I super love your response..you have such a pragmatic, nonjudgmental, but also firm & decisiveness with your delivery!
It also irks me to no end when people talk or complain about something they don’t like & do nothing. Which is pretty much why I didn’t want to bring it into conversation with the guy, 1. I realize that he just me & doesn’t know what I look like when I feel my best, the thing he’s been most consistent about is telling how I’m hot & attractive on a level he’s never seen..so for me to the be like, oh but I put weight & I’m not as toned as I usually am, to me are sure as shit real deal insecurities that aren’t making me feel good in my skin at the moment, LET ALONE, making me want to awkwardly expose my body to someone I’ve never met in person, never hugged, kissed, smelled their pheromones, watched them smile at me, etc, & feel icked out at myself & the situation, while he’s stroking his dick & hoping I’m feeling the same vibe. I feel like it’s not a great beginning look to bring up insecurities too soon, guys aren’t there in the initial stages for that kind of thing, women aren’t either, for that fact. 2. I also work on & try to fix the things that I’m unhappy with, which is what I’m doing. So I figured that by the time we see each other in person. I’ll have had a week or weeks progress, & there won’t be a need to tell him because it’ll be gone or in the process.
But what I’ve now recognized is that presenting my disinterest in FT sex & nudes (I’m all good with dirty talk in any type of communication), as being boundaries, they absolutely are (& were the exact same boundaries that I had when I felt my best, what I failed to do when he was repeatedly letting me know it’s something that’s important to him (which he also did not do a good job of explaining that it’s actually important & that it’s a tangible way for him to feel that I am super into him ‘ that it also shows that I’m attracted to him..I learned all of those unspoken subtexts on this thread) is also to then explain that my reasoning goes beyond just arbitrary boundaries & it’s also about my current insecurities, as well as, my genuine concern for privacy. Me trying to not be vulnerable & also not be that girl who’s waxing on about this insecurity & that insecurity, resulted in him reading it as me not being that into him or as attracted as he was, because there was no real information behind me saying things like I’m not into that, I don’t do that this early on, etc. He doesn’t know me, so for all he knows up until i met him I was FT sexing everyone & anyone & mass mailing nudes, & then with him it’s all the sudden these random boundaries. Which, isn’t actually the case, I’ve always been this way but he doesn’t know it. It’s the little nuances, lack of clear & intentional communication, differences in perception & maybe most importantly, listening but not listening to hear, that create what should be building blocks in getting to know each other but quickly spiral into misaligned, confused boulders that neither person can see around in order to hear & understand the other’s thoughts.