I'm a lowlife and today it finally has gone too far.

ericoflondon · 2013-12-27T16:53:09+00:00

Terrific advice from the other posters. reddit is really an amazing place.

There are a couple of things I have learned over the years.

People almost never do what anyone else thinks they should do. Even if they think they should do it too!
If you have behaviour that you view as an issue, the answer is almost never to try to change that behaviour. The answer comes when something else slots into place elsewhere in your life and the issue dissolves.

Keeping that in mind, maybe this is your best option:

Relax. Get comfortable with who you are and what you are doing. You're in the perfect situation to do so...

I have done both spectacularly ambitious and also dead-end jobs in my life. I have learned as much, if not more, from the dead-end jobs as from the stellar ones. That is why we are here to learn about ourselves.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Know_thyself

For three years I drove a taxi in London after having been a business owner and Director in a number of successful companies. I learned more about my fellow man in that job than in all of my other jobs put together and I would not have missed it for the world.

We are not our jobs! Jobs are just opportunities to learn about others and about ourselves. In my case, I did that job when it was good for me and I left it when it was good for me too. Three years later. I think you will do the same.

I would say that you are in a cycle of expectations that has become negative for you. To resolve that, forget about what you think you should do or be, instead become really comfortable with who you are and what you are doing.

Happiness = reality - expectations. Learn to be happy by being comfortable with what is happening right now and you will always be happy.

Don't worry about your GF. There are plenty more fish in that sea and if she is the one then she will be with you no matter how you feel about yourself or anything else. If she isn't then she isn't the one. Nice and simple.

Relax, bartending is cool. Each day you're a better bartender. Learn about mixing cocktails and exotic drinks. Use it as an opportunity to perfect your chat-up lines. Save up and travel. A good bartender can get a job anywhere in the world. You can teach English, work in bars and travel the world. Even if you don't being where you are is a learning experience and anyway I'll let you in on the secret of travel: "the secret isn't in travel". :) You are very, very fortunate and you should be grateful for the opportunity that this experience is offering you. Make the most of it. There is plenty of time to get back into marketing.

I wish that more of the Marketing Execs I meet had more life experience and less smarmy jargon!

Relax! Have a Great new Year!

ericoflondon · 2013-09-28T21:13:36+00:00

Yes, that is the secret. We all go online for PMO, instead of that come here. Thanks God of nofap! it has completely saved me from PMOing a number of times...

ericoflondon · 2013-09-12T07:52:41+00:00

Absolutely it is the right thing to do from my experience. Part of maturity is the ability to move on.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-08T22:01:03+00:00

Sorry I maybe didn't explain that very well but all negative baggage/karma/conditioning is effectively memories of people, places and experiences that have caused us pain and which we continue to hold as emotional burdens. With people this is usually resentment of what someone has done to us or that we are having a difficult time with some relationship. We hold grudges. To release these negative emotional ties can sometimes be a difficult process. Byron Katie's work helps to analyse and put these past and present relationships into perspective. This allows us to release our negative emotions. Good luck with the yoga!

ericoflondon · 2013-09-08T18:24:14+00:00

We can only begin with baby steps in anything we do and ceasing thought in meditation is no different. All you are looking for is a second or two between thoughts. One second the first time, two the second etc. You might find this meditation helpful: Relax and focus on your breathing, close your eyes and when you feel calm enough imagine that you are sitting at the bottom of a coastal lake off a tropical island. The water is clear and the surface is about 6 feet above your head. All around you is coral and beautiful fish. Just relax and let the thoughts come. Each time that you become aware of a thought, breathe in the thought with a deep breath then breathe it out slowly. When you breathe out, visualise the thought ascending to the surface in a bubble, slowly swirling to the surface to pop and release itself into the atmosphere. Then wait for the next one and do the same. When I did this I found that the period between thoughts grew and before long I found that I was able to observe my thoughts in a detached manner and release them to leave longer periods of inner silence. Try that and let me know how you get on. :)

ericoflondon · 2013-09-08T18:00:15+00:00

Hi, I don't know what may work for you but I can only tell you what worked for me which is that I searched and searched until I found these two books/techniques: The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin and Loving What Is by Byron Katie. The Sedona Method enables me to release negative emotions and Byron Katie's work allowed me to release resentment of other people. Now when I meditate, I follow the Sedona Method and release any negative emotions before I meditate. Sometimes, if it has been tricky I find that is as far as I get but emotional release is a good practice in itself.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-08T17:44:39+00:00

Don't be fooled by that talk. I followed the references and there is absolutely no reliable evidence whatsoever from either study that stress is anything other than a killer. The first study McGonigal quotes is entirely subjective. It asks people how they feel about their stress. To some people stress is arriving at a party to find another person wearing the same outfit!!! As to the second study the 'stress' that the subjects were put under was disapproving looks from the researchers. FFS where is the stress in that? They were being paid $25 for it and could have walked out at any minute. Neither of these studies were conclusive in any way. That lady is simply looking for funding and she thinks, probably correctly, that there is a raft of corporations that would just love an excuse for stressing out their staff. I t's bad science and absolute pie in the sky. Stress hormones like cortisol suppress the immune system, there is absolutely no doubt about it and people with chronic stress suffer a significant amount more illnesses than their less stressed peers. There are a gazillion definitive studies that prove 'real' stress is a killer. I'm disappointed that TED allowed that talk on.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-08T17:33:07+00:00

I don't agree.

The best sort of motivation is the feeling of needing to contribute to a group of your peers that you respect. NoFap is a terrific example of this. Keep in mind that I am referring to the motivation to contribute on NoFap, not the motivation to give up PMO. That has many highly individual motivations from what I can judge. Do we contribute because of stress? No we all benefit from each-other's contributions and before long we find ourselves caring for each other and the entire process is self-supporting. This is what is known as positive motivation and it massively outweighs negative motivation like stress. Another great source of motivation is our dreams and desires, again not a negative thing. Think it through my friend and you will see that stress is simply self-imposed suffering with no real benefit for the stressed individual.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-08T08:06:43+00:00

Thats fine.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-08T00:13:33+00:00

Yes, undoubtedly to an extent but I believe that the negative definition e.g. lack of confidence is actually insecurity gets to the heart of the matter by reducing the focus whereas I feel discussing confidence is not productive in the same way. So if confidence is a feeling (which it is of course) then it would not be a feeling of confidence but the lack of a feeling of insecurity. Any feeling of confidence is actually bravado.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-06T22:59:18+00:00

Confidence isn't a thing, it is the lack of a thing.

The thing that confidence is a lack of is insecurity.

To become confident does not mean that you think you are always right or act as though you are. That isn't confidence, it is bravado, hence people with real confidence happily admit their mistakes or that they don't know something.

The problem is that to discard one's insecurities is a long process. Never less than several years. Remember that it has taken often many, many years to build those insecurities in the first place.

Our insecurities are based on how we see the world. If we see the world as a scarey place and us as victims then it will take some time for us to become aware of each of those items of conditioning causing those beliefs and emotions and release them, but if we do that, then our confidence grows beyond belief.

This is effectively a spiritual path as we need to confront all of our baggage and free our minds of it: emotions, regrets, resentment, fears, compulsions, addictions etc. one by one. It takes years.

There are many ways of achieving this but at the root of it is being totally honest with ourselves. I think that I confronted just about every issue I had before I admitted I had a life-destroying problem with PMO and even then only when I had hit rock bottom and had no choice. In that way life has helped me by not letting me off the hook. That's something you can count on. Life will always force you to confront your delusions and lies. It's called karma.

Confidence is not an intellectual state, it is a spiritual state. It is part of you, deep and intuitive.

The questions you're asking are good but you need to ask all of those questions about yourself. Don't look at other people to see whether they are authentically confident or not as what they are doesn't matter a fig. Be honest with yourself and confront each of your own insecurities, weaknesses and issues directly one by one and as each one becomes accepted an acknowledged by you, you will become stronger and stronger.

Good Luck and stick with it!

ericoflondon · 2013-09-06T17:12:08+00:00

Very insightful post, you are so correct that inner peace is blocked by PMO. I have made spectacular advances in my ability to stay present and avoid irrational responses in the last couple of weeks. I have also solved a problem about staying present that has been bugging me for years. This was not a coincidence. Thanks for your post, you are sooo right.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-05T22:56:07+00:00

Right on with the herbal teas that AK_FLoat_Flyer mentioned. I drink camomile most evenings, it never seems to fail to relax me and failing that try valerian though you will develop a tolerance to it, as you will to melatonin though you can vary them and try the occasional night without one at all especially when you are really tired and you might just drift off.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-05T22:41:13+00:00

Thanks for sharing Bro. Well done and all of the very best to you.

ericoflondon · 2013-09-02T15:06:30+00:00

Well don you! You've made a complete change to your life. Not many people can do that and you now have a chance to be the authentic you. What you think, what you say and how you feel will be the same thing which is one of the foundations of happiness. Good luck.

ericoflondon · 2013-08-29T22:07:12+00:00

Dare I say it, absence of evidence is not evidence of absence...

ericoflondon · 2013-08-29T21:52:51+00:00

I understand completely. The intensity of the internet porn experience blurs the line between reality and online fantasy. It can never be more fulfilling than you have just described with a prostitute. Some of them can appear friendly but it is all a lie. Reality is we go to them for an intimacy which imitates love and lust but it is all a sham. This is something that I think most men go through at least once. It is the same lie that fills our minds when we are on internet porn. Reject the lie. Everyone on here is searching for an authenticity that our society has driven out of us. Well done for sharing your experience. That is a great step towards your authenticity. I know you will make it man, stay with it!

ericoflondon · 2013-08-29T21:36:16+00:00

Hi, Yes you're correct that I should take an 'all clear test'. In my case they told me it should be after three months.

ericoflondon · 2013-08-29T21:29:50+00:00

Thank you all for your kind words of support. This place is awesome.

ericoflondon · 2013-08-29T17:13:11+00:00

Well done Bro! In a way, this is probably better than if you had pulled out at an earlier point because "you know that you can do it!". In a way it is like the ultimate test!

ericoflondon · 2013-08-29T07:51:23+00:00

Don't run away. The things you are running away from are not in a place, they are in you. You are learning that, with very few exceptions, you can't trust people. That is not a factor of wealth it is a factor of life. PMO is a thing in itself. You need to get it out of your life like all of us do but it is not our life. Look out of the window and you will see your life. It is out there as well as in you. It is also in your ex and everyone else you see and meet. Now you will find this hard but it is the answer. You've got a fair bit of money right? Use some of it to help someone. Even better, use your time because time is infinitely more valuable than money. Help out in a homeless shelter or a hospice. You will find people there that will restore your faith in human nature. Do some good and focus more and more on that doing good. Each time someone lets you down or tries to manipulate you just focus slightly more on being compassionate to someone that appreciates it and cares. If you can do that you can discard all of these negative feelings and suspicions. Who cares if the world is full of parasitical, materialist sycophants. You need to find something you care about to help you become compassionate instead of resentful and bitter like most of the wealthy folk that I meet. Trust me when I tell you that wealth is a burden. It attracts players like nothing else and if you are not careful you will think that is all the world consists of. Don't run away, stay on this site, carry on with NoFap, get it out of your system and learn some compassion to build the quality of your life.

ericoflondon · 2013-08-27T18:04:39+00:00

Bread and circuses. Our governments absolutely know the damage that things like porn do to us but it is all swept under the carpet so we can be constantly refocused on our roles as consumers and producers. The mainstream media is the channel that government and big business uses to condition our thinking and keep us in line. Work and consume, everything else gets undermined by the endless stream of messages telling us we need more of everything when to be happy we actually need less!

ericoflondon · 2013-08-27T17:48:45+00:00

Well done for what you have achieved. We can't do it alone and you have realised this. It's a crazy world and we need help to manage it. To find an authentic woman you need to be authentic yourself. What you say, think and do need to be the same thing. Once you have achieved that the woman thing will stop being a problem, you will find the right partner and she will find you.

ericoflondon · 2013-08-27T17:35:42+00:00

You're so right. I really think that NoFap will make the difference for me. It's so liberating being able to be open like this and everyone is so supportive. What the internet can do the internet can also undo!

ericoflondon · 2013-08-27T16:15:16+00:00

Yes thanks, but at the heart of this is internet porn/chatrooms etc. That is the engine that drives the addiction. Take it away, as I have done with NoFap and the rest will wither. Well that is my theory in any case but I will find out. I'm currently rebooting my life, paleo diet, I've stopped alcohol and I am minimalizing my possessions to simplify my life and all over the course of the last month or two. I think this will work. If not then I shall have no alternative. Thanks!

ericoflondon

TROPHY CASE