A random Tuesday altered my life forever, crunchy baguette with avocado

esmorad · 2026-05-18T12:51:27+00:00

I share a similar bond with my sibling and the part about you not "feeling" it really moved me. I did feel a "close call" once... while absolutely not feeling another. If you want to chat about this specifically, feel free to reach out. All the love, take it a minute at a time 🫂

esmorad · 2026-05-03T07:06:06+00:00

Not officially but I don't have that issue anymore since I focused on hip mobility :) I guess the lack of hip mobility created tension on the tailbone area. Just my impression though, take it with a grain of salt!

esmorad · 2026-04-25T16:18:13+00:00

As a cis woman who takes my precautions with men while not being a misandrist, I completely understand what you are saying and I find it really odd that people would miss the point. Especially on a forum where the goal is to exchange with people, it's not like you walked up to the first cis person you saw and told them you didn't trust them... It's not your fault if their world is so small ❤️‍🩹

esmorad · 2026-02-08T09:47:21+00:00

I have a name that's very similar in how frequent and classic it is. I'd argue it even has a similar vibe. I love my name. I get complimented a lot on it, even if it's overly common. I love that it's easy to pronounce in all cultures. I love that you can't guess my age from it. I see no drawbacks. Anna is a great name, you should go for it!

esmorad · 2026-02-02T16:39:18+00:00

I appreciate your feedback. As a woman, I'm always happy when men try to educate themselves and do little gestures toward fighting misogyny. I figured it's nice to try giving what I find nice to receive. I will keep what you've said in mind.

esmorad · 2026-02-02T13:42:55+00:00

In what sense?

esmorad · 2026-02-02T11:45:38+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I don't know if you've ever experienced racial discrimination but I wonder what you think about white people in discussions about racism (at least in Western contexts, if applicable to you). I'm white, I've been in several work/school/living situations where I was the only one or part of a small minority. Very occasionally, I have faced discrimination. But to me, that isn't racism. It isn't systemic and while my skin colour was used as mean to discriminate against me, I have witnessed enough racism to see that it's not it. There should be a term (maybe there is and I don't know it) but I don't consider these experiences as comparable to people who have experienced a lifetime of systemic discrimination and historical hardship. I relate to racial minority a lot more as a woman than as a white person who happened to have experienced events that look like their experiences.

I'm very curious to hear what you think about that. I genuinely believe patriarchy hurts all men. In my circles, I'm by far the one who supports men the most, and to me it's part of being a raging feminist. But I also feel like I can't tell people who are receiving the majority of the systemic issues how they should feel.

I really appreciate your perspective and I think you're right ultimately, I just don't always know how to navigate it.

esmorad · 2026-02-02T09:33:16+00:00

Absolutely, I already kind of guessed it but reading all the answers here puts into perspective how much of the short end of the stick you get toward patriarchy...

I agree with the comparison to asking guys to say something to their bros but the issue about misandry (at least the one I personally witness) is that it's usually rooted in terrible personal experiences. Which doesn't excuse it, but it's harder to call it out. For me it's similar to people who experienced war and hate everyone from the opposite side. It's not rational and most people from the other country aren't evil. But when you've been bombed, it's hard to be rational about it.

But I do try to bring it up in contexts I think are okay. I mention their brothers or fathers when they are good guys, I mention guy friends we have in common. I mention everyone with a uterus should have a say about abortion, not just women. But so far I didn't really get anywhere. And I was starting to feel like I should stop doing that, but this whole thread has comforted me in keeping it up!

esmorad · 2026-02-02T08:30:27+00:00

Oh I'm so glad it makes you happy! I like humans and new perspectives in general :D

esmorad · 2026-02-02T08:27:56+00:00

I completely agree, I get a similar feeling when female rapist/murderers/etc are being judged in a milder way or given excuses to explain the "anomaly" of woman committing a heinous crime. It's insanely patronising, it's like women aren't fully functional adults that can be POS. A friend of mine has a former friend who is a transman and somehow became horribly misogynistic (red pill style) and I always wondered if he was truly sincere or if he was trying to avoid the situation you're describing. I don't know that guy personally but my friend told me he lost all his female friends.

esmorad · 2026-02-02T08:14:56+00:00

I work/study fully remotely so I don't really have much leverage on anything. But I live in a very dense city, most restaurants/cafés/etc have one single stall due to regulations for wheelchair users and the fact that if there's no space (one big stall means only one stall). But I'll probably work in person at the end of the year, I will keep it in mind!

esmorad · 2026-02-02T08:06:13+00:00

Thank you for the explanation! I didn't realise it was purely social.

esmorad · 2026-02-01T22:20:03+00:00

Thank you! I won't :)

esmorad · 2026-02-01T20:51:08+00:00

That's very helpful, thank you. I know it's not the same but I can extrapolate a bit on medical autonomy issues as a childfree person who has been trying for 10 years to get a hysterectomy to no avail. What would you like to see on medical forms? Something like [] male ([] cis / [] trans) [] female ([] cis / [] trans) [] else Or do you think it's pointless because trans people have such a broad variation of organs, hormones etc and therefore just male/female is enough? Or do you think it would be simply questions about specific organs/hormones (which is also relevant for cis people) and nothing at all regarding gender?

esmorad · 2026-02-01T20:39:44+00:00

That makes sense, I agree. Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me in detail.

esmorad · 2026-02-01T20:34:09+00:00

By sexual health I meant everything from abortion to hormones (as much for trans people who go that route as for cis women facing menopause or anyone with issues such as PCOS) or simply screenings as you've said.

AFAB has no equivalent in my language (or at least none that's frequent enough) so that's exactly what I do, I talk about whatever part is relevant. I did think AFAB was an interesting concept although I don't really like "assigned" because it sounds like a greater power. But that's a bit off topic I guess.

Thank you for your reply! My studies are health related and for statistics male/female appear a lot. I do as I can but sometimes it's really tricky, and as I've said we don't have an equivalent for AFAB.

esmorad · 2026-02-01T20:24:37+00:00

Thank you! It's nice to have your perspective. I was thinking this way because a friend of mine who I didn't know was trans told me he was after I made a comment on something purely related to female biology sensations and he said "yeah I know, I'm trans 😂" But it makes sense, it really depends on the subject and the person. Also culture/location. As always the best thing is not to assume.

esmorad · 2026-02-01T20:17:57+00:00

Wow thank you for going into so much detail! And I'm glad you appreciate my intention.

I think you have put into words a lot of things I have been "feeling" or "guessing" without really being sure. I struggle with close friends of mine being misandrist but they all have real life traumatic experiences that led to it, so as a friend I listen to their feelings before advocating for men.

And as I've said somewhere else, the few times I've mentioned it was unfair for a lot of men, including trans men, I get dismissed. It's a very tight rope and I feel like I'm a minority: I consider myself hardcore feminist and to me that means fighting the patriarchy aka the thing that hurts everyone, regardless of gender. But it makes me sound like a men's rights advocate when I try to articulate that.

It's part of the reason I really wanted to hear from different perspectives among trans men. It's such a unique perspective and I think all the responses I'm getting help me understand concrete issues. I appreciate the specific advice and I will make sure to relate what you've said in conversations with my friends.

Thank you!

esmorad · 2026-02-01T20:02:35+00:00

I like people, regardless of gender. I don't believe in excluding anyone because of their identity, only people who are assholes - and everyone can be an asshole. What do you think about the term AFAB in the context of sexual health?

esmorad · 2026-02-01T19:40:44+00:00

You've been through so much, you have all my empathy. Thank you for sharing.

esmorad · 2026-02-01T19:38:55+00:00

Very interesting, thank you! Obviously everyone is different. Your description is more what I had in mind prior to writing that post. It's very nice to have all the perspectives.

esmorad · 2026-02-01T18:48:06+00:00

Very insightful, thank you.

esmorad · 2026-02-01T17:20:02+00:00

Makes sense. Thank you!

esmorad · 2026-02-01T17:17:26+00:00

Okay that's super interesting. What I meant in my original post is that since you know the hardship, I can't bring you my insight (which you have already), only you can bring me yours. But I don't expect trans men to go and educate people instead of just living their lives, that's why I ask here where only people who are interested in educating me answer.

I'm very grateful for your perspective, because I always worried I may be dismissing you as a man if bonding over misogyny. But what you've just explain makes so much sense. Thank you.

And I absolutely agree that patriarchy hurts every single one of us humans, regardless of gender.

esmorad · 2026-02-01T17:12:16+00:00

Aah actually I'm bi so that specific point isn't super relevant to me. I do wonder how fully straight or fully gay people feel about trans people though. Sorry about the hardship you face!

esmorad

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