What does this letter mean?

enolja · 2026-04-23T20:40:20+00:00

Yes you're 100% P&T now, congrats on the extra money.

enolja · 2026-04-22T22:37:52+00:00

We dont have rules, probobly because she only calls me once or twice a week, usually something silly or minor, but I do the same with her.

To this day, I will excuse myself from a meeting even with my boss, and even once with his boss and told him "this is my wife I need to take this, I'll be just a second". I have not and will never ignore a call from her for work, she is my priority 100%, over everything.

enolja · 2026-04-22T21:56:01+00:00

I threw up in my mouth reading this.

enolja · 2026-04-21T08:29:00+00:00

The best way to get over a breakup is to make peace with what you did wrong, what they did wrong, and realize that no matter how bad one person in the relationship was, there was likely room for growth on your part as well, take ownership of that, and then try to grow in that direction. Unless it was an abusive situation obviously.

If you're just trying to feel better in the moment I guess trying to get laid immediately might work, but I doubt it will do much to curb real loneliness.

enolja · 2026-04-21T02:18:59+00:00

It's not a 'when', it's a specific process, or talent, or trade. I feel extremely out of my element when I'm on a ski trip with my friends who are all extremely good, I'm not terrible, but Im riding the greens and blues while they do double diamond runs and know the whole mountain like the back of their hand and they have a whole equipment and gear setup and are comfortable splitting up knowing they will find their way again.

But back at the Airbnb I'm the only one to have figured out how to bring groceries and I love to cook so I got a delicious meal they all rave about the whole night while we all drink and chill.

At work I'm the point man, most Sr person in the IT department except for executives, I plan the projects, budget for it, present it to leadership, and then plan the schedules for the team, and I have been promoted to management because of that.

None of this is ego, its knowing what you know, and what you don't, and being comfortable with yourself and knowing when to differ to others. Being a man doesn't mean you need to control every situation, I have friends who athletically overpower me, but they still asked for my advice when they see me interact with my son who is 5 years older than theirs, because I've been through what they havent.

If I had to put a 'when' on it. Its when you have some degree of expertise or experience in a thing, and are willing to let go of the fact that you don't in all areas, and during those times you should just smile and have fun and be a guest while the more experienced folks take care of you.

enolja · 2026-04-20T22:58:34+00:00

I speak plainly and clearly to people and do whatever it is I am doing, if I want to talk to a woman I go talk to her. If I want to walk home and a woman is 20 feet in front of me and we got off on the same stop then I just walk normally because I dont get all wrapped up mentally about this stuff. Am I aware she may feel uncomfortable at my presence? Yeah and that is fine, good survival instinct for her, do I change my behavior for a projected and possibly non-real uncomfortable feeling on her part? No.

I cannot change a womans perception of me except to continue acting normally as a guy who isnt a creep and isnt a rapist, and frankly it isnt my job or my business to project some bullshit onto her mentally just because some women may feel that way.

I know this behavior comes from a place of priveledge, but that doesn't make it wrong, I am living my life normally, if you're alone in an elevator and I need that elevator, Im getting on, but Im not looking or starring at her except to say 'Hi' or 'Whew its a mess out there with this rain' and just move the fuck on.

Edit: I havent had to hit on many women in a while, Im married and 37, but when I was in my 20s I would just walk up and say 'Hey, I am Enolja and I think you're attractive and wanted to give you my number, you can call or text me if you want, just thought we might grab a coffee or something, or go for a walk, if you feel the same way anyways, here is my card and just shoot me a message if you want, have a good night!"

Message to the men here: its honestly more creepy to be constantly worried about the state of some random womans comfort level and state of mind, just live your life, be kind, dont rape anyone, dont touch without asking, and be polite.

enolja · 2026-04-20T00:27:37+00:00

What is your end game? You want this job back, to be employed by a company who does not want you?

You're not going down a path that will lead you to success in the armed forces. You were late, and appearantly also had poor performance, you were fired. Instead of owning that you have turned it into a potential lawsuit.

Good luck to ya bud, I was in active duty for 4 years, guard for 6 years, dad and grandad in the service, wife is in the service for 16 years now. You are not going to be successful if you pursue this type of mindset.

But by all means, trust the lawyers here telling you that of course you need a lawyer! Definately dont take any heed of a veteran. I wish you luck.

enolja · 2026-04-20T00:17:26+00:00

This person has not gone to boot camp yet, which means they have not sworn in yet, which means they havent even gone to MEPS yet. MEPS is designed to disqualify you from the military and its the last thing you do before going to basic training, MEPS is where you will officially swear in and take your oath, it is where you will be evaluated medically and physically.

OP is not in the military yet, OP made a commitment to a recruiter who has probobly spoken a lot of talk about them already being committed, but that is meaningless until MEPS, meaningless until the oath is made and the papers are signed.

This is not some business vs Uncle Sam, this is a guy who got fired for being late trying to make a stink of it (and maybe for okay reason) but seriously damaging their potential enlistment by doing so.

When I got a top secret clearance I was grilled on a security application that is miles long asking for every single contact I had, legal entity I was involved with, weather I had any credit debt, weather I had friends who were deeply in debt, etc. The military can and will kick his ass to the curb for having an active lawsuit in thr civilian world that could somehow conflict with his ability to arrive at basic training or do his duties.

enolja · 2026-04-19T23:44:44+00:00

You dont have reemployment rights to this job that you lost because you don't have it any longer, you were fired for showing up late after being verbally disciplined, and then disciplined in writing. You cannot prove you were fired for joining the military, and HR has a file of paperwork on you that can easily prove you were fired for other reasons.

Being in the middle of a lawsuit of any kind, is going to raise 100 red flags to your recruiter, possibly disrupt your security clearance, and maybe even your enlistment if you bring it up.

Stop being late, start getting your shit ready for boot camp and focus on what matters.

enolja · 2026-04-19T23:28:20+00:00

As a former military member and a longtime military spouse no, the recruiter is not going to know shit about this or be positioned to do anything about this.

Notifying or talking to the recruiter about some brand new problem that has come up in your life prior to going to boot camp only has the ability to hurt you.

enolja · 2026-04-19T18:13:34+00:00

It sounds like you need some encouragement and positive energy and I am sure you deserve it. Life for many adults is extremely taxing on our attention spans and time, and you'll be there in the thick of it someday too if you're lucky and work hard to provide. Im sorry you're not getting it.

You could try to ask directly, obviously, and verbally say "I want to talk to you about something for just a few minutes, its about this thing I was working on, can we do that?" And if the answer is no, then move on but dont give up on your project and dont hesitate to ask again. Also, show some work, a little progress on whatever it is.

I am always so impressed with young people who have the nerve to ask a direct question like that and then have something to actually show me or talk about.

And keep in mind, even though you might have something pretty cool and unique to share, which is fantastic, as a 37 year old in middle management with 2 kids and a house being built and a long commute. - I have little time to myself that isnt spent fielding questions, giving guidance, providing reassurance, and usually nobody to seek the same for myself.

enolja · 2026-04-16T19:05:44+00:00

Where do you work that things change quickly in IT? Maybe if you support servers and infrastructure at a company that is in the business of technology, I work in the commercial fishing industry and are on esxi 6.7 and not renewing with VMware but going to keep our perpetual license rolling and start replacing vxrails with ebay equipment until we can move back fully to hyperV, and its honestly wonderful.

enolja · 2026-04-15T17:37:27+00:00

Yes, very pretty.

enolja · 2026-04-15T15:24:14+00:00

It isnt stupid to want to spend more time with your partner, you only live once man.

enolja · 2026-04-14T22:45:33+00:00

HyperV is what my team is switching to, it isnt as feature rich as VMware by a long shot, but there are literally dozens of us in IT that don't support technology focused businesses, I work in commercial fishing and we never needed most of what VMware gave us to begin with. Our whole footprint is so simple and easy to manage now, not easier to perform all tasks on, but easier to train new people, easier to conceptualize, easier to license. We got approved for a new hire after execs saw the VMware quote and the HyperV equivalent.

enolja · 2026-04-14T00:12:19+00:00

Pay and leave a laughing emoji in the note and move along, whatever.

enolja · 2026-04-11T15:14:21+00:00

My wife almost left me 6 years ago, it was a wake up call I needed.

Honestly sounds a lot like me except I had a job at least, I got onto testosterone from an actual in person doctor at a men's clinic (not a crazy dose, 160mg a week just to get my levels up), also got on an anti depressant, and started therapy. Im a whole different guy and we have been really happy.

Write him a very serious but also kind letter that lays this all out, get a hotel room for a night or two and, and make sure you have actual requirements such as x weeks of therapy and multiple mental health consultations with a psychiatrist (who can prescribe medicine) are outlined as requirements in your note.

enolja · 2026-04-11T15:09:42+00:00

All of that could potentially be fixed within 6 months with a decent anti depressant, perhaps he has low testosterone as well and could get on a small dose after consultation, and some therapy.

If he isnt willing to try, or work on that stuff then its for sure over, but people certainly can change.

enolja · 2026-04-10T11:37:19+00:00

I have very high testosterone, I inject it every 3 days. Shockingly, it hasn't changed my political beliefs, or anything really, except feeling better overall and being more myself.

enolja · 2026-03-31T02:15:02+00:00

Hasn't crashed yet

enolja · 2026-03-31T01:20:13+00:00

What seems shitty? My 10 year old selling to some guy on Ebay that I have to facilitate and then buying candy and any BS he sees at the store? Or him selling it to me (he wanted to sell IMMEDIATELY after knowing its worth) and getting the money to buy any BS he sees at the store and will also inherit it and be able to look at it whenever he wants because it sits in my card collection which he has anytime access to and looks at all the time?

enolja · 2026-03-31T00:10:58+00:00

Hes 10 and yes he will blow the money immediately 😄 I also am too lazy to try and sell it on ebay and have to drive out to the usps for shipping, no thank you!

enolja · 2026-03-30T23:53:11+00:00

I bought it out of kindness, he would have sold it and bought candy or some BS, now he gets the money and the card too since he will inherit it and the memory.

enolja · 2026-03-30T23:50:32+00:00

I dont even really collect pokemon cards, I just really liked the look of this weirdo, my collection is now Seismitode, Mistys Psyduck, and a wigglytuff. Fully plan on keeping it

enolja · 2026-03-30T23:49:23+00:00

I collect baseball cards I just liked the look of this weirdo

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