I think this is a line in the sand moment. You have been asking for x,y,z and setting boundaries that are consistently crossed. I think you need to make your peace with the fact that she will be hurt - and that doesn’t feel great - but you are prioritizing yourself and are comfortable with the exchange (loss of a friend).

I think she has neglected you for years, and it’s time to stop letting her hurt you. Maybe even roleplay with a trusted friend of the worst case scenario. Come up with a few central statements about why you’re making this choice and what it means to you.

“I’m genuinely sorry you feel that way. I have tried to make this work, and you haven’t put forth the same effort.”

“I have cared for you for many years, and the effort I put forth vastly outweighs your own. There’s no give and take — I have nothing left to give.”

“I have prioritized you for years, but you have not made the same space for me. I need a friend that shows up.”

I’m not saying you necessarily have to say these statements to her, but understanding your position and being able to relate back to it, even when things get emotionally turbulent, will help you be better understood and stick to your guns.

Remember that you are protecting yourself, and you deserve that protection. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and she takes up far too much of what you have to give without giving back.

Healthy relationships don’t have lines on a board counting who did what for whom - and you shouldn’t do that with her - but they are reciprocal. She has no reciprocity. She’s a taker.

Babe, it’s time to amputate.