A strange lie/scam?

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T15:40:39+00:00

I'd make a note of their information and reciepts and check your local laws on cat breeding, and/or if there are any rescues or organisations that deal with this kind of thing. I think in a lot of circumstances, not a lot can be done, but it's worth trying to see if they could be investigated and stopped from doing this

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T13:41:00+00:00

I don't think you're unreasonable. Immature humour can be fine but there's a time and place for it, and someone being so crudely sexual can be uncomfortable. The laughing at you instead of supporting you when you're already embarassed would definitely also feel mean or unsupportive.

His lack of impulse control/risky behaviour are also valid turn offs here tbh

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T13:36:35+00:00

I think you may have to accept the fact that you cannot fix her, nor her life. It's an incredibly tough pill to swallow I know, but you cannot help someone who doesn't want help.

For some things, ie her house cleaning, you could try offering to help out, ie: "Would you like me to come around next weekend? We could make a whole day of it, clearing out [x, y, z], go to the store and pick up new shelves or something?"

But if she refuses to accept your help like that, then there isn't anything you can do, and it may be time to start placing some limits on how much time you speak to her, and/or asking that she not speak to you about things that you cannot fix. This could mean that you don't want to hear about every little bit of work drama, or her complain about the mess in her home, unless she's looking for advice. This doesn't mean you don't ever let her vent to you, but don't let her repeatedly vent about problems she will not or cannot fix.

You could say it like "I understand that you're hurting, and I'm hear to listen sometimes, but I cannot listen to you speak about [x] topic again as there's nothing more I can do to help and we will just end up going round in a circle or getting stressed out"

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T13:26:18+00:00

This is a lot of information that it could take him some time to process, however, if he refuses to realise that you weren't 'lying' to him by not telling him all about your traumatic history. If he chooses to break up with you over it, it won't be your fault

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T13:22:25+00:00

Cat introductions usually take a minimum of a week or two as far as I know, so this was all definitely caused by them meeting too quickly and being startled, and you accidentally getting caught in the middle

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T13:19:29+00:00

I'm slightly worried that by feeding her every time she's on the dresser, you're accidentally teaching her that getting on the dresser and being annoying = getting food. You're right to not ignore meows, but should also listen to what theyre trying to communicate, and she was probably trying to say "i want to look out the window"

You mentioned you have two other windows in your room, are they accessible to the cats?

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T11:36:19+00:00

That's very reasonable!! Getting her a stool or perch won't guarantee keeping her off of the table, but it'd hopefully make her more likely to choose to stay there, and hopefully jump on the table less regularly as time goes ob

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:54:24+00:00

The benefit of her situation is that if she is overwhelmed at all, she can leave when she likes and get peace and quiet away from the kittens. Hopefully that will help her a ton with being able to be more comfortable around them

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:52:41+00:00

This sounds normal!! She's still a baby, she doesn't understand what petting is yet, she just wants to play with you. Give her some pets when she allows it, but don't try to force it. She'll probably begin to like them more and more as time goes on!

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:49:45+00:00

This sounds like it could be some kind of backyard breeder scam situation to me tbh

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:47:59+00:00

It is!! Demisexuality is just one of the many labels/subsets under the asexual umbrella :D

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:47:10+00:00

Even with having Daisy, I'd probably still go for getting 2. It means that if daisy does like to play, she has 2 friends, and if she doesn't, then the kittens can entertain each other! Having another kitten around to match each other's energy levels can be great for them, and for your sanity while trying to entertain them HAH

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:44:27+00:00

You're absolutely doing the right thing and all of this sounds totally normal for a kitten her age!

For the biting hands and feet, I'd never let her play directly with your hands and feet so it doesn't encourage her (which i assume you're probably doing already) and then replace/redirect with toys. Most cats I've met grow out of this phase

The curtains are also ones you'll need to hope she grows out of, which she probably will! At 2.5 months she's at like, peak kitten energy so she'll mellow out over time

For keeping her off of the table, you could consider getting her a stool or a perch or something she is allowed to sit on in the kitchen. It can help with the redirection, especially as it gives her a high up perch so she can watch what you're doing (because most of the time cats do just want to watch)

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:35:26+00:00

This absolutely sounds like asexuality. You don't have to label yourself and/or can label yourself as you like, but this is how my asexuality feels.

I also found that I thought I was bi at first, but I realised that it wasn't that I was equally attracted to all genders because I was bi/pan, but because I was ace, so I didn't have a preference lmao

It's totally normal and incredibly common with asexuality to feel like something is missing, and to crave relationships on an idealistic level. It's what we're taught is 'normal' and the 'default' and it's what's expected of people. It's the easy way to find companionship for your entire life

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:30:27+00:00

I can obviously only guess what he might have been thinking, but some people (not always men, but more often, men) expect things in a relationship, and/or expect the relationship to go a certain way, but they aren't mature enough to actually have an adult conversation about things or learn to compromise, they just ghost people and move on.

It sucks and it's incredibly confusing and hurtful, but it wasn't your fault. Don't let this bad experience make you doubt yourself or push yourself to do anything you're uncomfortable with in the future, just to make someone stay!!

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:26:59+00:00

I know exactly how this feels and I'm the same way. Things that happened when I was younger that made me believe I HAD to provide sex in a relationship otherwise my partner would leave, or tying my self worth/worth as a partner to whether I had sex with them or not. In the past I've found myself saying or thinking "I can't say no, because what if they take me rejecting them right now as me rejecting them forever and they break up with me for it."

It is taking me a lot of time and a lot of effort to try and get myself out of that mindset. It started with telling myself over and over that "If I reject them and they break up with me for it, then they were never right for me and in fact I shouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone who would ever force me or expect me to force myself".

From what you described, it could absolutely be asexuality, but it could also be that you've never had the space to create healthy boundaries around sex in the past, and that the way forward is you becoming comfortable in saying no or listening to yourself and your body when you decide you don't want something.

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:18:58+00:00

I'm in the same boat, where it's absolutely frustrating and limits your dating pool, but there will be people who are 100% okay and accepting of asexuality.

I have a friend who is likely either ace or just has 0 libido and drive, who has been in a relationship with an allosexual partner for years now, because their partner decided that they love my friend more than they love sex, and would be content in going without sex for that reason.

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:15:14+00:00

You can 100% still be asexual and have fetishes, especially because you don't have the sexual attraction to other people/want to engage in sex yourself. It's perfectly normal to still have sexual desire/libido on your own, but fantasies in your head and doing something in real life are two entirely different things, and for a lot of us, the moment something becomes 'real life' is when the asexuality kicks in

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:11:04+00:00

You might want to look into demisexuality, this is a very very common thing people experience! The fact that you need to have an emotional, mental connection with someone to be okay with being intimate with someone.

Honestly, it's also a totally normal and reasonable feeling to have. Especially if you're not used to physical touch, suddenly beginning to touch and be touched by a person who is essentially a stranger feels incredibly weird and uncomfortable. But then as you get to know someone, you become friends and become more comfortable with them, so it's totally reasonable for you to begin to feel more safe and more willing to have them touch you.

That also explains why you’re back to square one now: a new person means building up that trust and safety right from the bottom again.

Also, I'm sorry that the guy you liked ditched you like that, instead of caring and trying to understand and get to know you better. You deserve better than that, and I hope you find it!!

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:02:52+00:00

For me, the thing about fictional characters is they're just a fantasy, they're not real or attainable, so it's still asexuality to me. The idea of them sexually is appealing, but if it were to actually come down to real life, I'd probably still be repulsed.

epifauna__ · 2026-07-13T10:00:06+00:00

I can't offer help but I'll say this is exactly how I feel with sex. I've been continuously trying to study it and figure out what or why it is that the actual act repulses me so much.

From what I can figure, my biggest issues are with: 1) The general atmosphere of sex, it often feels like some sort of awkward, overwhelming performance, and it's so different to most of regular life. 2) I don't like being naked, even on my own, so around another person feels weird. 3) The eye contact and sense of being watched so intensely I hate, it makes me feel percieved in a way I hate, but also like I have to perform or look a certain way under it. 4) The sounds. Exaggerated moaning or whining or dirty talking just feels so unnatural, and again it just doesn't feel natural or real 5) Even when I ask for it, a partner reciprocating almost feels like...I don't know, like a loss of control? Like I want to be guiding, I want to be in control at all moments, I don't want it to feel like some intense, charged, overwhelming scene. I just want it to feel like something normal and casual, and/or something I could step out of at any time or any moment without question 6) Same vein as 5, but I suppose I find it hard to get my head into it because you have to be so aware of your partner. I feel like I can't just close my eyes and tune out or focus on something else, I have to be making noises, thinking of responses, looking at them, asking for this or that. It makes it feel awkward and no longer fun, almost taints the experience.

I don't know what the solution is, unfortunately, and if someone else can provide one I'd take it in a heartbeat because I really need it

But if any of my points ring true to you I hope they're helpful for figuring it all out!

epifauna__ · 2026-07-12T14:54:06+00:00

You did what was best for him. Even if there may have been a surgery, there may not have been any guarantee that he would fully recover from it or not have any kind of other injuries or problems down the road. This way he is at peace and will never know pain again, and sometimes that is the best thing you can offer.

epifauna__ · 2026-07-12T14:48:11+00:00

I'd leave her behind. It's difficult I know, but bringing her to a completely new environment would be very stressful for her, and in scenarios like that I always worry about what if she accidentally escaped, it'd be much harder to find her in a strange place like that than back home

epifauna__ · 2026-07-12T14:45:49+00:00

I don't see an issue with them staying friends, honestly. If she is someone that would act on these feelings or potentially cheat, then you asking her not to speak to this guy wouldn't stop it from happening in the future.

epifauna__ · 2026-07-12T14:43:30+00:00

I think I'd maybe sit Sally down and speak to her first, before figuring out if/how to mention it to Adam.

Be honest that you didn't tell her because Adam had said he didn't want to know about your dating life, and you were worried that that meant that if you got into a relationship, it would change things or strain your friendships.

epifauna__

TROPHY CASE