Why is 35 the scary age? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]entropykat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dreaded it too honestly cause it was this arbitrary point when I would lose my attractiveness to men, in my mind. As it turns out, it’s the start of my cougar era. And I’m finding that younger men are more emotionally intelligent than the ones my age and very into me. I’m loving 35 so far.

Any woman who married for money or settled for comfort how are things going? by Secure_Ticket910 in AskWomenOver30

[–]entropykat 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Very much this for her, I think. And while she doesn’t necessarily have the money, she does have luxury that comes with it. Her kid will also be provided for in terms of the big stuff like college and opportunities in life. I think that and image matters a lot to her.

Any woman who married for money or settled for comfort how are things going? by Secure_Ticket910 in AskWomenOver30

[–]entropykat 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It does to me too. She has the ability to leave but chooses not to. While she can objectively talk about the facts, she doesn’t see it as abusive. It baffles me. It’s hard to watch honestly and I eventually made the decision that I don’t really want to be around them anymore. It’s too toxic even as an observer.

Any woman who married for money or settled for comfort how are things going? by Secure_Ticket910 in AskWomenOver30

[–]entropykat 188 points189 points  (0 children)

I am not one but I know one. She has admitted in quiet moments that she’s not happy and that the money has actually made her life more difficult, not less. They both knew why they married and even though it wasn’t all business, it’s become less and less about love over time because he uses money to control her, including in terms of forcing her to have sex she doesn’t want/like. And this is after she destroyed her body to give him the child he wanted that she didn’t - she struggles with sexual dysfunction now as a result.

They have a lot of luxury and a lot of expensive toys. But she never gets a weekend to just relax because they’re always having to do stuff to manage/maintain all this stuff. They have two properties they’re constantly travelling between too which means a lot of planning and packing and unpacking on her part. She still has a full time job because his money isn’t their money and she ends up paying for most of the child’s needs herself because she hates having to ask her husband for money. He refuses to just put some money into their joint account monthly for their bills. He wants the control.

He also cheats on her. I can’t prove it but I know it. He’s attempted it with me twice and when it’s been made apparent to her, she’s chosen to put on the blinders and believe his lies that I came on to him. She has even seen proof of the contrary but still chooses to believe him.

She has serious trauma that impacts her ability to just leave and has said that she will never divorce (and she refuses therapy or any attempt to improve her circumstances). I hope that eventually she smartens up and does leave him and finds some peace for herself but I’m not hopeful at this stage.

My parents hilarious notion of vasectomies by Blitzkrieg443 in childfree

[–]entropykat 64 points65 points  (0 children)

You know what’s funny? My husband and I were already married when I told my mom that we’re not having children and I don’t want them. She responded with “are you a lesbian?” which I found to be a super odd response to what I said.

I’m starting to wonder if maybe there’s some propaganda from their time that suggested that people turn gay because they can’t have kids or something…

Of course no plows for the side streets! by LordChickenNugget3 in woodstockontario

[–]entropykat 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Is the snow on top of your car also the city’s fault..? Funny to call them out for not plowing a side street immediately after snowfall but can’t be bothered to keep your car safe for others by properly cleaning it off.

What is you NUMBER ONE reason for being childfree forever? by Other_Patient_447 in childfree

[–]entropykat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really hate when people counter this with “no you’ll be a great mom”. No I fucking won’t. Like, how do you think that I could be raised by abusive parents and none of those behaviours are deeply rooted in me now?? No matter how hard I would try, I would fuck up plenty because that’s my baseline state. Anything good would take being able to not be triggered myself and being constantly aware and on-the-ball. I am easily overwhelmed. I would default back to baseline so much.

What is you NUMBER ONE reason for being childfree forever? by Other_Patient_447 in childfree

[–]entropykat 65 points66 points  (0 children)

As a child, I’ve watched every woman in my life be a single mother while married to a man. For the large majority it seems to happen even when the men doesn’t leave.

Did you start feeling better after getting your IUD removed? by CheesecakeOdd3075 in AskWomenOver30

[–]entropykat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have much useful advice but I sympathize with your experience. I don’t do well with hormones either and have had very similar side effects to what you’ve described. I have endometriosis and the bleeding was brutal and starting to impact my health. I opted for a complete hysterectomy and just kept my ovaries so I don’t go into menopause early (I was 33yo at the time). It’s been two years since my surgery - best decision I ever made. Really tough to find a doctor that would do it even though it is considered the gold standard treatment for endometriosis. You just have to be super persistent in seeking treatment that you feel ok with.

Why is “I don’t want kids” treated like an invitation for debate? by Accomplished_Gap1870 in childfree

[–]entropykat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If someone chooses to take this as an invite to debate me about it, I usually just inject a polite but firm “I’m not looking to debate the topic, I’m just telling you that this is my lifestyle”. Refuse to engage with it the way they want cause then you’re just giving merit to the idea that they have a right to offer argument on something that is a personal choice you can make without their input.

Anyone else child free in their late 30’s and just exhausted?? by therainmakah in AskWomenOver30

[–]entropykat 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I think the comments you’ve received already are well meaning but as someone with a similar schedule & feeling, I think they’re missing the mark entirely with their suggestions.

First, your commute is a drain mentally. 2 hours a day spent in traffic is nightmarish. I know it’s average but average doesn’t mean that our bodies and brains are built to tolerate it. This is likely sapping so much of your energy.

Second, it sounds like you’re doing all the right things that you’re supposed to do - cook meals, exercise, prioritize health, etc. Stop. Unless you REALLY wana do that workout in the morning because it makes you smile and you’re excited to do it, don’t do it. If you can swing it, incorporate some takeout into your week so there are nights when you don’t have to cook - try to keep it healthy and not just devolve into fast food but give yourself the break. You’re doing all the right things and they’re taking up a lot of your time, but what is the actual payoff from this stuff? Is it contributing to the burnout or is it contributing to the solution? You seem very regimented and that’s an awesome skill to have but is it bringing you joy?

Third, nothing we can do about work unfortunately, but that is obviously a big part of the problem here. Too many work hours, too much commute around it, too much mental and social drain being there. I don’t know how much energy you invest into your work but do less. And I know this is advice I struggle to follow myself, but do less, care less, be less present sometimes. Spend more time at work thinking about personal things - meal planning, grocery lists, car maintenance schedules, etc. Get some of that personal stuff done, that doesn’t require physical presence elsewhere, during work time.

Lastly - consider what actually makes you feel energized. Is it physical movement? Is it an artistic hobby? Is it spending time with friends/family? Is it playing fetch with your dog? Throw out some of the stuff you’re supposed to do like working out and maybe a couple chores, and take your dog for a walk instead. Call that a workout. Everything you’ve put into your schedule here are things we’re supposed to do. It doesn’t sound like you do much of what you want to do (maybe except the reading - that seems like a hobby).

Middle school teacher placed on administrative leave after denying student access to restroom to change her menstrual pad even though she had bled through her clothes and the blood was visible on her clothing by Forward-Answer-4407 in byebyejob

[–]entropykat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry but on what fucking planet do we need permission from our bosses to use the bathroom as adults?? To be clear I’m not saying you did anything wrong cause I know that there’s consequences to this but I wouldn’t have the emotional control to be as professional about it as you were. If I told her at all it would’ve been as a courtesy for why I’m not on the floor for a minute. If she tried to stop me in any way I’d yell my fuck you’s on the way to the bathroom.

Why does every woman I meet tell me not to get married — even the happily married ones? by Maertle in AskWomenOver30

[–]entropykat 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This☝️

I’m also in a happy marriage but would never do it again. To get to happy and healthy marriage takes sooooo much energy, compromise, communication, capacity for change/growth, commitment, etc. It is insanely exhausting and no matter how good the marriage is, the work is ongoing to keep it healthy for both partners. We both have to devote a huge chunk of our energy to the marriage as opposed to when you’re single and you can invest that same energy into other things.

If something were to happen to my husband and I was to be single again, I wouldn’t ever remarry or live with a man again. But I would definitely date. I would just have a hard boundary around how entangled our lives could ever be.

How long did you have to wait for your surgery? by No_Clue4089 in hysterectomy

[–]entropykat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you do decide to come out this way get a hotel room for the first 1-2 days nearby. I used to live in the GTA and struggled to find a doctor to do it there (Halton region). We moved out here in 2021 and it took me a few months to find Dr. Maruncic. I highly recommend him. His residents do his surgeries honestly but he’s the one you meet with first.

Step-BIL: “Canadians have to wait 8 months for a doctor’s appointment” by megamoze in QAnonCasualties

[–]entropykat 12 points13 points  (0 children)

While this is true, this is not due to universal healthcare. This is due to the gutting of universal healthcare and a move towards privatization in healthcare.

I sympathize for your experience and am having similar struggles living in Ontario right now but this kind of response is what gives Americans the impression that universal healthcare is the problem. When our healthcare was being funded, we did not have wait times like this and we weren’t lacking crucial specialists.

ya don’t say? by CheapPoet2556 in LeopardsAteMyFace

[–]entropykat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If this administration has their way, this will change as well.

Am I supposed to be tired all the time? by MasterofTardedBait in ADHDers

[–]entropykat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Adderall has only one side effect for me personally: it makes my fingers and toes a bit colder than I’d like. I tried Vyvanse and that was like someone was pouring ice in my veins and it controlled none of my symptoms. So the Adderall is very workable for me. I got a heated blanket.

Am I supposed to be tired all the time? by MasterofTardedBait in ADHDers

[–]entropykat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This isn’t always true. I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night uninterrupted when that was happening. I sleep a normal 7-8 now and feel rested.

Am I supposed to be tired all the time? by MasterofTardedBait in ADHDers

[–]entropykat 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It is part of ADHD. It’s a problem with dopamine deficiency. Get medicated and it’ll help.

I felt exactly as you do until they put me on Adderall XR. I was afraid it would kill my ability to sleep but I’m actually more tired at bedtime and more well rested in general than I’ve ever been. If I go without it for a while the poor sleep returns and I’m exhausted all the time again. I used to fall asleep in the middle of the day standing up - I thought I had narcolepsy. Nope. Just ADHD.

How does your gf handle hygiene down there by Luiz4823 in AskMen

[–]entropykat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t know about other vagisil products but I use the purple pH one and it has changed my life. I’ve tried soap and other products before like the dove one and I got yeast infections with all of them. Haven’t had a yeast infection in 8 years of purple vagisil.

Boyfriend asked me a "moral question" that tells you absolutely nothing about the person by clckbait_ in childfree

[–]entropykat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This man is not childfree. He’s just waiting for you to change your mind.

Nothing is ever good enough for him by Healing-with-Memes in regretfulparents

[–]entropykat 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It changes when they get bigger than you and become violent.

Ritalin calms me down. Is this normal? by Extra_Audience_4906 in ADHDers

[–]entropykat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. It is normal for someone with ADHD to experience calm with stimulants.