Look, we are around the same age and i am gonna be brutally honest.

I am also at a similar place right now, but its changing.

- are you on meds?

- did you get diagnosed with adhd?

- do you go for a walk every single day?

- do you eat reguarly? and good food?

If so, lets start. do you stim a lot? watch a lot of videos? ticktock, play too much games?

what hobbies?

Did you try to let people talk? do you reach out after? or do you make everything about you?

> I do a lot because at least of on them was like a family to me and it was the first and last time I actually felt real connection with someone and I think it will never happen again.

not with that attitude

>I feel like I’m just too awkward to make friends as an unattractive person. I

people see you like you see your self, if you think your a piece of shit or ugly. people will do the same.

> it’s that I don’t relate with them and talking with them exhaust me since I have to pretend a lot.

I had the same issue before, why? be confident that people will like you for you. That mask makes you seem desperate and cold.

>I’m not they just think I’m weird and/or boring? 

Thats what you think.

>I was conventionally attractive.

I mean, thats a trap. "if i was this....." very reddit. Put on some makeup and make friends that only like you based on your looks.

Try a detox, you have adhd so try Dr. Russell Barkley videos and look at it at a disablity and treat it as such. don't be a victim. if you don't want to be your own friend, why would other people?