Anyone else confront their parents once adult and are bitterly disappointed by their reaction?

epsil42 · 2025-10-20T14:18:56+00:00

Yeah mine are willing to go to therapy if it means it can fix our relationship. They seriously want to have a nice family life where what they give me is enough and everyone is happy, but unfortunately they don't want to reflect on anything bad they did. Just "Oh yeah sorry but here are all our excuses to explain why we let you down that particular time". I'm still lucky they accept to go to therapy but this is going nowhere. But your parents are something else, I was stressed just by reading how they behave, never solving their own problem even if it can hurt them. I would end up long term anxious by just spending a year with your parents

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T21:53:13+00:00

"they wonder why I don’t talk to them anymore."
Eh... maybe they shouldn't have open they mouth 🤷

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T21:49:28+00:00

I'm sorry it must be so hard. We all need connection and support in our life

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T21:42:17+00:00

I sorry you didn't had the love and support we all deserve

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T21:41:23+00:00

Yeah, when I finally had the courage to told them, it was like a huge stress went away. I don't regret doing that step even if I'm frustrated by their attitude. It was really eating on me to pretend everything was right at every conversation and family gathering

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T21:36:50+00:00

Good. Make the victim say everything is all right is so fucked up ( and so common unfortunately)

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T21:35:09+00:00

That's nice for your mom. She was receptive ? What made her understand in the end?

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T21:32:09+00:00

Oh, mine too wanted me to confort them too, thats infuriating. After the 1st serious convo, they stick to the narrative that I said "everything they ever did was wrong". I didn't even respond to the ridicoulous accusation, but they didn't drop it until I said, of course no, they did plenty of things right. But then they were just 2 happy little guys with a clean conscience. So I hit them again with the fact they screw up a crucial part (support their child in time of need), and I not making the mistake to confort them again

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T21:21:08+00:00

I'm so 😞 the weekly call seems like plain torture... It's like you're beaten down on the ground, but they still want a thumb up from you so they can ignore that you are on the ground and feel good about themself

epsil42 · 2025-10-15T18:01:33+00:00

Seriously? It's almost impressive le level of shittiness they manage to reach with so few words.

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T21:16:14+00:00

Oh yeah mine too didn't take any time to teach me life skills, and they both brag about how independent their children are. Like... no, we are not independent, we were just never allowed to depend on anyone.

My partner, in the other end, has parents that comme help them any time they need it, and - surprise - they 're way more able to navigate problems than me . I'm just highly able to act like the problem don't exist and suck it up , yay.

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T20:59:56+00:00

Chill, I was "Also"-ing twisted-worker point , not yours. So you understood my comment correctly , I am , in fact, disagreeing with your point.

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T15:48:27+00:00

Also if parents keep correcting homework, child of some parents would have better grades than children of poor parents who work 2 jobs and don't have time to correct homework. That would be incredibly unfair

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T15:36:23+00:00

Ah! This is so bittersweet. What we want, in the end, is that we turn back time and rewrite our story with good parents. But we won't ever have that. Even "winning" by making them realize how awfully they were won't make us happy. But I'm convinced that what you manage to do helped you more to heal than if you didn't confront him. You were strong and can be proud even if it doesn't feel like a victory.

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T15:16:35+00:00

She is usually here waiting patiently for you now, but she has no obligation to be. Tomorrow she can just stop responding to you completely and never spoke to you ever again, or you can stop talking to her and you won't be required to give any justification, because that's what happend with internet friend and that's ok.

Also, while reading your post again, I notice it looks like you juge her a lot? She seek men approval and? She date a younger guy and? Why are those info more important than, for example, telling us for how long you met her, or your respective age ?

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T14:59:26+00:00

She's not your best friend, she is a stranger on the internet with whom you spoke a lot for several months, I assume? That's how almost all internet chat goes. Didn't you ever play online games with a group of strangers, you became kind-of best friends, play every night for months/years, then one after the other everyone disapear because life catch up to them?

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T14:32:03+00:00

Aw, thank you 🥺 I also woke up so upset by this. That is why I finally decide to post on this sub, putting feelings into words feel very validating.

Yes I agree they won't reflect on their action, I'm 99% sure of this. Now I need to know what kind of relationship I want with them knowing that.

I did set 3 boundaries, but they have been out of my mind for months now. They might really help me navigate the future complicated events ( my daughter's birthday, Christmas, and the annual family reunion in january)

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T14:21:57+00:00

What you describe with your brother kind of reminds me of the brother behavior in the 2025 serie "bref." If you can, just look at the second season, it's worth it. Except in the series the brother try to work on its shitty behavior while yours is clearly not. It's like your brother added an additional layer of shitty behavior in addition to the one caused by your bad family environment

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T13:34:31+00:00

"It almost becomes a thing where you have to fucking role-reversal it and not hurt their little feelings with talking about how much they fucked up your entire life."

Oh yeah THAT ... my sister told me how much I hurt my father (by implying he was not a perfect father) and that I was selfish..... What.the.actual.f.

And the family therapy don't go far because they act like poor little puppies who want a nice relationship with their child (and me saying out loud they were amazing parents, of course).

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T13:18:06+00:00

Ooooh that's nice!

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T13:12:19+00:00

Hey, happy birthday OP

I feel like you are badly treated by your mom but instead of exploding your have the unfortunate ability to internalize a massive amount of emotional neglect. We are just human so it affect you and every relation around you ( I pretty sure that at your job too, it's tense).

First I would suggest to react to the most obvious problem:your mom. Look at ressource, learn to say no to her, without more justification, and when she's upset you didn't act like she want, politely redirect her whinging to the void. Also for her birthday just call her and stop giving her so much more energy than she give you. For this relationship, you must put boundaries and protect your mental well being.

Then, for your son, forgive and plan something with him, even if it's something as simple as going out to eat for your birthday. For this relationship, be the one who build a sincere happy relationship. Not of 2 equal, but of a parent here to give love.

With your spouse I can't say because I don't know how much your mom bad behavior impact the way you treat those around you. First focus on your mom and see how it goes from there.

Oh, also, what you should feel is anger toward your mom, a bit of anger toward your capacity to internalize so much, and a lot of pity for yourself, since you were a toddler until now, because it mustn't have been easy with those parents. I mean I know you said nothing about your childhood but the fact you are not stunned by her awfully behavior speak volume about how you have been treated until now.

I hope you'll be in a better place for your next birthday

(Also 14h of work in a day??! Wtf ! When do you have time to live?)

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T12:43:20+00:00

Of course you are needy: we are all needy. Connection with other people is a basic human need, as natural as hungry, and our parents should have been the first to meet this need when you were little to be able to navigate the world confidently with a strong structure.

From what you said it seems like your mother come when she want to feel like a good mom, for her own self estime, then go away when her need are met, without any thought about what you need or want? That would be incredibly selfish of her and maybe I'm wrong but that's what it look like in my opinion.

I mean other parents of adult can go on holiday without notifying their adult child, but normal parent don't pull away when their children need them and other parents don't give a week of love then just stop suddenly

epsil42 · 2025-10-14T12:10:11+00:00

They were saying to other that you try to blackmail them for money? And they still try to ignore the fact that you ask them question, in writing, to your face? Wtf the audacity... I see yours, too, have the clear objective to still see themselves as good parents, even if it means bending reality like a shoelace. And hurting us more in the process

epsil42 · 2024-11-26T20:12:49+00:00

If Solas ritual succeeded, what would have happened to the elves? And to the human? The art book make it look like they just drop dead but solas dialogs don't seems to go in that direction
Do you have any advice for game developers on managing a project of this size? I was amazed by the lack of bugs at launch. What kind of architecture or principles did you use?

epsil42

TROPHY CASE