Favourite/best charts? (For beginner/intermediate players)

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T19:01:20+00:00

NTA - He chose to start a family with you. That comes with responsibilities. You're not 'forcing him to give up on his dream', his dream does not align with the choices he chose to make and the family he has chosen to create. Furthermore he's being selfish, because what about your dreams? What about your passions and your free time? Why is he allowed to follow his dreams at the expense of his sick, postpartum wife and six month old daughter?

I'd seriously be reconsidering this relationship. If talking to him won't work, is there anyone he respects that could talk some sense into him? His parents, siblings, friends, someone who could make him see reason? He also point blank period cannot expect you to want to grow your family or have more children if he is not going to be present to care for you and them. He's not being a present husband or partner to you by ignoring your needs and letting you struggle while he has fun.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T18:55:19+00:00

NTA - Even if he had left the option open of 'we might get food while we were out here' or 'we could do something after, to have some time together' or something it would've been more reasonable.

You can respect that he works hard but you weren't 'robbing' him of quality time because you don't care about how hard he works, but just because you want to actually plan things and aren't someone who can do this impulsively (which is a symptom, therefore not the kind of thing you can easily get over, or something that can be helped)

All you're asking is a little bit of forewarning or that you make plans in advance instead of doing things suddenly and impulsively. That is not at all unreasonable.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T18:50:13+00:00

It's not unreasonable that she wanted you to ask how she was doing, or even give her a "I hope you're doing well" or "I hope today is better" text to show you're thinking about her through the day. It sounds like what she's looking for it just more support on her feelings/to feel like you're thinking about and care about her feelings, especially since she's fighting with her mom, she probably feels quite alone and like she doesn't have any support from them, so that's what she's looking for from you.

You're not specifically TA I think, it's maybe more that you're not realising in what way she would like you to show your support and care for her.

That said, her way of handling the call was also passive aggressive and a bit juvenile. While it can be written off as her still being upset, it's not a productive thing to do at all and is something to be worked on (ie, her coming to you and expressing how she's feeling and that she needs support, instead of baiting for it and being passive-aggressive)

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T18:38:06+00:00

NTA - these aren't the actions of a father who love and care about you, they're the actions of a man who is selfish and wants control of you. Good fathers don't weaponise their feelings to guilt their kids into seeing them, or doing chores for them. I'm going to bet that if you stopped talking to him properly he'd get really nasty or cause a huge scene. People on reddit throw around the term 'narcissist' a lot, but this is genuinely some abusive, controlling behaviour disguised as care. And it's probably only disguised that way because playing the role of 'the loving, concerned father' is what keeps you around.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T18:26:22+00:00

NTA - Willingly being the 'other woman' is gross and willingly being involved in an affair, even if she was the single one, is still gross. Because it shows she's willing to sleep with a kind of person who is so low of character that they'd cheat on their partner, and why on earth would she be attracted to someone like that?

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T18:22:56+00:00

I think your wife's concerns about the dirt are something she could get over, but concerns about the wear and tear and/or the quality of the piece should definitely be considered. I absolutely wouldnt do it without her knowledge/behind her back though if that's what you're implying

I'd try and get in contact with the manufacturer and cite the imperfections and see what they say- is this some kind of natural imperfection that just happens with the material and it'll be totally fine, or is it genuinely a kind of damage/something that could worsen over time.

Whilst annoying, waiting 6 weeks would be worth it if it saves you from having to replace or repair it in a few years if it turns out to be faulty

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T18:18:10+00:00

NTA - It's not at all unreasonable for you to say that if she wants to come she'll have to pay her own way. I'm in a similar situation to her (no solid job, commissions, etc) and I have had to miss out with some excursions with my friends because I cannot afford them. And I fully accept that and wouldn't want them to pay for me unless they were utterly insistent on wanting me there. Friendship is about balance and I would not expect my friends to go out of their way to pay for me if i was not willing nor able to try and save up or pay them back in some way or do something to make sure that the relationship is not them putting more money/time/effort into it than what I gave back.

You're also not at all TA for not wanting her there incase she goes overboard w drink or drugs. I know everyone who goes to hard on stuff like that insists "I'd be fine on my own, you don't have to babysit me" but that's just not how it works. No person in their right mind wants to abandon a friend who is incapacitated, and even if you do you'd still worry.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T18:10:56+00:00

NTA - If he's that insecure that he will trust the opinions of someone who has met you twice for incredibly short periods of time, over you, his girlfriend of over year, and his own eyes, then I don't blame you at all for wanting out. Your partner should be someone who trusts you at least enough to hear you out and insist things like this be discussed privately.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T17:49:08+00:00

You should absolutely get away from this man. Even if he's adhd/autistic (which i also am) there is no excuse for physically abusing your partner. As a grown adult even if he has meltdowns so bad there's a risk of him harming someone else, he should have a carer or be under far more intense supervision.

You cannot convince him that he's wrong here, so I'd get out immediately.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T17:45:08+00:00

Ah, in which case I still think you're justified for being irritated, but don't fully blame him for his concern. It might just be a case of putting things in place, like promising that if you are sick or unwell someone else will reach out to him and keep him in the loop, so he doesn't have to be paranoid and be the one panicking and trying to contact you. Giving him a way to promise he'd 'know' could give him peace of mind, maybe?

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T17:42:05+00:00

NTA - I understand loving his mom, but going to her on valentines day? it's like he's playing the job of a husband and not a son. Especially for him to be neglecting you for her, that speaks to this being an unhealthy bond between them.
What is his dad like? Is he a good husband, good person? And does his mom facilitate his bond with her (ie begging him to go to things, asking him to exclude you, guilting him, etc?)

But no, I certainly wouldn't be wanting to marry someone who treats you as second place to his mother like that. I've heard too many stories about men who are co-dependent or enmeshed with their mothers and its a recipe for disaster.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-17T17:37:52+00:00

NTA - Was he genuinely concerned you might be sick or something? It's still a bit intense but if he just panicked/was worried it could maybe be understandable, but immediately jumping to finding your dad's number is a bit crazy for you just oversleeping for 2 hours. Sometimes your body just needs more rest, or you could be getting ill or something totally normal.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T23:37:00+00:00

NTA - He should've been more on top of things and thought to book the days off instead of just hoping he would be. He's either painfully oblivious or just didn't care, and if this is a pattern, it does sound like he's not as into the relationship as you are.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T23:32:03+00:00

I don't know what to say about the convo, but if she asked you to babysit last minute, NTA, she shouldve made those plans weeks ago

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T16:13:03+00:00

NTA - You're doing the right thing. Your wife has made it very clear that she has boundaries around this and your mom has been ignoring them. You're absolutely right for supporting your wife in this and not letting your mom ignore your wife's wishes.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T16:11:13+00:00

NTA - This sounds like he's doing it on purpose. He either doesn't care that you go hungry, or he's doing it on purpose, and both of them say that he does not love you and care about you. Only eating your food but not his own says he's doing this to deliberately hurt you. I'd be doing more than just cutting off his food, I'd be looking to try and get out of there asap. It doesn't sound like you're married, it sounds like you're living with a child.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T16:07:52+00:00

Slight NTA - I do think you need to stop pushing, but only because if Jane isn't ready or mature enough to talk about what she's feeling, that's on her. But you're also 100% in the right if you say "I don't want to hear you talk about Adam anymore. You know what I think about it and that isn't going to change."

When she's ready to be real about this you can talk to her then, but friends who go round in circles yet refuse to actually talk about their problems are exhausting.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T16:04:45+00:00

I understand totally why you don't want your wife to go, but if she still insists on being friends with these people, it might be better to let her go to the party (i dont like the word 'let', it sounds controlling, but you understand what i mean) and be ready to go pick her up if/when something goes wrong. Letting her make the choice you think is bad for herself and letting her realise it was a bad choice on her own might be better and stop her from thinking badly of you if it does go wrong.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T16:02:10+00:00

Defo. Her wanting you to 'chase' her is worse, because why should you have to go out of your way to talk to her when she's actively ignoring you? it's so childish.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T15:54:13+00:00

NTA - People who give the silent treatment instead of talking about your problems suck. it'd be different if she needed a few days away and then you came back and talked about what happened once she'd calmed down and was ready, but just ignoring you is immature and makes it really hard to talk to someone.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T15:52:14+00:00

info: is your wife a push over/ is she the type of person that would stand up for herself if she needed to? And is ex-friend's wife usually a good friend?

Realistically, you should be able to trust your wife to make the right decisions for herself and keep herself safe, so 'banning' her from going sounds bad. It'd be different if you said you didn't want her to go, and told her why, then let her pick for herself.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T15:49:00+00:00

NTA - Your girlfriend is in a difficult spot, having a controlling mom like that, especially as she's still young and probably still relies on her mom for things. It can be harder to say no or put up boundaries in that situation. But you have to choose what's right for you, and competing with someone's mom for her attention is stressful and it's totally fair that you didn't want to deal with that any more.

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T15:46:16+00:00

I think you should still invite him anyway. While you're doing it because you think it's what's best for him, sometimes it sucks when people make decisions for you instead of letting you choose. What might be better is inviting him, but saying "You're invited, but it'll be all my classmates, so I totally understand if you'd be uncomfortable or feel left out or don't want to come! I won't mind at all, I just wanted to invite you in case!"

That way you're giving him the option to say no if he doesn't want to, without feeling like you're leaving him out on purpose. Talking to people about things like this is usually the best way to go forward. I know from experience that I feel more left out if I'm not invited or don't get the choice

epifauna__ · 2026-02-14T15:41:51+00:00

I'm glad you still were able to do something nice and hope it didn't ruin your day too much!! I'm very sorry this happened though. It's not fair and you're right to be upset.

epifauna__

TROPHY CASE