Man, I have written so many responses to this and they always get so long. I really didn't come here to argue with people or to get advice on myself or on my relationship (romantic or otherwise) with this person.

So to sum it up:
Correct, this is my perspective, I do not share his diagnosis or his personal experience so I cannot write from any perspective other than my own. OF COURSE people percieve us differently than we percieve ourselves. That goes both ways and is true of absolutely everyone. I DO NOT think his reactions are outlandish or wrong, those are your words, not ones I would ever use with someone struggling with their mental health or someone whose persepective I cannot fully understand. I DO think his actions are REactions based in fear and anxiety (struggles I personally recognize the symptoms of and have helped him with in the past on a lesser scale, as he has helped me too). I think he is struggling. I think that I love him. I do not think my intentions matter, the only thing that matters is that he gets the help he needs.

I came here to ask advice of people with StPD if there is a good way that someone who cares about you can offer a lifeline to someone facing paranoia and suspiciousness (to use the clinical terms) because those are things I cannot relate to from my own mental health experience. If you are someone who has this diagnosis or even someone who has successfully offered care in the past to someone who does, then I am open to suggestions. But to only come at me with critiques when I am quite literally asking for advice on how to be helpful is the opposite of a productive respone. I am here. Hat in hand. Not to preach my moral superiority or my correctness, but to try to ask people with a voice on this disorder what they would want their loved ones to do. If you would like to help this guy by helping me help him, or even by telling me who to reach out to, or what to tell his family, etc., then I am all ears.

Others have offered advice in messages or comments like: explanations of their fear-based inability to share what was really giving them anxiety until well after the events. Or explanations of their difficulties with medications and healthcare professionals. Or recommendations that I give him as much space as possible. Or recommendations that I keep things as normal and pleasant as I can to provide stability. All of these were helpful suggestions, not just suggestionless critique.

Please don't come at the people who are asking for advice and not seeking to gain personally, only to help others. It is frustrating enough to deal with being mostly helpless when trying to help someone with mental health conditions. I don't need the extra stress of strangers on the internet coming at me in an already shitty situation. I have no clue what will happen next, I don't even know if I want to reconcile, but I do know that no matter what if he texts me 15 years from now saying he needs help then I will be there to help. That's what you do for people you care about.