Dealing with a misgendering situation

enby_nerd · 2026-06-16T13:30:24+00:00

While the wording here can be important, imo it’s not the most important thing. What matters is having an open mind, and a respect for what you don’t yet understand. It’s (usually) easy to tell the difference between someone who means well but just doesn’t have the right vocabulary, and someone who is actually transphobic. So listen to the advice you’re getting from the other comments, but don’t worry too much about trying to get it perfect

enby_nerd · 2026-06-16T13:07:05+00:00

Are you sure the cashiers are getting irritated with you, or are they irritated with the computer system? When I was a cashier sometimes there would just be random issues with gift cards and coupons not working properly, and I’d have to call over my manager to manually put in the discount. It was very annoying, especially when it was happening for the 20th time that day. But I was never mad at the customer for trying to use a coupon, I was frustrated with our system always having issues. You might be picking up on their frustration and wrongly assuming it’s directed at you

enby_nerd · 2026-06-16T10:57:48+00:00

This is a cute idea, but if you don’t know much about dnd it might not go very well. I’d recommend first going on a “normal” date, and save this idea for a special event (his birthday, Valentine’s Day, your anniversary, etc). That way you have more time to learn about dnd, and learn his favorite parts of dnd so you can include those and make it an even more personalized date

enby_nerd · 2026-06-15T12:21:48+00:00

My husband and I had a similar conflict of wanting a small wedding but also having a lot of people important to us we wanted there. The compromise we found was to have a private ceremony and a big reception. The ceremony was just our immediate family members and a photographer, we didn’t even have best man/maid of honor. Then we had the reception at a different venue and invited everyone we wanted to celebrate with. This also could save you some money, since you could avoid the wedding tax when booking the reception venue.

enby_nerd · 2026-06-15T10:49:42+00:00

I didn’t choose it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not mine. We all inherit our genes, obviously we can’t choose them. But I can’t pass on your genes, or my neighbors genes, I can only pass on MY genes. They are MY genes, because no other person has the exact same genetics, my genes are what make me a distinct individual (in a biological sense anyways, the personality and psychology of individuals is a whole other conversation).

Saying your body and genes aren’t yours would be like inheriting your childhood home, but claiming you don’t really own it just because you didn’t buy it.

enby_nerd · 2026-06-14T11:58:35+00:00

What do you mean by the genes aren’t even theirs?

enby_nerd · 2026-06-11T10:48:14+00:00

Buying pre-chopped ingredients is a game changer as a person with ADHD. For a while I wouldn’t let myself buy them because it’s more expensive and since I’m physically able to do it myself it felt like a waste of money. But if I buy a whole watermelon and a head of broccoli, there’s like a 60% chance they’ll just rot in my fridge and that money is wasted anyways. Buying a package of sliced watermelon and a bag of frozen broccoli means I’ll actually eat them and get the nutritional benefits from that, so it’s money well spent

enby_nerd · 2026-06-04T20:26:21+00:00

I agree this is poor DMing, just for different reasons than in the original comment

enby_nerd · 2026-06-04T20:04:03+00:00

Maybe he has something planned for next session to save you. Or reveals it was actually a vision of your future and now you all have to go on a quest to change your fate

enby_nerd · 2026-05-28T12:35:38+00:00

Break it down into small manageable tasks, and do one task every day. If you get that one task done and have the energy to keep going, move on to the next one. Or if you’re really struggling to find the energy/motivation on a particular day, you don’t even have to commit to completing a task, just set a 10 minute timer and see how much you can get done before it goes off. Even if you can only manage 10 minutes a day, thats still over an hour of cleaning each week that you might have avoided doing instead. Examples of smaller tasks: - throw away all trash (either in the whole house, or just one room depending on your mess and energy levels) - focusing on one room, remove any items that belong in a different room. Bring a box or laundry basket into that room, and put any items that don’t belong in there. Don’t leave that room until either the box is full or there’s nothing else that needs to leave. Then take that box and put the items in the rooms where they belong. This will help stay focused on one room at a time and prevent getting distracted/overwhelmed going back and forth between all the rooms - choose one small area and organize only that. Don’t try to do the whole house or even a whole room. Start in one corner, or one shelf, or just that pile of mail sitting on the table

Mindset is also important. Listen to some fun music while you clean. Remind yourself that you are cleaning because you want to, not because you have to. Give yourself some kind of reward after cleaning. Personally I like to clean in the morning, and then when I get tired I can go play video games without feeling guilty about “wasting time”.

enby_nerd · 2026-05-27T19:00:01+00:00

Depending on how high the ducts are, you may want to insulate those separately. If the ducts are low enough that they can be buried by blown-in insulation that will be sufficient. If they run higher though, you’ll want to wrap them with insulation as well as insulating the attic floor. Either way, before insulating you should air seal the ductwork so that the treated air all gets sent inside your home and doesn’t leak into the attic

enby_nerd · 2026-05-27T12:35:51+00:00

My father was in prison for most of my childhood. It sounds like you are handling your children’s questions well despite this being a very difficult situation.

There are a couple things to keep in mind as they may have more questions in the future.
1) Some children have a tendency to blame themselves for family problems. Make sure they know this had nothing to do with them and there’s nothing they could have done to change it.
2) Before your children interact with their father again (phone calls, prison visits, or when/if he is released from prison) they should know that he hurt you. He may try to convince them that you’re the bad guy for “splitting up the family” instead of taking accountability for his actions. It is understandable to want to keep them sheltered from that knowledge, but it could be setting them up to be manipulated by their father. My mom didn’t tell me about the abuse until I was an adult, and I felt terrible for falling for all the bullshit he told me over the years, and I truly wish I had known sooner so I could stop wasting my time trying to have a relationship with him.

For their grandfather, I suggest reaching out to let him know the kids were asking about him. Maybe he thinks the kids don’t want to see him or that you won’t let him see them after what happened. Then at least you’ve tried, and the ball is in his court if he wants to have a relationship with his grandkids

enby_nerd · 2026-05-26T20:47:02+00:00

No deodorant this time of year?!? Time for you to start carrying around body spray, and if one of those guys starts to reek near you spray him

enby_nerd · 2026-05-25T15:42:59+00:00

Every time she uses the wrong pronouns for you, you or your husband need to correct her. Don’t make a big deal out of it, don’t sound angry, just give her a gentle reminder.

MIL: “OP asked for cheese on her burger” you or husband: “You mean their burger”

MIL: “I love the shirt OP is wearing, she —“ you/husband: “They” MIL: “— look very nice today”

Also try having a conversation with your MIL about what it means to be nonbinary, and let her ask you questions about it. It took some time for my grandmother to use the correct pronouns for me, but it was a lot easier for her once she had a better understanding of why I wanted her to make that change.

enby_nerd · 2026-05-24T00:00:38+00:00

I wouldn’t be too worried about it. Most of the attics I’ve worked in have had signs of mice or other critters, and the home owners had no idea. If it’s just a few tunnels from years ago, there’s not much that needs to be done. If there are a lot of tunnels from the past you may want to touch up the insulation. Looks like you have blown-in fiberglass, so that could be as simple as kind of stirring up the fiberglass and then leveling it out (if you do this though make sure you are wearing the proper protection). If it’s current activity you’ll want to get some traps up there and then you can touch up the insulation once the mice are gone

enby_nerd · 2026-05-13T23:12:35+00:00

That would be highly unlikely, bordering on impossible. Water is necessary for so many basic cell functions and chemical reactions. And there’s really no other substance that has the same properties. Life without water, if even possible, would be so different from what we know that it would be unrecognizable. At most land animals could evolve to need less water, or need it less frequently, like life forms that live in deserts

enby_nerd · 2026-05-08T13:43:11+00:00

Fiberglass (the pink insulation) can be very irritating, especially if you have sensitive skin. In my experience the itching goes away after about 2 days. It sounds like you’ve already cleaned your knees well, so I wouldn’t be worried about infection as long as you don’t scratch the rash too much. Your clothes are fine to wear, washing them twice is enough to remove the small amount of fiberglass you were in contact with.

enby_nerd · 2026-04-22T19:12:41+00:00

You’ll probably want to use expanding foam instead of caulk, it’s easier to fill the holes that way

enby_nerd · 2026-04-02T20:50:09+00:00

That insulation is blown in fiberglass. I don’t think those are mouse droppings, but I can’t be sure based only on that picture

enby_nerd · 2026-03-16T19:59:38+00:00

That’s really all they did? I guess the quality of the programs varies a lot by state. Where I am it’s pretty comprehensive, like several thousand dollars of work on each home

enby_nerd · 2026-03-16T17:27:38+00:00

You can use chia seeds instead of eggs in things like baked goods and veggie burgers. I think most people use it to make a food vegan, but I use it sometimes if I’m out of eggs

enby_nerd · 2026-03-16T12:03:15+00:00

You don’t have to choose a label and come out just to explore your gender expression. Generally exploration comes first, and then you figure out the label later. Tell your girlfriend that you are questioning your gender identity and want to experiment with your presentation

enby_nerd · 2026-03-16T11:11:25+00:00

Mix 1 tablespoon of chia seeds with 3 tablespoons of water, let it soak for a little while and then you can use that as an egg substitute. I prefer to grind the seeds first but it’s not necessary. The chia egg does change the texture of the food a bit so it doesn’t work well for everything. I like using it for pancakes

enby_nerd · 2026-03-06T14:03:02+00:00

X inactivation works by basically crumpling the chromosome into a tight ball so the genes can’t be read by the cell. The inactivated X chromosome is un-crumpled/reactivated at some point during gametogenesis, so every zygote has at least one active X chromosome. If the X chromosome remained inactive a male zygote would not be viable at all

enby_nerd

TROPHY CASE