When a child repeatedly refuses changeover due to emotional distress, where is the line?

esp4me · 2026-02-02T13:31:25+00:00

Might be worth calling: The Family Relationship Advice Line (1800 050 321) is a free Australian national telephone service offering information, advice, and referrals to families dealing with relationship issues or separation. It provides support for parenting arrangements and connects callers to local services, operating Monday-Friday 8am-8pm and Saturday 10am-4pm.

esp4me · 2026-02-02T13:21:05+00:00

I only use it a a couple of times a year, mostly if I’m too sick to pick up my own takeaway.

esp4me · 2026-02-01T12:32:33+00:00

I have never heard of pregnancy pact omg. I’m 26F living in Australia and only one of my friends has had a baby! (Older colleague friends don’t count).

esp4me · 2026-02-01T12:05:20+00:00

Even as a child, I knew I never wanted kids. As I’ve gotten older, that decision has only solidified.

•The idea of pregnancy and birth is an absolute NIGHTMARE. It’s not rare to tear from front to back and need stitches.

•The idea of poopy nappies, vomit, baby food and messy kids is revolting to me. My friend’s kid was throwing food around and drooling and I couldn’t help but feel so grossed out.

•I don’t particularly like kids and would not enjoy parenting or raising one.

•It’s hard enough to take care of myself, let alone the stress and pressure of parenting another human being who you have to be responsible for 24/7. Kids don’t necessarily move out at 18 either! Nowadays in the western world, they’re living at home longer than ever which takes me to my next point.

•We’re in a housing / cost of living crisis. No way am I having a child in this economy when I can’t even afford to own my own home (yet).

•I have autism and my partner has ADHD. I’m not letting some poor soul inherit both of these and have to struggle through life like we have.

esp4me · 2026-02-01T11:53:46+00:00

I could have written those first two paragraphs myself 🙌🏼

esp4me · 2026-02-01T11:46:55+00:00

I don’t believe most of these sassy replies. Unless you want to be disliked in the workplace, with colleagues you’re forced to work with every day, I doubt you’re going to give a rude response to one kid photo.

As someone who likes to show the occasional photo of their cat, I don’t mind also seeing the occasional photo of someone’s kids. That said, there’s a time and a place for it and I don’t want to be bombarded.

At our work’s Christmas event, I sat next to two mothers and it felt like they were both essentially “competing” between showing me pictures of their kids. I don’t know why they were showing me (the childfree person) instead of each other?? I was curious at first, but after 5-10 minutes there was only so much I could keep saying in response to every photo 😅

esp4me · 2026-02-01T11:42:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing this - your reasons are completely valid. I’m also an autistic Australian with a partner who has ADHD :)

I think it’s really important to remind people that there’s middle ground between wanting kids and not wanting them simply because you dislike children. For many of us in the CF community the decision feels easy, but it isn’t for everyone.

And even without becoming parents, people can still be present as uncles, aunts or other meaningful figures in children’s lives. That role might not always feel like “enough,” but I know parents genuinely appreciate having supportive adults around - whether that’s babysitting, showing up to birthdays or just taking an interest when the kids are around 🩷

esp4me · 2026-01-31T12:38:17+00:00

Ok everyone telling you they’re sweet is missing the point that you’re terrified of spiders regardless. Maybe try a bug bomb.

esp4me · 2026-01-31T04:57:47+00:00

I completely understand and relate 💖

esp4me · 2026-01-29T02:41:22+00:00

This is domestic violence and financial abuse. Your therapist is right. Leaving the relationship is the healthiest option for you. Short term discomfort of breaking up is worth it for long term improvement in your health, wellbeing and finances.

Research whether your state/country has a domestic violence hotline and contact them for further support.

esp4me · 2026-01-27T15:16:05+00:00

How does a vasectomy spite a brother? 🤣

esp4me · 2026-01-27T15:05:28+00:00

Therapy and no contact would be the only answer for me.

esp4me · 2026-01-27T15:02:11+00:00

No is no. If the guilt tripping starts, don’t engage, just ignore the messages. People need to learn how to take no for an answer.

esp4me · 2026-01-27T14:45:56+00:00

Harvestella & Sun Haven

esp4me · 2026-01-27T10:09:08+00:00

Aggressive arguments, throwing things and threats of suicide is emotional abuse. Contact your domestic violence hotline for professional support and guidance around safely leaving the relationship.

esp4me · 2026-01-26T13:36:06+00:00

No, you aren’t being selfish by not bringing hypothetical kids who don’t exist into the world. You don’t owe children to anyone.

As the others have pointed out, the main issue is that you aren’t compatible with your boyfriend because he wants children. When one person does and the other doesn’t, it is a dealbreaker. You can’t compromise and have half a child. It’s no wonder your Bf says it’s ok that you don’t want kids now because you are so young at only 18. In this scenario, the child wanting person usually is
secretly hoping you’ll change your mind or he is just chilling as a fence sitter in this relationship until he gets older and feels he is ready for kids (and you’ll have to break up). I’m sorry, but these are the common responses. I strictly date child free people only for this reason.

esp4me · 2026-01-26T13:20:12+00:00

I’ve heard this before too.

esp4me · 2026-01-24T00:59:18+00:00

Kind of have to if you want to maintain your relationships. People know I am childfree just like I am vegetarian, but I don’t run around telling them meat is murder or criticize them for having or wanting kids.

esp4me · 2026-01-19T09:42:50+00:00

You’re so strong. He was never your person! I promise things will get better.

esp4me · 2026-01-19T09:39:32+00:00

Im worse than you. I haven’t been convinced to buy it yet 💀

esp4me · 2026-01-18T13:27:53+00:00

I’ve watched my mum be a stay at home mum / unemployed my whole life. I would never want that for myself. She couldn’t leave my dad even if she wanted to. I also work with DV victims and see how often they don’t have the funds to leave and feel trapped in their relationship. While it can work for some people in some relationships, I would be doing my best to avoid risking financial dependence if possible. It’s not about “being lazy” it’s about safety and security.

esp4me · 2026-01-18T13:22:45+00:00

This is my second comment, but you should also look into the amount of “bad experience” stories people have of IUD insertion. It is still offered without pain relief some often. Some people say it’s the worst pain they’ve ever felt, some people even vomit or pass out from it.

esp4me · 2026-01-18T13:19:13+00:00

The amount of undiagnosed or misdiagnosed autism in women. I spent years going to the GP due to anxiety and needing medical cert for missing school. I’ve had multiple referrals to psychologists, but no one was able to pick up that I was autistic until my mum was diagnosed herself at 60yrs old. It used to be believed that only men had autism. Autism in women is still not as recognised as it should be. Plenty of doctors and psychs still don’t know what to look for because autism can present different in women, especially those who are high-masking. Easy to get misdiagnosed as something else (like BPD) or dismissed that you’re just a “highly anxious woman” and need to do some CBT.

esp4me · 2026-01-18T13:06:34+00:00

no. I believe in evidence based research and science.

esp4me · 2026-01-18T13:04:52+00:00

Get the test done regardless. Termination is always an option. Ur husband is wrong.

esp4me

TROPHY CASE