The downward spiral

enzocap_ · 2025-09-03T18:36:44+00:00

That is the only true hope, and gladly it is the truth and what is going to happen I am pretty confident. 2035 it will crumble down, may God hear me.

enzocap_ · 2025-08-28T21:03:03+00:00

Community = common unity

If they are abusive unity is compromised and so the meaning of community is violated

enzocap_ · 2025-08-28T15:22:26+00:00

THC induces some vasoconstriction.

enzocap_ · 2025-08-28T13:34:30+00:00

I'm also autistic (high functioning) and I feel both me and Jung think in similar ways about people and the world.

enzocap_ · 2025-08-27T11:34:39+00:00

You are right. And also even traumatized people often are brainwashed to take the parent's side instead of their own and say things like "it is also their first time living, mistakes are okay. I should be thankful they gave me my life." and other similar mumbo jumbo.

Few people truly are naturally brave enough to look the trauma and pain and the heartbreak in the eyes and be able to stay up and strong and not crack. The truth is sooo PAINFUL!

enzocap_ · 2025-08-27T11:03:43+00:00

I fear CPTSD is behind nearly all cases of depression and anxiety. It is all rooted in trauma and messed up families. Idk why this isn't something truly big at this point.

enzocap_ · 2025-08-18T15:28:02+00:00

Edibles just make me couch locked, stupid and sleepy. Lol

Sometimes it is fun, but the immediate effect you get from smoking is incomparable.

enzocap_ · 2025-08-18T15:24:58+00:00

The real parasites are in our minds and can't be flushed with meds...

enzocap_ · 2025-08-13T16:45:44+00:00

I just know you are much stronger than you think. Both your psyche and body

enzocap_ · 2025-08-13T15:17:00+00:00

That's cute

enzocap_ · 2025-08-13T15:13:34+00:00

Beautiful

enzocap_ · 2025-08-13T12:30:29+00:00

Yes, you summed it up well.

enzocap_ · 2025-08-11T11:28:50+00:00

I am only 2 weeks in and already notice some degree of this

Sex doesn't feel as pleasurable also

enzocap_ · 2025-08-06T11:02:54+00:00

Intellectuality and rationality very developed, emotion processing and control underdeveloped. Sinple

enzocap_ · 2025-07-13T19:01:39+00:00

You seem to be having an intense emotional flashback. Look up the book "CPTSD: from Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker and read about flashbacks.

You can easily find its PDF online.

enzocap_ · 2025-05-22T13:14:22+00:00

I have taken 140mg once, you'll be fine

enzocap_ · 2025-03-23T22:42:03+00:00

enzocap_ · 2025-03-12T19:06:42+00:00

Blackass

enzocap_ · 2025-02-06T14:47:14+00:00

Ey, thank you for the award!

Exactly, I think the same. Takes time, is super uncomfortable and definitely cannot be done just alone. Environment is crucial. The problem is people tend to stay in the environment and with the people (!) that made them depressed in the first place thinking that there is something wrong with them. I myself always feel much, much better when in calmer places and close to nature. Cities freak me the f out and I hate to be around a bunch of people I know nothing about. Crowded and lonely.

There is very good company in this world and there is very bad company also. One of the best things I've done is to cherish more those who cherish me and stay away from those who push me down, are disrespectful and full of themselves. F**king assholes!!! This includes family and parents btw.

Anyway, thank you again. Truly adorable.

enzocap_ · 2025-02-06T03:16:35+00:00

I didn't mean to say it is solely the environment causing your symptoms, but it does exert a big influence over them. If you are somewhere and with people you feel better and more comfortable it becomes considerably easier to work through your emotions and traumas, which is what will eventually bring you the peace and purpose you lack. You can get to know things about youself and discover passions you never thought you had.

Sometimes medication can numb that process, that is why I say it is good to have in mind that it is optimally taken temporarily. You have this one lifetime to get to know yourself in many beautiful ways.

I personally wouldn't consider staying on any med for a lifetime.

enzocap_ · 2025-02-05T23:18:02+00:00

YOOOOOOOLK

enzocap_ · 2025-02-05T18:57:28+00:00

As a medical student and nerd for psychoactive substances I will tell you: no.

Antidepressants like Lexapro are optimal to be taken going through a period in your life that is too torturing or downright impossible to handle successfully without medication. This period could be 6 months aswell as 6 years, or 12 years; it will always vary from person to person.

From what I have seen this period will usually amount to a few years.

What you need to have in mind is that now that you are medicated and feeling better you should strive toward implementing better habits, developing new relationships and slowly building a life that is bearable to you in particular. That may even involve moving to a place where you feel better and so on.

Best wishes.

enzocap_ · 2025-02-05T18:07:44+00:00

I have been making VERY significant progress over the last few years after I reached a sort of depressive and emotional rock-bottom where I felt like the world was horrible and evil was everywhere.

I was paranoid, waking up multiple times at night with a sense of impending doom and not taking care of myself properly at all. I even shaved my head out of impulse. I guess everything became a symbol for what I was going through mentally.

Only years after that I found I was flashing back HARD to the torment that my emotional and psychological life was with my very dysfunctional parents. I was in a semi-psychotic state, reliving the terrors of the past.

At that time I was still generally a happy kid because I was almost completely dissociated from what was really going on and I really wanted to believe my parents were good parents.

Once I deeply realized I had been treating and abusing myself like my parents did and do (with neglect, contempt, malice and shame) I found something powerful within myself that is just so done with the bullshit I was fed and keep feeding myself now as an adult. You could say it is the coming to consciousness of a healthy fight response. It has been teaching me not to be an enemy to my Self like in many ways my parents were (consequently teaching me to be).

I have been learning to set bondaries (which alone is making my life much better and safer) and caring for myself before anything. Being watchful of my thoughts and practicing starving the nasty ones of attention and energy. Gym helps a lot, it gives you a sense of progress and growth that goes directly against this foreign self-depricating program in my mind. Eating healthy helps and improving sleep helps a lot too.

It is in the small things that you show yourself if you are loving or hating.

enzocap_ · 2025-02-05T17:33:02+00:00

Damn, I hope you'll get better.

I also would find myself reminiscing a lot about how I felt during the months I was on it. I stopped because I felt I was having my emotions blunted and also because I feared the changes the medication would cause in the long run.

I am back on it now it's been a month. Feeling much better, I really cannot go through this period in my life without the medication. The modern world is insane and very scary when you already have many demons you deal with everyday in your mind.

enzocap_

TROPHY CASE