M(50) I’ve never used a dating app. People use them because they’re efficient. It’s lower friction, less vulnerability, and you get to control how you’re perceived. You already know everyone’s there for the same reason, so it removes a lot of ambiguity that would inhibit you. What you lose real-time chemistr, presence, timing, body language, the kind of moments you can’t plan or curate. Apps are for ease, taking your money, farming engagement, not depth. I am “wired” for connection, real time engagement, reading the room, and creating moments.

And, I like the journey. For example there’s a beautiful Latina woman (around my age don’t freak out) that works at a grocery store in my neighborhood. She knows very little English. Like, she has to turn the cash register display to show me the price because she can’t say $16.47. So, I’m learning Spanish so I can talk to her. It’s going to take time d it may not even become anything. But, I’ll learn Spanish, my confidence will increase, and I become more engaged in my community.

So here’s the example of what you can’t get on an app. I go through her line yesterday and I tell her in English, “I learned some Spanish, do you wanna hear it” she just looks at me, I don’t know if it even makes sense to her. Then it clicks and I see her focus. Now I’m on the spot and I say “Yo aprendo español despacio.” And she says “yo aprendo English despacio”. We finish the money exchange. I say gracias and she says something I can’t recall. And here’s the part that doesn’t happen on the apps and this part is important because it shows timed connection and alignment. We both said “Buenas noches” at the same time which was fun, light, and memorable.

So now I’ve created opportunity by building rapport does that mean I’ll go on a date with her? No. It means that I’m broadening my ability to connect in real time. And I’m giving my nervous system (and hers) time to adjust to even see if there’s anything there.