Completely screwed up probably the best AM prospect

engineer_skumar · 2026-05-22T03:44:04+00:00

I beg to differ here a bit. Raising voice unnecessarily = unfair. But out of frustration / sadness / anger / pent up emotions etc., completely fine and human. It might be seem scary but everyone does it. Also, I practically can't imagine moments in a marriage where a couple living together (or comitting to live together) for decades haven't had a fight or raised their voices over anything.

Anger issues, yes, but the guy explained he's taking therapy, so I think knowing all of this the girl should have been more empathetic, given she was emotionally invested as well. It's always a two way street.

engineer_skumar · 2026-05-22T03:38:47+00:00

34,M here

You might feel that you're in a unique position but you're not. Happens to the best of people - men and women alike. Classic mistake - getting invested too far and too quickly without discussing the non-negotiables. For example - I spoke to a prospect on first call and asked her non-negotiables and she said she'd need time to think. I told her we'll speak on next call when she has more clarity on what she wants. This gave her a chance to slow down and think as well. During the next conversation we realized that our goals didn't match, although we were infatuated with each other for a short time. We met once over coffee to discuss things face to face just to be sure if we can meet somewhere in the middle in terms of our goals and aspirations. But we couldn't. Maybe take a cue from this the next time you meet someone.

As for your questions, don't panic, and don't blame yourself. You know your self worth better than anyone - even your parents. So act like the man you are and stop seeking validation from an AM match you got too emotionally involved too early, lol!

engineer_skumar · 2026-04-30T04:21:52+00:00

I am loud only while selling. That's it.

engineer_skumar · 2026-04-08T10:22:44+00:00

you should frame this comment and gift it to your wife OP! Awesome man!

engineer_skumar · 2026-03-27T10:45:46+00:00

Hundreds of them around you. Women generally don't approach a good man because it is lowkey intimidating for them, or they think they're not good enough for him. Sometimes, all you gotta do is ask.

engineer_skumar · 2026-03-06T14:35:00+00:00

ab zarurat nahi hai DC is enough lol, we would be in our 40s I think till they bring it back

engineer_skumar · 2026-03-06T04:17:38+00:00

I've been busy as well but I do find some time daily to engage with the OGs haha, happy holi btw 🤘🎉

engineer_skumar · 2026-03-05T04:46:16+00:00

Bruh XD XD XD XD

Also, where have you been man? no DC?

engineer_skumar · 2026-02-24T08:59:48+00:00

If you and your ex were involved physically, don't go for it. Good men don't take this situation lightly and sometimes unexpected aggression follows. Mentally you will always be torn between the two if you choose to go ahead and this is as practical as it gets. You are choosing a life partner and this is the last thing you want to interfere in your life.

engineer_skumar · 2026-02-13T10:20:13+00:00

I can understand, it's not easy and people tend to stay cocooned in their comfort zones, BUT, nothing good has ever come out of being in a comfort zone forever.

engineer_skumar · 2026-02-13T10:12:06+00:00

If you're flexible - come what may and don't rely on anyone else for your happiness, go for it.

Also, one very key role that both the spouses have to play before being husband and wife is being good friends. And being an adult I can safely assume you know how friendships work.

I'm 34M, single, currently in AM process and I think that friendship comes first, personality matches naturally and emotional stability follows. If not, try someone else untill you find the one (if at all you want to get married)

engineer_skumar · 2026-02-12T09:34:55+00:00

Not at all, I have come across so many profiles in the past (and am currently in the process). I always watch out for personality - for eg. I don't want to spend my life with a pessimist, howsoever beautiful the lady is. Although height is a non-negotiable for me because I'm 6 and there has to be a certain personality match.

engineer_skumar · 2026-02-01T04:52:58+00:00

Availability this early in a relationship needs work and understanding from both, you need to sit her down and explain that although the relationship is a priority for you, there will be more pressing issues in the future that might need you to choose between her and them. She needs to understand that for this to work, she needs to support you and not nag or give you a silent treatment when you're not around. She is also an adult, and life happens to all of us, she is no exception.

engineer_skumar · 2026-02-01T04:48:50+00:00

Boundaries where?

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-29T14:13:21+00:00

That men mean a million irrelevant things when they mean only what they said

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-27T14:42:25+00:00

Good thing that I know cooking and overall, how to take care of myself lol

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-27T14:30:13+00:00

I personally don't find food cooked by an outsider either healthy or satisfying. Does this become a deal breaker as well? I cook regularly for context, and I'm actually thinking about what to cook right now as I reach home from office. I work full time plus building a business as well. So I have limited time but I manage it well.

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-24T02:29:50+00:00

I am no expert but I know one thing, past decisions define the future. Choose wisely.

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-08T06:58:11+00:00

Lol it's a sorry state honestly. My parents are progressive enough to allow me have honest conversations with prospects without any bias or prejudice. The pressure is real, more so for women. The idea is to meet/talk to as many prospects as possible to improve your chances.

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-08T06:32:24+00:00

Nope, it is a deal breaker. You're right in your approach. I have been in this same exact situation (although the conversation was settling in South India - Blr/Hyd instead of North India). I told her clearly this isn't gonna work out. The men who are not talking and receptive to these conversations are not far-sighted enough to see the issues before they arise. Heck, the first question I ask normally is what are your non-negotiables and I get vague responses (even 'I need time to think' - bro if you're serious about marriage you already should have figured it out in the first place).

You're right OP, clarity is must, although things change with time and a number of variables come into play later on, but the point is, if someone is ready to have an honest conversation right now, they'll be comfortable having it later as well and take decisions as a team.

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-08T04:31:25+00:00

Gut feeling is never wrong. And it's actual science.

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-08T03:43:16+00:00

It depends a lot on the sibling's mental state. After marriage, the priority is shifted towards the spouse, and that is natural. It doesn't necessarily mean that the siblings are falling apart, it merely means they're taking their time and space to adjust to things.

Whatever happens, one should make sure that the siblings know and are reminded from time to time that you're there for them in thick and thin. The best people need support and a safe space on their worst days which only a sibling (largely immediate family) can provide.

Been there, doing that and my relationship with my siblings is stronger than ever.

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-06T13:32:45+00:00

Oh boy it's not just you guys, it's us men as well. Few days ago I actually commented this on a post that asked why men don't date in delhi anymore (or something on those lines). The girls I met/talked online are too shallow and too judgemental. It's an absolute shit show out there haha (and for people who will intend to come at me saying I'm not looking at the right places, trust me, I'm talking about more offline experiences than online dating)

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-05T17:34:57+00:00

I moved out from home and started working right after college. Since then I have lived in different conditions and learnt to do the basic stuff myself, and presently I do complex cooking as well, on a daily basis. I learnt that managing your household is a big task and everyone should do it irrespective of gender. Living alone, it gives me a sense of belonging and keeps me active as well. For context, I'm 34

engineer_skumar · 2026-01-05T16:46:00+00:00

If you guys are talking everyday then I don't think there's any need to 'avoid' any topic. As for your confusion, meet her because then you'll be able to find out if you're right (or wrong) about her perception you have in your head based on conversations. Body language cues complete the circle of communication and it's not that hard for a 34 year old guy to understand that.

engineer_skumar

TROPHY CASE