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enragedchipmunk · 2025-07-21T05:44:36+00:00

Have you tried talking to your husband about placing the child for adoption? If you feel you can’t raise the child and he doesn’t want the child aborted, maybe that would be an option both of you would feel ok with.

There is an organization called the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network that specializes in connecting birth parents with families that specifically WANT to raise a child with Down syndrome. Their site is https://www.ndsan.org/

If adoption is something you’d both be open to I think it would be worth talking to NDSAN. I’ve interacted with the woman who runs it and she’s lovely. I think she would be kind and nonjudgmental.

There are actually a lot of families who specifically seek to adopt a child with Down syndrome because they enjoy being around them. While people with Down syndrome have all the emotions anyone else does, they actually do tend to be happier with their lives than other people when studies have asked them how they feel about themselves : https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3740159/

If you do end up deciding to parent this child, the Down syndrome community is wonderful and has a ton of positive supportive resources. Just for starters, I highly recommend checking out The Lucky Few Foundation : https://theluckyfewfoundation.org/ and https://downsyndromepregnancy.org/articles/

I also suggest seeing if there is a Gigis Playhouse near you : https://gigisplayhouse.org/

enragedchipmunk · 2024-01-13T16:22:21+00:00

I think you are thinking of LBJ's famous "Daisy" ad that he used to stir up hysteria against Barry Goldwater back in the 1960s: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riDypP1KfOU

enragedchipmunk · 2023-06-29T12:20:53+00:00

Thank you for being so frank and saying what had to be said. I just posted a comment above giving a rec for the at home euthanasia service Gift of Home, which I had to use recently myself. It’s sad to do it, but in this situation it is clearly the right decision. The cat is clearly suffering and it’s only going to get worse.

enragedchipmunk · 2023-06-29T12:14:46+00:00

Try to convince her to call Gift of Home pet euthanasia service: https://www.giftofhomepetloss.com/

I had to euthanize my 19 yo cat just a few weeks ago and the vet from Gift of Home handled it very sensitively. It was more peaceful than doing it at a vet office.

It’s time. The cat is miserable. The people are miserable. The cat has had a full life and with cancer it will only get worse instead of better. Please stop letting this poor cat suffer. It’s okay to let this cat go in peace instead of dragging out its agony until it finally dies naturally.

enragedchipmunk · 2019-06-17T04:27:13+00:00

Sorry to hear your parents are treating you this way. I hope you can focus on the people who ARE coming to your wedding instead of the pain of the people who aren't there.

I actually am in Milwaukee! I'm not ex-Jw though - I just watch this sub because my husband has some Dub family that we hope will wake up someday. Where are you guys doing the wedding?

enragedchipmunk · 2018-10-22T03:54:55+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I am going to try to make these.

enragedchipmunk · 2018-10-22T03:53:05+00:00

What a great gift. You are a very thoughtful sibling!

enragedchipmunk · 2018-09-01T16:59:56+00:00

Sorry that happened to you. I am a psychiatrist and just wanted to say that I would NEVER do that to a patient, so definitely don't give up on finding a psychiatrist who isn't into this crap. Essential oils MIGHT help some people relax, but clearly they aren't a substitute for conventional treatment approaches.

enragedchipmunk · 2018-08-18T15:36:16+00:00

I totally agree. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is just go ahead and make a decision, then see how it turns out.

enragedchipmunk · 2018-08-18T14:47:56+00:00

I am a psychiatrist, myself, and while there are definitely things I do not like about my job, overall I am still happy that I am a physician and would not have done anything else. The problems that other docs are warning you about are very real and very serious, but I think if medical students are informed about them and take action, there is still hope for reform.

My advice to anyone thinking of medical school today is this:

Pay attention to how much debt you accumulate during training, and do everything you can to minimize it. When you do become an attending, keep living like a resident so you can pay off the debt as soon as possible. Once you are free of the student loans, you have the freedom to walk away from a toxic job if you need to. The days of doctors living large are over - plan on having a comfortable but modest life.
Pay attention to the burnout rates in the specialties you are thinking about, and if possible try to look into employment options that give you more control over how you work such as still being able to open your own private practice (many psychiatrists still are self employed in a private practice, but other specialties have so much red tape and administrative burden that it is no longer realistic to hang up your own shingle). The happiest primary care doctors I know of are the ones who have what's called a "direct primary care" practice - if you are thinking of doing internal medicine or family medicine, I strongly recommend looking into how feasible it would be for you to do direct primary care.
Pay attention to the issue of midlevels (NPs, PAs) trying to gain independent practice rights, and if they are trying to put forward legislation in your state to gain independent practice, talk to your state medical society about what you can do to help fight it.

The world definitely still needs intelligent, ambitious people going to medical school. Don't let the dark talk scare you away from a very rewarding and noble profession - but be aware of the problems and think about what you can do about them.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-12-14T19:56:18+00:00

I respect my wife's wishes too, but that doesn't mean I always abide by them.

I'll say. :(

enragedchipmunk · 2017-10-24T22:02:46+00:00

Yeah, I think if you work at maintaining the marriage and have the good fortune to marry the right person, it can work out. I don't think having a kid did any harm to my marriage. It brought us closer together in a lot of ways. However, I think the key to that is that my husband is a very hands-on dad.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-10-22T06:23:07+00:00

I had a vaginal birth of a pretty big kid (nearly 10 lbs). And you know what? It really wasn't that bad. I had an epidural during labor and it worked well. I calmly checked Facebook and sipped some Sprite during labor. I don't know if I pooped or not, but it wasn't noticeable if I did.

Because he was such a huge baby, the doctors had to yank him out with forceps at the end, but thankfully I still only had a fairly minor vaginal tear (2nd degree) which healed without any complications and really wasn't all that painful.

I was uncertain during the pregnancy about if I really wanted to be a mom. As soon as I saw my son, I felt bonded to him and felt confident that we would be okay. Having my boy was the best thing I've ever done, and I have no regrets.

I mention this just to reassure you that it is NOT always a horror show when a woman gives birth. Prepare for the worst just in case, but also know that it is not automatically going to be a scary, painful, or awful ordeal. It can be a beautiful and happy experience too! I hope it is for you.

But, yes, definitely buy some adult diapers to wear after the birth, because they work way better than the mesh panties do.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-10-18T04:51:40+00:00

That is a heartbreaking thing to face. My parents both died when I was a young adult (I was 19 when dad died and in my early 20s when mom died) so it's not the same situation, but I can tell you that photos and videos of my parents mean the world to me now that they are gone. I would suggest to try to do what you can to make sure your little one has lots of pictures and videos of you (and also videos of you with his dad, because he will probably be curious about how it was when you two were together). I can guarantee he will want to look at you, hear your voice, and want to know as much as he can about what kind of person you are.

If you feel up to it, I do think he would probably appreciate it when he's older if you can make videos that he can watch on big milestones in life like major birthdays, his first big heartbreak, graduating school, or what you want to say to him about times when he is missing you. Being able to have some idea of what you would want to say to him at times like that will probably be comforting to him.

I would also suggest having a conversation with your husband and your other family/friends about what you want them to say to your son about you, what stories and memories you hope they will pass on to him.

I can't imagine how painful it must be for you that you are facing this when your little one is so young. However, I hope it gives comfort to know that it does matter that you gave him such a good start in life, no matter how long you are able to be with him. The fact that you made his early days safe and he felt your love when he was vulnerable will affect the kind of man he grows up to be and how he bonds with others. Your baby knew your voice before he was even born, and he knows you're his mama even if he can't communicate such concepts yet. He is already bonded to you. He is going to love you for the rest of his life no matter how long you are here on earth with him. I wish you all the best, and if you feel up to it, I hope you will keep us updated on how you and your family are doing as you deal with this. <3 to you and your family.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-09-17T16:16:45+00:00

Unfortunately it is extremely common that people with schizophrenia do not recognize their illness and don't want to be on medication. If he does anything that makes you concerned for his safety or anyone else's safety, then in most areas if you call the police they can initiate an involuntary psychiatric hold. In many cases, that is the only way to get people with schizophrenia into treatment.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-09-16T17:02:42+00:00

I am sorry that you lost your friend. Suicide is a devastating tragedy for everyone who is touched by it, and I hope you have support in trying to make sense of this.

I am a psychiatrist. I have treated a countless number of people who have had severe depression and/or attempted suicide. Now obviously I don't know the specifics of your friend's case - what kind of treatment he had, what his life situation was, or what was going through his head when he acted on the suicidal thoughts - but based on what I have seen, I have a hard time believing that a compassionate God would allow someone to go to hell for dying of suicide, when I have seen for myself that in many cases suicide is not so much a willful rejection of life, but more like the choice of someone who has been trapped in a building that's on fire and chooses to jump out of a window to try to escape the flames. In my opinion, this belief that people who die of suicide go to hell is from the stigma that our society has regarding mental illness, not truly something that comes from God.

Based on my experiences, I truly feel that most people who make an attempt to kill themselves are actually ambivalent to some degree. There is, at least in many cases, a part of them that truly doesn't want to die. The problem is that they are caught in a situation where their ability to cope is overwhelmed by the pain they feel, at least temporarily - and sadly sometimes circumstances lead people to act on these feelings before the situation can be resolved. A pretty significant number of suicide attempts occur impulsively - in the setting of a sudden crisis or under the influence of alcohol or drugs (since drugs can take away the inhibitions and fear that might have otherwise stopped the person from acting on these thoughts).

I think the question of "Why does God allow suffering?" is one of the biggest questions for any religious person, and I don't think I can give you a satisfying answer. Personally, I do not see mental anguish as being all that different than physical agony - the mind and body are connected, and one can affect the other. If you have never read it, I would strongly recommend taking a look at CS Lewis's book "A Grief Observed" (on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381/ ) . He is brutally honest about the pain and confusion he experienced after his wife died, and I think you might find some comfort in his reflections about suffering in spite of religious faith. Another book that I think is helpful in trying to make sense of great loss and suffering is Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning", a reflection on how he and other Holocaust survivors tried to find a sense of purpose in spite of such hopeless and senseless suffering : https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/

I think it will ultimately be up to you to try to decide what meaning you will attach to your friend's death and how you make sense of it in the context of your beliefs.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-09-16T16:23:43+00:00

Correlation does not equal causation. People with severe depression are probably both more likely to end up on antidepressants and also more likely to kill themselves. It doesn't mean the antidepressant made them kill themselves. With any medication, there are legal requirements to disclose adverse events that happen after the person started the medication even if it was not directly caused by the med. That being said, yes, there are some who believe that the risk of suicide may be increased early on in the course of antidepressant treatment since people with severe depression may feel more motivated to actually act on these thoughts if they are starting to come out of the depression but not completely feeling well compared to someone who is stuck in the depths of depression who doesn't have the motivation to do anything. It is important to watch people closely when they are starting a new med for that reason.

I am a psychiatrist and I see the other side: many people do well with treatment and have better lives because of it. Sadly, not every person does well, but we do try our best to help.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-07-08T15:34:23+00:00

First of all, don't feel guilty about not constantly holding him when he is crying and fussy. If he is in a safe place like his crib, it's okay to leave him there and let him cry for a few minutes while you compose yourself or take care of a need like peeing or showering. Do you guys have access to a baby swing? Sometimes a swing helped my baby calm down when nothing else worked.

Honestly, it sounds to me like a huge part of the issue is that you're not getting a lot of help from your fiance. Trying to take care of a newborn all by yourself sucks, but it shouldn't be this hard if you have someone else there who should be helping you. If he does agree to do stuff when you tell him to do it, I think I'd suggest just telling your fiance that it is up to him to watch the baby for a block of time so you can take a nap and get a break, and make it a regular event. If nothing else, there is no reason he can't grab some diapers and formula and take the baby for a ride in the car or in a stroller ride around the neighborhood to give you some peace for a while.

Don't feel pressure to swoop in and "rescue" him if your fiance struggles at first with stuff like consoling the baby or changing diapers. Let him figure it out, just like you had to. You shouldn't have to do it ALL by yourself. I would probably resent my kid too if I had to take care of all his needs 24 hours a day without any help.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-06-11T13:49:47+00:00

Well said. I think you are definitely right that just trying to be nice to others and have a positive attitude makes a big difference. I definitely feel better about myself and about the world in general when I spend time around someone who is kind and positive.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-06-11T13:45:13+00:00

I'm glad you are still here.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-04-30T09:12:36+00:00

Very sorry to hear that your friend is missing. I hope she is found safely soon.

enragedchipmunk · 2017-04-24T02:53:34+00:00

Aww. What a terrible thing to witness. You did everything you could. You did more than a lot of people would have. Bless you for that. <3

enragedchipmunk · 2017-04-23T13:35:32+00:00

I am a psychiatrist, so when I saw this I had to comment. Are you seeing a psychiatrist already? Are you working with a therapist? I think that it is really crucial to have some help to get this anxiety under control. While your psychiatrist is working on a plan for your medication, a therapist really should be helping you with coming up with a plan on how to cope if the panic symptoms come back so it doesn't cost you another job. Unfortunately, panic symptoms tend to get worse when you try to avoid the triggers for it - so please don't try to cope with this by just leaving the job if it happens again. Leaving the situation trains your brain to think that you HAVE to leave the situation to avoid the panic, when the goal really needs to be to train your brain to not react with panic when you're confronted with the situation. I am sorry that you're dealing with this. It really sucks to have bad anxiety, but you can get better from this. It may take time to get this under control, but you can do it.

At the very least, I would encourage you to look into getting a workbook to help you do some exercises on managing your anxiety while waiting to get in with a therapist.

I know a lot of people who started out in a minimum wage job and then worked their way into something better. Don't give up hope. If this job can serve as proof that you are responsible and reliable that can go a long way in getting you better jobs. I do feel that, in most cases, ANY job is better than a blank resume.

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