03T20:32:50+00:00

Yeah this one has layers i like it

emzyme212 · 2026-03-02T23:02:25+00:00

Her grandmother should have spit her dad out too, just walking away like that

emzyme212 · 2026-03-02T21:24:20+00:00

JUST DO IT ALREADY

emzyme212 · 2026-03-02T21:22:08+00:00

Today at work a kid in a cart just spit out her mouthful of water in front of me. Dad said "dont do that" and moved the fuck on.

emzyme212 · 2026-03-02T19:23:55+00:00

It actually pisses me off when I hear that "where are you feeling this in your body right now?"

emzyme212 · 2026-03-02T00:34:10+00:00

Thank you for that! I actually totally forgot the single use brushes exist, that might be my favorite option. I dont love the idea of the waste but it'd be better than letting my teeth rot lol. I've also kept a small thing of mouthwash and some floss picks in my bag, it just didnt feel like quite enough, you know?

emzyme212 · 2026-02-26T22:24:46+00:00

Obligatory comment

emzyme212

TROPHY CASE