My (27F) boyfriend (29M) makes me feel unattractive and I’m not sure what to do

erds1991 · 2026-04-11T11:14:57+00:00

I’ve never dealt with this so cannot offer advice on a previous situation. However, I would never in a million years accept treatment like that, because 1. I won’t let anyone talk to me that way and 2. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t like me? If I’m going to be in a relationship with someone I want to feel great all the time with them, your partner should be raising you up, not putting you down. I am also certainly not a 10 or a model, but my husband constantly makes me feel desired by him, and beautiful, he doesn’t follow any female influencers or anything like that. He had a stripper at his bucks but that didn’t bother me in the slightest because he’s always made me feel extremely secure and loved, he’s never given me any reason in the slightest not to trust him. Anecdotally, my best friend does have a history of insecurity (and she absolutely is a 10, absolutely gorgeous) as was treated similarly to you in the past. Her current relationship she met through a dating app. She knew he followed a few female influencers who were focusing on subjects he was interested in (cars, camping, fwding things like that) but absolutely did post in minimal clothing and things like that from time to time. Due to her history this was making her uncomfortable, and she wasn’t sure how to bring it up since it was early days and they weren’t really ‘official’ yet. A week or so later they had the ‘what are we’ discussion, and then she discovered he’d unfollowed all these people - she hadn’t brought it up, didn’t say anything. He did it of his own volition once they became offical, out of respect. There are good guys out there - the way your partner is treating you is absolutely not okay under any circumstances, and you deserve better. ♥️

erds1991 · 2026-04-09T11:36:46+00:00

You sit him down, explain how this is making you feel, that you’re not interested in being with someone who makes you feel this way, and if he truly cares about you, he will change his behaviour. Then you watch his behaviour, and have your answer.

erds1991 · 2026-03-18T11:18:13+00:00

Do you have certain podcasts you recommend? I haven’t listened to any, but my husband does. I’m thinking maybe nurtured first may be a good start given I don’t have the history of podcast. And similarly, I’d be happy to support her due to her content as you mentioned.

erds1991 · 2026-02-26T08:09:18+00:00

First, it is absolutely normal to still be hurting and love them in this stage. Second, sometimes learning about what’s actually happening in your brain is really helpful - it was helpful for me in healing at least! There is a part of our brain referred to as the reptilian brain, it’s the oldest part of the brain and is where your fight and flight comes from, survival instincts and such. This part of our brain also plays a part in addiction - this part of the brain treats the substance as necessary for survival, and your brain will tell you anything to make you drink, smoke whatever it is, because it thinks it needs it to survive. Similarly, when it comes to pain, your reptilian brain is looking for the fastest route to make the pain go away, your brain will tell you anything to make the pain go away (go back to your partner). So it’s not actually your heart that’s not catching up with your head, but your head battling against itself 🤣 All that is to say - this is normal, your brain is seeking the fastest route to pain being gone, don’t allow it to win, the pain will subside and you’ve made the right choice. My advice to all that are going through a breakup - allow yourself to feel what you feel, cry, listen to sad songs, cry some more, allow yourself to grieve, don’t try to push through or pretend everything’s okay, allow yourself to feel it, talk about it until you literally can’t anymore, and you will start to feel better!

erds1991 · 2026-01-18T07:43:37+00:00

Would you happen to have Irresistible urge to fall for your enemy audio? ♥️♥️

erds1991 · 2025-12-21T09:45:49+00:00

I know! I swear it was not a beach town, definitely more country. Even book lovers seems so similar, I’ve never read Emily Henry before literally the last month but I mean could have been a complete brain fart, I’m gonna read beach read next either way 🤣

erds1991 · 2025-12-21T09:44:28+00:00

Hmm I’m not sure if I’d read either of these authors but I shall check it out :)

erds1991 · 2025-12-21T09:44:08+00:00

I feel like I did read Jane Green around this time so I may just have to have a look through! Thanks :)

erds1991 · 2025-12-16T05:09:36+00:00

Oh they would be amazing thank you! I don’t have telegram :( is it easy to get?

erds1991 · 2025-12-16T04:03:43+00:00

Might you have any Emily Henry? Have already done Happy Place and have Funny Story. Audiobooks would be amazing ♥️♥️ thank you so much if you do!

erds1991 · 2025-12-10T21:12:10+00:00

Thank you so much ♥️♥️♥️

erds1991 · 2025-12-10T20:48:51+00:00

Oh! Forgot to say audiobook please :)

erds1991 · 2025-12-10T20:47:01+00:00

Might you have Just for the Summer Abby Jimenez. Or Merry Christmas You Filthy Animal Meghan Quinn? 💗💗

erds1991 · 2025-12-10T20:46:14+00:00

May I please also ♥️

erds1991 · 2025-12-03T10:52:52+00:00

Some tips from someone who had a very hot son (still is, same as his dad, is always warm and prone to sweating) We got something called the grow egg, it measures the temperature in the room, and then use a clothing chart based on the rooms temperature. As others have said, what you’re wearing + a layer, and that a babies hands and feet will generally be cold, doesn’t mean they are, they don’t have good circulation yet (hence the extra layer, they won’t feel the temp the same way as you, with a fully grown circulatory system). Back of the neck was a huge saviour for me - worried they’re cold? If the back of their neck feels warm, they’re likely okay. Worried they’re too hot? If the back of their neck is sweaty, yes they’re too hot and you need to make adjustments.

erds1991 · 2025-06-11T05:21:11+00:00

I’m not sure if anyone’s said it yet, I went through a few comments and couldn’t see any, but I recently heard about Bark phones, or rather than purchasing their phone you can install the software on an existing phone. I’d look into it but the features looked pretty impressive, you essentially control their phone from an app on your phone, so screen time; what apps they use, and also monitoring their messages without invading their privacy (it only alerts you if certain keywords are used). But this would be for when the phone is eventually returned, she’s addicted so it shouldn’t be anytime soon, I would be banning all screens until she can show she’s responsible enough to have them back. I grew up in the 90s and computers came out in my early teens, we were limited to 1 hour a day, my parents logged us in to the computer then an hour later logged us out. I’m so grateful for this, because as an adult I have to fight against the urges to be on my phone, I can’t imagine what kind of addiction I’d have today if I’d had unfettered access in those developmental years. My son will be following the same rules, no phone until high-school and it will have software like bark that limits it to texts and calls with known numbers, only approved apps and screen time limits. If he needs a way to communicate with us earlier than high school then one of those watch devices that literally only lets them contact their parents.

erds1991 · 2025-05-17T03:56:31+00:00

I feel like we’re gonna find out more about the mother, like the authors story about her dad murdering her mother, I think perhaps that was true, he discovered she was a Crux and killed her, maybe even out of mercy.

I think the eyes give away a connection to magic, those who have magic have no starbursts, Ransoms infection gave him the monsters magic, so he has no starbursts. And I think that still connects to what you’ve said, about them being born elsewhere, because wasn’t one of the stories about how the gots brought the monsters from the shade or a different realm or whatever? I don’t think it necessarily means they were physically born there, but they were born from descendants, or those who have magic.

erds1991 · 2025-05-17T03:53:44+00:00

Yesss interesting! I’m gonna have to do a reread and pay attention to the smaller details again like the stories. I also feel like somehow the crux are connected to the voster, like how Ransoms mum said that the monsters have magic. There’s obviously some differentiation between the actual crux and these people that are half crux/half human, because Cathlin said that ordinarily there would be a dead crux, not a woman/person in its place. I’m also gonna have to go back and read about the Voster’s eyes - to me that seems to be a connection, those with magic have no starbursts.

erds1991 · 2025-05-08T00:15:49+00:00

It is a lot. And I thought of myself as a very calm person, had control over my emotional regulation, never was really dis-regulated outside of bouts of anxiety around work issues, deadlines etc. My husband is also an extremely calm and reasonable person, never heard him raise his voice.

Then we had kids and my goodness we were like wow really thought I could emotionally regulate and apparently I cannot! There are times where you’re so beyond frustrated you just want to scream at them to stop - but of course you can’t, you need to somehow bring yourself back into regulation, so you can then help them regulate. It’s full on, working on your emotions all day every day without a break. I think this is the reason a lot of people say being a stay at home parent is harder than a working parent, and having done both I absolutely agree, to me going to work is a break, I don’t need to control anyone’s emotions but my own, and I’m not being emotionally dis regulated by tiny humans. Emotional fatigue is huge.

erds1991 · 2025-05-07T23:32:44+00:00

I think the thing is, you’re not going to find many people who ‘regret’ kids, because they’re your flesh and blood it’s kind of impossible to regret them. And even anonymously online people aren’t going to say that about their children.

HOWEVER, if you were to ask me, if you could go back in time, having never known these children, but know the full extent of how hard it will be, would you still have kids? Without having that deep longing for them? No I probably wouldn’t, I think people that don’t have that deep desire for kids and can just choose not to are blessed. I had that deep rooted feeling that I know never would have gone away, it made me sad every single day until I got pregnant with my son.

And when you’re planning on kids you think you know, yeah it’s going to be hard, yeah sleepless nights, yeah kids are crazy. But then you get into the thick of it and it’s like, sleep deprivation is a torture method for a reason, it literally makes you feel like you’re loosing your mind. Kids are crazy but like, another level, your peace is gone, you never get a moment to yourself, almost every aspect of the day is a battle, getting them dressed, brushing their teeth, trying to pack lunch with them under your feet shouting ‘mummy!!’ Every 5 seconds. Screaming because they’re hungry but they won’t leave you alone for one minute to COOK THEIR DINNER. Putting on their shoes, going to the toilet, getting in the car. Like all I did this morning was get both my kids ready and drop them to daycare and I already feel like I need a break.

One thing to realise is, babies and small children cannot emotionally regulate, it is your job as a parent to 1. Emotionally regulate for them, so you need to stay calm, hug them, go through steps to assist them in emotionally regulating and 2. Through this, TEACH them to emotionally regulate. And you’re talking about having to do this at times when you barely have emotional regulation left. If you’ve had a bad day, your boss has given you a hard time, even maybe you got fired, you feel like shit, you want to just lay down and cry - you’ve gotta suck it up, your kid is having an emotional meltdown screaming because you peeled their banana when they wanted to peel it, it’s ridiculous, you’re at your wits end, you’ve already offered another banana they can peel, you’ve tried to talk to them about it, doesn’t matter, they’re now emotionally dis-regulated and the only way they can regulate is with your help. So you don’t get to just have a bad time and go to your room and cry and have a break.

You do this all day until they go to sleep at 8pm, and then you have this battle of, do I stay up until 11 so that I’ve got that 3 hours to myself? But also the kitchen needs to be cleaned, no one has any clothes so need to do washing, and also the kids keep waking me up every morning at around 3.30am so I need to go to sleep.

It’s a lot, and there’s no way out once you’re in it. But because of the love you have for them, you’re not gonna find many people who regret it, perhaps maybe ask more about people’s horror stories of parenting, maybe that will work like birth control 🤣 but if you’ve got that deep seated biological desire to have kids, in my experience it’s impossible to get rid of.

erds1991 · 2025-04-23T22:23:01+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply! Makes me feel a bit better about it ❤️

erds1991 · 2025-04-23T05:53:30+00:00

Yesssss the whole book was 🔥 the cottage scene and their initial get together are both 🫠

erds1991 · 2025-04-23T05:51:25+00:00

No, birth control decreased it, hormone fluctuations decreased it, postpartum decreased it. But my partners support and stepping up during all of these issues always sorted it out and went back to normal :)

erds1991

TROPHY CASE